消消气（2000）
Curb Your Enthusiasm S09E03
Part 3
Oct. 3, 2020, 1:49 p.m.
Swat, God damn!
特警先生 老天爷!
What the fuck's going on in there, man?
什么情况啊 伙计?
I'm cooking, man. Nothing going on. Just cooking.
我在煮饭 没啥情况 就煮饭而已
You're causing a fucking disturbance.
你整得他妈一阵骚乱
Yeah, yeah, you're making a disturbance.
对啊 你搞的一阵骚乱
This ain't no disturbance. I'm cooking chicken spaghetti.
这哪算骚乱 我只是做一个鸡肉意面
No, it's not up to you to say whether it's a disturbance or not.
不 是不是骚乱不能你说了算
We're the ones being disturbed. It's our call.
我们被扰乱了 该我们说了算
Yeah. No, he wasn't making a fucking disturbance, was he?
真是 他还没整的一阵骚乱 是不是哦?
- That's not a disturbance. - What the fuck you say?
-那还不算骚乱 -你♥他♥妈♥在说个啥?
Oh... no, it's his turn to deal.
哦...没有 我说该他出牌了
We're playing the War.
我们在玩战牌
We're playing cards.
我们在打牌
I just fucking told you, don't talk under your breath.
我才他妈告诉你 不要小声嘟囔
You wanna get fucked up?
你想被揍一顿吗?
Okay, well, this is the coup de grâce.
行吧 好吧 这真是致命一击
They canceled golf on Saturday.
他们周六的高尔夫也翘了
Oh, man, I can't live like this anymore.
我的天 我不能再这么搞下去了
I just can't.
实在不行了
There's only one man who could help me.
只有一个人能帮我了
- Yes? - Yeah, it's Larry David.
-哪位? - 嗯 我是拉里大卫
- Mr. David? - Yes, sir.
-大卫先生? -是的 先生
We've been expecting you. Please come in.
我们在等您 请进
Okay.
好的
And if you'd follow me.
请随我来
This way.
这边
Mr. David is here now, sir.
大卫先生已经到了 先生
Oh, Mr. David, come in. Please have a seat.
哦 大卫先生 请进 请坐
Thank you. Thank you for seeing me, Mr. Rushdie.
谢谢 谢谢你肯见我 鲁西迪先生
- No, call me Salman. - It's not "Salmon"?
-不 叫我萨尔曼 -曼? 不是轻声?
"Saul -mahn."
萨尔曼
Salman? There's an accent on the second syllable.
萨尔曼? 曼是念四声
Exactly. Now, tell me why you're here.
是的 那么 告诉我你来这的目的吧
Oh, well, I'm sure you, uh... you've heard about...
哦 呃 我不确定 嗯...你是否听说过
Yeah, I heard about your problem.
是的 我听说过你的问题
And I thought if there's anybody
而且我想如果有人
who could understand what I'm going through, it's you.
能够理解我正在经历什么 那个人就是你
And to tell you the truth, I'm at my wit's end.
跟你说实话吧 我已经被逼到绝路了
Let me tell you something. It took me a long time.
让我告诉你一些事情 它花费了很长时间
It took me maybe several years
可能花费我几年时间
to get to the point that I'm going to talk to you about now.
来理解我将要告诉你的东西
I want to give you a shortcut,
我想要给你一个捷径
which is that, yeah, it is all those things.
就是 嗯 就是那些事情
It can be scary, it can be bewildering, et cetera.
它可能会很吓人 可能会让人困惑 等等
But there are things that you gain.
但是有些东西是你可以得到的
There are a lot of women
在这种情况下 有很多女人...
who are attracted to you in this condition.
会被你吸引
Really? I didn't think there was any condition
真的吗? 我不认为会有这种情况
- that they'd be attracted to me. - You are a dangerous man.
-她们会被我吸引 -你是个危险的男人
There are very beautiful women
会有很多美丽的女性...
who like that.
喜欢这点
- Really? - Yeah.
-真的吗? -是的
Even with me they would like it?
即使是我 她们也喜欢?
It's not exactly you;
并不真的是你
it's the fatwa wrapped around you.
是法特瓦包装下的你
Like kind of sexy pixie dust.
像是什么精灵之尘
Huh!
哈!
But you have to stop acting like a wuss.
但你必须停止表现得像个胆小鬼一样
I mean, look at you. You look like a person trying to hide.
我意思是 看看你 你像一个总想躲的人
- That's exactly right. - That is not sexy.
-确实如此 -这并不性感
Be a man, stop this, and fatwa sex will follow.
像个男人 别再躲闪 然后法特瓦式性♥爱♥就会随之而来
- Fatwa sex? - The best sex there is.
-法特瓦式性♥爱♥? -最棒的性♥爱♥
- Wow! - Yes.
-哇! -是的
What about the fatwa itself? I don't...
法特瓦它本身呢? 我不...
You know, you've survived many, many years now.
你知道的 你现在已经挺过来很多很多年了
Well, it's, you know... it's there.
嗯 它 你知道的 它在那儿
- Yeah. - But fuck it.
-是的 -但是 去他妈的
Mm, yeah, the "fuck it" philosophy.
嗯 是的 "去他妈"式哲学
It's a tough one. I've tried it with orthotics.
很困难 我对矫正器也这么想过
It didn't really work very well.
效果并不理想
No, no, you're... look, you're being pathetic.
不 不 你 看 你这样太可悲了
- Let me help you. - What?
-让我帮你 -啥?
There. Now, look, there you are.
来 现在 看 这样好多了
You're a man of danger.
一个危险的男人
The fatwa sex is beginning to circle around you,
法特瓦式性♥爱♥开始包围你
so be a man now.
所以开始像个男人些
Let's go out, get a bite to eat.
让我们出去吃点东西
Trust me.
相信我
Let's eat!
让我们吃点东西!
That's my boy.
这才像样
Hello. Table for two, please.
你好 两人位谢谢
Of course, Mr. Rushdie. Hello, Mr. David.
好的 鲁西迪先生 你好 大卫先生
Turn around, turn around.
回头 回头
- Look. - Oh. It's him.
-看 -哦 是他
Oh, my God.
哦 天呐
And your server will be right with you guys.
你的服务员马上就到
-Thank you. - Sure.
-谢谢 -不客气
Okay, so, you see? It's not so bad.
好的 所以 你看到了吗? 并没有那么糟糕
Yeah, I'm in a restaurant having... having lunch.
是的 我在一家餐厅里吃...吃午饭
You're not behind some stupid mask.
你没藏在什么愚蠢的面具后面
You can go in a supermarket, go to a ball game.
你可以去超♥市♥ 去打球
- You'll be a person. - You know what?
-你将会成为一个人 -你知道吗?
I'm feeling a lot better about things.
我感觉好多了
Now, tell me something.
现在 告诉我吧
This musical, it's about me, right?
这个音乐剧 是关于我的 对吗?
- Yes. - So, I mean, I'm interested.
-是的 -所以 我的意思是 我很感兴趣
Who have you got playing me?
你让谁来扮演我?
Oh, well, of course, now, because of this whole fatwa thing,
哦 是的 当然 现在 由于这个法特瓦
it's probably not gonna happen.
它可能不会发生了
But the guy I had in mind
但我脑海里的那个家伙
was actually Jason Alexander.
实际上是杰森亚历山大
You mean, like, "George" Jason Alexander?
你是指 呃 "乔治"杰森亚历山大?
No, you know, that was just a character that he played.
不 你知道 那只是他扮演的一个角色
- Ja... you know... - There's no remote resemblance.
-杰...你知道的... -一点也不像
I mean, he's short. He's a lot shorter than me.
我是说 他很矮 他比我矮很多
He's not... a lot shorter? What?
他并没有...矮很多吗? 什么?
- He's not that much shorter. - Inches.
-他没有那么高 -矮好几英寸
Hmm. Well, who are you thinking about?
嗯 好吧 你在考虑谁?
I'm thinking about, you know, Hugh Jackman.
我在考虑 你知道的 休杰克曼
- That's good. - Hugh Jackman?
-不错 -休杰克曼?
- Yeah, he's a triple threat. - Are you out of your fucking mind?
-是的 他三项全能 -你♥他♥妈♥的疯了吗?
He can sing, he can dance, he can act.
他能唱 能跳 能演
- Yeah. - He could totally play me.
-是的 -他完全可以扮演我
I think you're delusional. Anyway, it's all moot.
我觉得你想多了 不管怎样 一切还没决定下来
What's the difference, you know? It's not gonna happen.
有什么分别吗? 你懂得 这不会发生的
All right, well, that's a relief.
好的 嗯 那我就放心了
It's too bad, too,
也太糟糕了
because what you said about fatwa sex?
因为你说的关于法特瓦式性♥爱♥?
- Yes. - Oh, my God.
-是的 -哦 天呐
I would've put that right in the show.
我要把它放进我的节目里
- That is so perfect. - But that is not the only benefit.
-那太完美了 -而且这不是唯一的好处
For example, you don't have to go to anything
例如 你不需要去做任何
you don't want to go to.
你不想做的事情
- Hmm. - So, like, your cousin
-嗯 -所以 例如 你外甥
is giving a reading of his lousy poetry book,
给你一本他的烂诗集要你读
and you say, "Sorry, can't make it.
然后你可以说 "对不起 办不到
- Fatwa." - Fatwa.
-法特瓦" -法特瓦
Somebody calls you, says, "Can you come pick me up at the airport? "
有人给你打电♥话♥ 说 "你能来机场接我吗? "
You say, "Can't make it. Fatwa. Can't make it."
你说"办不到 法特瓦 办不到"
This is a fatwa "Life of Riley."
这就是法特瓦式的自♥由♥生活
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