消消气（2000）

Curb Your Enthusiasm S09E01

Part 1 Oct. 3, 2020, 1:49 p.m.

Fuck!
操！
Hey! Hey!
嘿你！
Wha... why didn't you keep the door open?
你...为什么你不愿意帮我拉一下门？
Oh, um...
哦那个...
No... no "after you"?
你不太乐意"女士优先"那套？
I... I... I didn't really get an "after you" vibe.
呃我没从你身上找到会喜欢"女士优先"的感觉
Well... well, why not? I'm a woman, aren't I?
呃为啥？我是女的不是吗？
Yeah... Really?
嗯... 你啥意思
Well, I... I just didn't think you were the type
我只是觉得你不是那个类型的人...
who would want a guy to hold the door open for you.
那种希望男人给他们把门拉着的类型
What type am I? You know, you're a type.
那我是什么类型嗯你的类型啊...
You have, uh, short hair,
大概是留个短发
you wear a tie, you got a vest.
戴着领带穿着背心
It's, uh... it's a look.
大概这种打扮的吧
So, you looked at me and then let a door shut on me.
所以你看了我一眼然后就把门当着我脸关上了
I thought you might not want that, that's all.
我以为你不希望我拉着门仅此而已
I was just trying not to offend you,
我只是为了不冒犯你
and yet I wound up offending you, which is quite ironic.
然而最后还是冒犯到你了也是挺讽刺的
It is ironic because I would've enjoyed the door being open for me.
是挺讽刺的因为我还真希望别人给我拉着门
And... you know what I mean? Uh, well,
而且...你懂我的意思吧嗯行吧
also there was some distance involved, too.
对了而且当时我俩隔的也挺远的
So I would say type plus distance... Oh, you have an equation?
所以类型加上距离... 你还有个等式是吧？
Yeah, type... You have an equation for the...
是的呀类型... 你对这种情况还找了一个...
Yes, it's a mathematical equation.
就这个道理嘛这就是一个数学等式
Type plus distance equals no door hold.
类型加上距离等于不把门拉着
Where did you get that equation from?
你从哪儿听的这个等式
Uh, I made it up.
我现编的
Well, you know, what kind of vibe I'm getting from you
你知道我从你身上找到什么感觉吗？
is that that's a fucked up equation, you know what I mean?
我感觉这个等式就是狗屁你懂我的意思吧
But you can't argue with the distance, though.
但你不得不承认当时的距离是挺远的
That's a...
那是...
that's a big factor.
那是一个重要因素
Huh?!
怎么样？
"Fatwa! The Musical," written by Larry David.
"音乐剧《法特瓦！》编剧拉里大卫"
Finally! Five years.
终于！ 5年了
Five years. Yeah.
整整5年是啊
You wrote a musical about Salman Rushdie
你写了个音乐剧讲萨尔曼鲁西迪
having his life ruined 'cause he got a fatwa, a death threat,
把自己一生给毁了因为被下了"法特瓦" 一个死亡威胁
from the Ayatollah Khomeini.
阿亚图拉霍梅尼给他下的追杀令
I'm telling you, there's a lot of funny stuff in there.
我给你说这里面好多东西可好笑了
Who do you think about playing Salman Rushdie
你觉得谁来演萨尔曼鲁西迪合适
and what about the ayatollah?
阿亚图拉呢？
Salman Rushdie, I don't know,
萨尔曼鲁西迪我不知道
but, uh, the ayatollah,
但是阿亚图拉的话
I'm actually flirting with the notion of doing it.
我倒还有点跃跃欲试
You for the ayatollah? I don't know, I probably won't do it.
你想演阿亚图拉？我也不知道也许不会吧
It's like the odds are... The idea sucks, Lar.
有可能... 这个点子没戏的拉里
It's a stupid idea. It's just a...
这点子太蠢了简直是...
How are you helping? ...fatwa.
你瞎说啥呢还法特瓦...
Really? Oh, like you're a paragon of tastes. Yeah
是吗？说的好像你品味好高一样
Larry, I've seen everything on Broadway.
拉里百老汇我什么剧没看过
This is my office. It's a stupid fucking idea!
这是我的办公室这就是个傻到爆的点子
Fatwa! People don't wanna see that. They want uplifting. They want...
法特瓦！观众才不想看这个呢他们想看振奋人心的想看些...
You don't even know what you're talking about!
你就不知道你在说啥！
You sound like a moron. You know that? Do I, really?
你听起来就是个蠢蛋你知道吗？哦是吗？
Yeah, you do. It's a good idea.
那可不这点子好极了
And by the way, what the hell are you doing here anyway?
再说了你来这儿干嘛呢？
Well, I was in the area looking... ah... for venues.
我在附近找场地
He... does he know? No.
他知道吗？他不知道
Guess who's getting married.
猜猜谁要结婚了？
Sammi's getting married? Yes, my little Samella. Yes.
萨米要结婚了？是的我的小萨米
Who's the guy? He's a vet.
男方是谁？一个退伍士兵
An Afghan war vet. Really?
阿富汗战争的退伍军人是吗？
He was a Marine. Don't you got to be careful
海军陆战队的那你得注意了
with the, uh, you know, the PTSD?
创伤后应激障碍啥的
He doesn't have PTSD.
他没有那个症状
I would know. I know things.
要有我能不知道吗
You don't know. You know, it comes on in a year or two.
这说不准你知道吧有的等一两年才表现出来
He could wake up in the middle of the night and start punching.
他有可能大半夜突然醒过来就乱打拳
What is that? What are you doing? He could wake up...
什么鬼？你在做啥？他可能醒过来...
...you know, like that.
...你懂吧就这样
All right. All right, you guys are fuckin' morons.
好了好了你们就是俩傻子
Ah, you poor fucker.
你真命背
Your haircut's here. Yeah, send her in.
你的理发师来了让她进来
You get a haircut in the office? Yeah.
你在办公室剪头发？是啊
Betty! Hi, Susie! How's it going?
贝蒂！嗨苏西吃了没
How are you, my love? Good.
吃了你呢亲爱的也吃了
Hi, Jeff. Hiya, Betty.
嗨杰夫你好贝蒂
How are you? Good to see you.
你好见到你真开心
Good to see you.
见到你我也开心
Huh.
嗬
So... sorry.
真是...对不起
Oh, it's fine. I'm over it.
算了没事我原谅你了
Really? Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about it.
真的？嗯没事了别担心
He didn't open the door for me. It was a whole thing.
他没有帮我拉着门就这事
I was walking to the door. He didn't open it. Because the tie
我正在朝门走他没有把门拉开因为领带...
and the short hair... In fact, he let it shut.
短发... 事实上他直接让门关上了
And then it was offensive to me, obviously,
显然我感觉到被冒犯了
because it's just... 'cause he thinks that I wouldn't want the door open.
因为这...因为他自认为我不希望别人为我把门拉着
Anyway, I'm awfully sorry. You know what? It's okay.
不管怎么说我非常抱歉你猜啥？没事了
Water under the bridge. Water under the bridge.
得饶人处且饶人得饶人处且饶人
That's Betty. Betty, you're too good, I'll tell ya.
这就是我们贝蒂贝蒂我给你说你就是心太好了
She also happens to be a lesbian.
她恰好是位女同性恋者
And she's marrying her partner in a few weeks.
她和她伴侣几周后就要结婚了
"She's a lesbian."
"她是个女同性恋"
She takes such great pride in having a lesbian friend.
她有个女同性恋朋友也要炫耀一下
"Oh. Oh, look at me, everybody.
"哦哦大家都看我呀
I'm so cool, I hang out with lesbians."
我好棒我和女同做朋友诶"
I had lesbian friends before you knew what lesbians were.
我有女同朋友的时候你还不知道啥是女同呢
Hey, by the way... Uhhuh.
嘿说起来... 嗯哼
...you know, I could use a haircut.
你知道我该剪个头发了
You could. You could.
你是该剪了
And you know what? I could do it for you.
你猜啥？我可以帮你剪
Really? Yes, yes. I can come to your house.
真的？真的我可以去你家里
And I'll open the door for you.
我到时候会记得帮你把门拉开了
Okay. Huh?
行吧不错吧？
Huh? Come on. Right? All right.
是吧说好了好吧？好的
Right. Yeah. Okay, okay.
是对好了好了
Okay. Okay.
好可以了
Hey, it's my long-lost assistant.
嘿这不是我许久不见的助理吗？
Welcome back!
欢迎回来！
Thank you. Welcome back.
谢谢你欢迎回来
You had a nice little two-day unauthorized vacation.
你休了两天没批的假呀
Oh, not... it wasn't a vacation.
哦不是...我没去休假
Oh, it wasn't? No, I was... I was very constipated.
不是吗？不是我... 我前几天便秘有点严重
I couldn't poop. No, I know what constipation is.
拉不出屎来不是我知道便秘是啥
You don't come to work for two days
只是你两天没来上班
because you were constipated?
就因为你便秘了？
Yeah. Luckily it was only two days.
是的幸好只有两天
The whole world is out there constipated.
这世上哪儿不是便秘的人啊
Half the population is constipated.
全人类有一半都便秘呢
I got married constipated. People do things constipated.
我便秘也去结婚了啊便秘了就不做事了吗
You wouldn't want me here. I wouldn't... I wouldn't...
你也不会想我那个样子工作的我都... 我连...
No, I would want you here. Why wouldn't I want you here?
不啊我想啊为啥不想？
I don't function well with the feeling of heaviness.
我身上很重没法♥正♥常工作
I feel like I'm wearing a cement inner tube.
我感觉腰上注了铅一样
Mmhmm. And now, I mean,
嗯现在我觉得
it's about being available for it to happen.
我就在等着屎来
And it hasn't totally happened, I'm gonna be honest.
严格意义上来说还没来老实说的话
The blessed event hasn't occurred yet?
那个天赐喜事还没发生呢？