生活大爆炸
The Big Bang Theory S07E17
Part 1
Oct. 5, 2019, 9:02 a.m.
拉杰 衣服标签跑出来了
Raj, your tag is sticking out.
谢谢 这是我大概两年来
Thank you. That was the closest I've come to sex
离做♥爱♥最接近的一次了
in, like, two years.
现在我觉得有点恶心了
Now I feel a little gross.
你这话更让我觉得像做♥爱♥了
You're only making it seem more real for me.
那是我老婆好吗
Hey, that's my wife.
如果有人让她觉得做♥爱♥很恶心 那也只能是我
If anyone's gonna make her feel gross about sex, it's me.
我们能聊点除了
Can we please talk about something
我悲催的情场之外的事情吗
other than my depressing love life?
那聊聊佩妮悲催的演艺事业吧
How about Penny's depressing acting career?
现在是有些不顺遂
I mean, it's been a little tough,
但佩妮是在勇敢追梦
but Penny's following her dreams,
在我心中的小本子里 那才不悲催
and in my book, that is not depressing.
谢谢支持
Aw... Thank you.
你的小本子书名是《撒谎骗炮大全》吗
Is that book called Lies I Tell to Get Sex?
这书是真的吗
Is that a real book?
如果真有 我一定拜读啊
I would totally read that book.
等你看完能借我也读读吗
Can I borrow it when you're done?
姐就跟你们分享一下
Well, I'll have you guys know
其实我上周才推掉一部戏约
I turned down a part in a movie last week.
你为什么要推掉
Why would you do that?
因为那角色太狗屎了
Because it was crap.
是我以前演过的
It's a sequel to that awful
杀手猩猩电影的续集
killer gorilla movie I was in.
《杀人恶猿》吗
Serial Ape-ist?
你不是在电影里被砍死了吗
I thought you died in that.
的确
She does.
在电影的42分钟
42 minutes in.
当时她正裸身淋浴
while showering topless,
就是跟其他学生会女生打完枕头仗
16 minutes after brief side butt
还小露了一下侧屁的16分钟后被杀
during a pillow fight with her sorority sisters.
我有过目不忘的记忆力
I have an eidetic memory.
但他忘吃什么药我就不知道了
I don't know what his problem is.
这集里没有淋浴戏
Okay, well, there are no shower scenes in this one.
他们试图从我遗体中克隆出新的我
They just try to clone me from my corpse,
但我的基因跟杀人猩的基因混到了
but my DNA gets mixed with the ape's DNA
所以我得用猩猩的巨手巨脚到处跑
and I end up running around with giant gorilla hands and feet.
是我漏掉什么点了吗
Am I missing something,
这角色不就是完全为她而设的吗
or isn't that the part she was born to play?
你真的不去演这电影吗
So are you really not gonna do this movie?
我觉得这个角色对我的演艺生涯
Well, I don't think it's the kind of part
没有丝毫帮助
that's good for my career.
可是很多知名演员刚出道时
Well, but don't a lot of famous actors
不都是从垃圾电影开始演的吗
get their start doing bad movies?
但梅丽尔·斯特里普应该没碰到过
Okay, I don't think Meryl Streep ever had to say...
"得制止这双猩猩手再去杀人"的电影吧
"must keep gorilla hands from killing again!"
如果她真演了 一定也很赞
If she did, it would be amazing.
这女人真是演什么像什么
That woman can do no wrong.
我对演艺界完全不了解
I-I don't know anything about show business,
所以如果你觉得推掉有酬工作
so if you think it's reasonable to turn down paid work
继续花光自己的积蓄是正确的
and just burn through your savings,
我绝对相信你脑子没抽风
I'm sure you know what you're doing.
我觉得我们该走了
I think we're gonna go.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
我们不是在取笑别人失败的事业吗
We were making fun of failed careers.
都还没聊到真正的大笑点霍华德身上呢
We didn't get to tap the juicy vein that is Howard's.
我跟你不是在同一间大学工作吗
Hey, I work at the same university you do.
是 但就像鹰眼侠也在复仇者联盟中
Yes, and Hawkeye's in the avengers,
你有听过人喊"救命啊 鹰眼侠"吗
but no one ever says, "Help, Hawkeye!"
我能问你个问题吗
Can I ask you something?
为什么你总是要吐槽贬低我老公啊
Why do you constantly feel the need to put down my husband?
他一定是吐槽出于情 贬低更是爱吧
Oh, I'm sure he does it out of love.
我男朋友不也这么对我 好让我对
The same way my boyfriend makes me feel terrible
我做的人生决定感到难受吗
about my life choices.
我们真的要走了
I think we're gonna go.
不用不用 这不是吵架
No, no, no. This is not a fight.
我们只是本来很高兴有人给你戏约嘛
I-I was just excited that someone offered you a part
但后来有点惊讶你居然
and a little surprised that you'd rather sit at home
宁愿在家闲着 也不愿意去演
and do nothing than take it.
现在是吵架了
Now it's a fight.
他们那边说清楚了
Well, with that sorted out,
我也很乐意来回答你的问题 伯纳黛特
I'm happy to answer your question, Bernadette.
是霍华德先开始的
Howard started it.
我什么都没干好吗 我就坐着而已
I didn't do anything. I was just sitting here.
我不是指今晚
I wasn't referring to this evening.
10年前 我与他初次相见时
Ten years ago, upon first seeing me,
你老公说我长得像《星球大战》里的C-3PO
your husband claimed that I looked like C-3PO
与皮·威·赫尔曼
and Pee-wee Herman.
与谢尔顿外形有些神似
而且他还叫我C-3P威赫尔曼
And he called me C-3P-wee Herman.
10年后还是很好笑
Still funny.
那都是10年前了
That was ten years ago.
在9年11个月又3周前
Nine years, 11 months and three weeks ago,
他随后又偷偷换掉了我教课的幻灯片
he followed that up by replacing the slides for my lecture
改成了一张裸身肥女人弯腰露屁♥股♥的照片
with photographs of nude fat women bending over.
你不是吧
Really?
他那堂课在教宇宙的气体云嘛
The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds.
胖子放屁成宇宙云 超好笑
That's funny!
当时我在 真的超好笑
I was there. It was funny.
而在那之后 他开始了长达10年的
In any event, that began a decade-long progression
各种羞辱 恶整 还给我订各种奇怪杂♥志♥
of insults, pranks and unwanted magazine subscriptions.
一直到现在 我还每个月都收到
To this day, I still get a monthly copy
《老奶奶床战老奶奶》
of Granny on Granny.
除了出乎意料好玩的智力游戏页面之外
Which, other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page,
整本都龌龊不堪
is complete filth.
谢谢你陪走到停车位那
Thanks for walking me to my car.
其实我也想谢谢你
Actually, it's for both of us.
昨晚我看了电影《西区故事》
Last night, I watched West Side Story,
现在有点害怕街头帮派
and I'm a little freaked out by street gangs.
为什么拉杰找不到女友
Why can't Raj find a girl?
看来这问题找不到答案啦
The mystery continues.
虽然我不喜欢你挖苦我
I don't appreciate your sarcasm,
但还有两个街区 所以我唯有忍♥忍♥了
but we've still got two blocks to go, so I'll put up with it.
你网上交友进行得如何
Whatever happened with your online dating?
没人回复我 所以我也懒得登上去看了
No one was writing me back, so I stopped checking my profile.
在遇见谢尔顿前 我也准备要放弃
Before I met Sheldon, I was ready to give up, too.
我还曾去拜访过我的妇产科医生
Once, I even dropped in on my OB/GYN
只为寻求跟人类有肉体接触的机会
just to get some human contact.
貌似我的前列腺也好久没检查了
It has been a while since I got my prostate checked.
然后我遇见了谢尔顿 你看我们现在进展多快
Then I met Sheldon and look at where we are now.
有吗 你们交往三年才接过一次吻
What? You've kissed, like, once in three years.
那倒是 你爱干嘛干嘛吧
That's true. Do whatever you want.
你好
Hello.
我一直在想 或许你和我
Listen, I was thinking you and I could
可以试着成为更好的朋友
probably try to be better friends.
是吗
Really?
我觉得我们现在就好得有点过分了
I was thinking what we have now is a bit much.
说真的 我昨晚和伯纳黛特谈过了
Seriously, I was talking to Bernadette last night and...
她说得很有道理
she made some great points.
我们都认识彼此这么长时间了
You and I have known each other a long time,
后面的我没听进去 因为她把胸罩脱掉了
and I didn't hear the rest 'cause she took her bra off.
很好
Very well.
那你觉得我们应该如何增进友谊
How do you propose we move forward?
首先我们可以停止羞辱对方
Uh, for starters, we could stop insulting each other.
这个主意真棒
That's a great idea.
本着我们休战新协议的友好精神
And in the spirit of our new arrangement,
我会掩饰我对你想出这主意的惊讶之情
I will mask my surprise that you came up with it.
总之 这周末太空总署邀请我去休斯顿
Anyway, I got invited to do a little talk at NASA
做一个小演讲
in Houston this weekend.
他们给我提供了两张机票 但伯纳黛特去不了
They gave me two tickets. Bernadette can't go.
你想跟我一起去吗
生活大爆炸
The Big Bang Theory
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