生活大爆炸
The Big Bang Theory S07E12
Part 1
Oct. 5, 2019, 9:02 a.m.
真好 大家能一起吃饭
This is nice, that we all get to eat together.
超棒
Absolutely.
大家能放下手♥机♥
Can we maybe put the phones down
来点人类的真实交流吗
and have an actual human conversation?
可以是可以
We can,
但多谢了史蒂夫·乔布斯
but thanks to Steve Jobs,
我们不用那么麻烦
we don't have to.
各位
Guys, guys,
-我要说一件你们不会信的事 -什么事
- you're never gonna believe this. - What happened?
我要在电视剧上露脸啦
I just got a part on a TV show!
-恭喜你 -太好了
- Congratulations! - What? That's great!
你们几个
Guys!
-好耶 -佩妮真棒
- Oh, yeah! - Yay, Penny!
是哪部电视剧
What's the show?
叫海军罪案小卖♥♥部
Um, NC...II...
还是海军罪案性病处之类的
or, you know, NCSTD... I don't know,
反正就是剧名全是字母的剧啦
it's-it's the one with the letters and I'm gonna be on it!
-真是太好了 -对啊
- That's amazing. - Yeah.
你演什么角色
What's your part?
我演餐厅里的客人
Um, I play a customer in a diner
然后跟男主马克·哈蒙调情
and I flirt with Mark Harmon.
马克·哈蒙
Ooh, Mark Harmon,
他是个男神啊
he's a dreamboat.
就调情戏而已吗
So I-it's just flirting?
是啊 怎么了吗
Well, yeah. Why?
没怎么
Uh, no reason.
我只是觉得有些事
I just think it's sexier when things are
在想象时最美
left to the imagination.
此言大大差矣
He's wrong.
我看到一篇研究 说养狗的男人
So I-I read a study that says a man with a dog
要到女生电♥话♥的几率比不养狗的高三倍
is three times more likely to get a woman's phone number.
就算那让狗舔舌头上的花生酱
Is it true even when the man lets his dog
这男性几率也成立吗
lick peanut butter off his tongue?
为何会不成立
I don't see why not.
如果你真的对女人这么饥渴
If you're really desperate to meet women
又喜欢别人从你嘴里吃东西
and like having food eaten out of your mouth,
我可以介绍我妈给你
I could set you up with my mom.
这有什么好笑
Why is that funny?
这超不卫生
That's just unhygienic.
玩笑而已
It's a joke.
我不这么认为
I don't think so.
我认为一个笑话
I believe that a joke
是简短的口头小故事
is a brief oral narrative
带有着超幽默的剧情反转
with a climactic humorous twist.
举个例子 沃罗威茨的母亲超肥
For example, uh, Wolowitz's mother is so fat
她决定节食
that she decided to go on a diet...
或锻炼 或双管齐下
or exercise, or both.
听到没
See?
反转就是人们通常死性不改
The twist is that people don't usually change.
就是不会改嘛
Well, they don't.
各位 别忘了
Hey, guys, don't forget,
明晚我参演的电视就播出啦
my episode's on TV tomorrow night.
-我们会去看的 -要带什么吃的吗
- We'll be there. - Can we bring anything?
你真是太好了
Oh, that's so sweet of you,
但我打算从这里顺点吃的回去
but I was gonna steal food from here.
你懂 我请客嘛
You know... my treat.
慢着 如果霍华德的母亲也去
Wait, if Howard's mother is coming,
你就应该还顺点弹珠
then you should also steal marbles.
因为她有肥胖症
Because she's obese,
河马也超肥
and hippos are obese,
而在受欢迎的桌游"饥饿河马"中
and in the popular board game "Hungry Hungry Hippos,"
它们吃弹珠
they eat marbles.
也许我该对你们说傻♥逼♥点的笑话
Maybe I need to dumb these down for you.
莱纳德 你觉得我好笑吗
Leonard, do you think I'm funny?
不
No.
你自己觉得呢
Do you?
我觉得我超级好笑
I think I'm hysterical.
我收回刚才这句
I take it back.
你这句的确好笑
That was funny.
但哲学家亨利·柏格林说
The philosopher Henri Bergson says
当人类表现得和物体一样时 就会很好笑
it's funny when a human being behaves like an object.
他这段子在相声秀上肯定火啊
I bet that bit killed at The Chuckle Hut.
他不表演单口相声
Oh, he didn't perform stand-up comedy,
他是个哲学家
he was a philosopher.
我想我们已经找到你不好笑的问题所在了
You know, I think we're zeroing in on your problem.
也许我应该花点时间
Perhaps I'll spend some time
形成统一的喜剧理论
developing a unified theory of comedy,
可以让我随时激发
which will allow me to elicit laughter
任何人的笑声
from anyone at any time.
除非取悦对象是德国人
Unless they're German,
因为他们的笑点太高了
'cause that's a tough crowd.
你要致力于让别人与你共欢笑吗
Are you set on people laughing with you?
因为如果你对被嘲笑没意见的话...
'Cause if you're cool with at you...
我不明白
I don't get it.
拉杰 你说你今晚会带个伴
Raj, when you said you were gonna bring a date
去看佩妮的电视剧
to watch Penny's thing tonight,
我没想到你指的是斯图尔特
I didn't think you meant Stuart.
是吗
Really?
我从来没想过
I never for a second
还有可能是其他人
thought it'd be anything else.
我昨晚差点泡到个妞 但结果还是吹了
I almost met someone last night, but I blew it.
我在遛小桂子
I was walking Cinnamon
那个女生自我介绍
and this girl introduced herself,
她太可爱了 我慌了
but she was so cute I panicked
我说 比起交谈
and said, "Wouldn't it be easier
我们互相闻菊花不是更简单吗
if instead of talking we could just sniff each other's butts?"
斯图尔特也有独特的可爱之处
Well, Stuart's cute in his own way.
我还是宝宝时
When I was a baby,
我妈妈管我叫她的小负鼠
my mother called me her little possum.
负鼠可爱吗
Are possums cute?
简直是魔鬼
Not at all.
如果你这么害怕
If you're so intimidated
和美女交谈
by talking to attractive girls,
也许你应该练习和普通人说话
maybe you should practice by talking to regular people.
你是说肥猪和恐龙妹吗
You mean like fatties and uggos?
或者干脆都别说话了
Or maybe just stop talking.
我是认真的
I'm serious.
去商场 随便找个人说话当练习
Go to the mall, talk to anybody, practice--
这样的话 等你真有机会跟一个美女说话
that way, when you eventually do talk to a cute girl,
就不会觉得那么害怕了
it won't be so scary.
或者继续跟负鼠约会算了
Or just keep dating the possum.
帕尔萨没有那方面的资源
Parsa doesn't have those kind of resources.
不 所以他让艾琳·佩斯重发一遍
No, and that's why he had Erin Pace rewire it...
我真为你感到骄傲
I'm so proud of you.
-我都还没有出场呢 -我知道
- We haven't even gotten to my scene yet. - I know,
但你即将成为电视明星
but you're going to be a TV star
而你还没有甩掉我 这需要莫大的勇气啊
and you haven't left me yet. That takes guts.
我不知道你感觉如何
I don't know about you,
-但这让我感到非常不舒服 -为什么
- but I'm very uncomfortable with all this. - Why?
我之前从来没看过这个剧
I've never seen this show before
而现在居然让我从246集看起
and now I'm starting with episode 246?
这有违自然规律
It's unnatural.
你就把前面245集当是前传嘛
Just think of the first 245 as the prequel.
好吧
All right.
好啦 各位 我要出场啦
Okay, shh. Guys, guys, this is it.
现在就剩咱俩了 小姑娘
I guess it's you and me, kid.
你有何目的
What are you doing?
我是来讲和的
I'm trying to make peace.
-我们没事啊 -很好
- We're good. - Good.
-真的吗 -开什么玩笑
- Really? Because... - Are you kidding me?
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