公园与游憩（2009）

Parks and Recreation S02E10

Part 3 Jan. 27, 2024, 11:42 a.m.

哦 Ron 对不起了我们必须这么做 - Ron 你必须吐
Oh, Ron. I'm sorry we have to do this! - Ron, you have to.
Ron 这是为你自己好
Ron? This is for your own good.
我会咬你的 - 张开嘴
I will bite you! - Open your mouth!
Leslie 让...抓住他的胡子 - 哦天哪
Leslie, get... Grab his mustache! - Oh, God!
张开嘴 - 只要...
Open your mouth! - Just a...
张开嘴 - 他的肩膀
Open your mouth! - His shoulders!
好消息是Ron正在舒适地休息
Well, good news is Ron is resting comfortably.
他没事吧他会活下来吗
Is he okay? Is he gonna live?
我觉得行
I think so.
虽然我希望他能失去一小部分记忆
Although I am hoping that he has some memory loss.
曾殴打女友Rihanna
从一级到Chris Brown 他有多抓狂
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how pissed is he?
他很好奇是谁打到他了
Well, he's very curious about who shot him.
所以如果是你开的枪就说 "是我♥干♥的"
So, if you did it, just say, "I did it."
来吧开枪射了Ron的人
Come on, person who shot Ron.
你看我觉得有点奇怪
Look, I think it's a little weird
没人承认射到Ron的脑袋了
that nobody wants to admit that they shot Ron in the head.
可能Ron射了他自己
Maybe Ron shot himself.
嗯他最近看起来确实很抑郁
Hmm, he has seemed really depressed lately.
他被射的部位是后脑勺
He was shot in the back of the head.
说得没错
You're right.
他很爱自己的后脑勺
He loves the back of his head.
他不会射到自己那里的
He would never shoot himself there.
可能是其他什么人射了Ron
It could have been someone else that shot Ron.
不在我们之中的某人
Someone not in our group.
你觉得有人在捕猎我们
You think someone is hunting us?
人类才是最危险的
Man is the most dangerous game.
对食肉动物来说
To The Predator.
我是在外面闻到了什么肯定不是人类
I did smell something out there. And it wasn't human.
那是松树的味道
That was pine trees.
食肉动物能通过体温感知
The Predator can see heat.
我们应该全部裹上泥它可能还在外面
We should cover ourselves in mud. It could still be out there.
你听见了吗 - 我听到了什么
Did you hear that? - Actually, I did hear something.
好吧确实有人能在那 - 我去拿枪
Okay. There's someone out there. - I'm gonna get my gun.
好的 Tom 把他吓跑在他头上面来一枪
Okay, Tom. Scare him off and shoot over his head!
那有啥用我要在他头上来一枪
What's that gonna do? I'm gonna shoot under its head!
别射任何人 - 哇你在干什么啊
Don't shoot anyone! - Whoa! Where are you going?
你在搞什么 - Tom
What are you doing? - Tom!
嘿别开枪嘿是Reinhold奔驰店的Craig
Hey! Don't shoot! Hey! It's Craig from Reinhold Mercedes!
Craig Craig 我来了哥们 Craig 别担心我过来了
Craig! Craig, I got you, dog! Craig! Don't worry, I'm coming!
注意了射了我头的那个人
Attention, person who shot me in the head!
我要找到你然后把你撕个粉碎
I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna tear you apart.
Ron 上♥床♥ 现在
Ron! Bed! Now!
好吧
Okay.
那个人不是我哥哥
That man wasn't my brother.
他是我的老公
He was my husband.
怎样那不好吗 - 是啊你能做得更好
How was that? That wasn't good? - Yeah, you can do better.
好再来一条
All right. Give me another one.
好
Okay.
我怀孕了是Josh Groban的孩子
I'm pregnant with Josh Groban's baby.
还不错 - 你来一次
That was good. - You do one.
好
Okay.
你什么意思那个松鼠拿出了坚果...
What do you mean the squirrel took the nuts out of the...
从那个孩子的包里然后吃掉了
Out of that kid's backpack and ate them?
但你得给我一个喷的理由
But you have to give me a reason to spit.
喷出来
To spit!
你问了我个... - 哦哦哦懂懂懂了
You asked me a... - Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
别问我问题 - 我不问了好
Don't ask me a question. - I won't. Okay.
不是问题 - 好准备好吗
Not a question. - Okay, ready?
好
Yeah.
我一生都住在Pawnee
I've lived in Pawnee my whole life.
这是个事实关于我的事实
That is a fact. A fact about me.
怎么...
And how...
嘿他怎么样了
Hey. How is he?
他晕过去了
He's pretty out of it.
他睡着的时候还说起你
He's talking about you in his sleep.
好事情吗
Good stuff?
不外面怎么样了
No. How's it going out there?
太糟了没人承认自己射了Ron 也没人看见怎么回事
Terribly. No one will admit they shot Ron. And no one saw it happen.
我知道怎么回事
I know what happened.
你知道?
You do?
听着我听说了这个事故我需要搞清楚是谁的责任
Listen, I heard about the accident. And I need to know who is responsible.
我不知道 - Ron和我看到Jerry...
I don't know. - Ron and I saw Jerry...
这就是问题 - 是我
That's the problem. - I am.
我开枪打了Ron Swanson
I shot Ron Swanson.
你打了我的奔驰
You shot my Mercedes?
什么不不
What? No! No!
好的跟着光走不不用动整个头转眼睛
Okay, follow my light. No, not your whole head. Just your eyes.
就啊好
Just... Yeah. Okay.
现在是几月
What month is it?
十一月
November.
你为什么要为此背锅啊
Why are you taking the blame for this?
别担心我知道我在干嘛
Don't worry about it. I know what I'm doing.
照顾好Ron就行
Just go look after Ron.
所以发生了什么你忘了检查环境吗
So what happened? Did you forget to check the entire field?
我发现很多女性都有视野狭窄的问题
I find a lot of women have problems with tunnel vision.
不我是个出色的猎人
No. I'm an excellent hunter.
那你最后怎么打到一个人的头了
How did you end up shooting a guy in the head then?
好吧我走在树林里
Fair enough. I was walking in the woods
然后绊倒了枪走火了
and then I tripped and my gun went off.
啊所以你忘了锁安全栓
Ah, so you forgot to put the safety on.
不我安全栓一直锁着呢我...
No, I always have the safety on. I'm...
我绊倒的时候看到一直鹌鹑然后射了它
While I was tripping, I saw a quail and I shot at it.
绊倒过程中吗
In mid-trip?
不那...
No, that's...
好吧好吧
Okay, fine.
我有那个女孩子都有的视野狭窄问题啊
I got that tunnel vision that girls get.
就是这么回事剧终
And that's what happened. End of story.
我觉得你很可笑因为显然你异常的兴奋
I think you're hysterical because of all the excitement, obviously.
所以我跟不上你的故事好吗
So, I'm just not following your story. All right?
我让我的情绪占主动了
I let my emotions get the best of me.
我就...我会...我太在乎了我猜
I just... I would... I cared too much, I guess.
我在用我的女性部位思考
I was thinking with my lady parts.
我走在路上突然觉得什么黏糊糊的
I was walking and I felt something icky.
我以为他们会有巧克力的
I thought there was gonna be chocolate.
我根本都不记得了啊
I don't even remember.
我穿了件新胸罩是前面开扣的那种
I'm wearing a new bra and it closes in the front,
突然弹开了让我措手不及
so it popped open and it threw me off.
我就是想要生宝宝啊
All I wanna do is have babies!
你单身吗
Are you single?
我就是现在在经历一些事情啊
I'm just, like, going through a thing right now.
我猜我人生不完整的时候就想开枪打谁
I guess when my life is incomplete I wanna shoot someone.
我要是有根阴♥茎♥就没这问题了啊
This would not happen if I had a penis.
啥
What?
婊♥子♥们都疯了
Bitches be crazy.
我很擅长忍♥受疼痛我数学不好还有我很蠢
I'm good at tolerating pain. I'm bad at math. And I'm stupid.
我在想他们在干嘛
I wonder what they're doing right now.
可能在一只死鹿尸体身上亲热吧
Probably making out on top of a deer carcass.
超浪漫那种
Super romantic.
你知道我要是给你留个唇印肯定会让Ann嫉妒的
You know, if I gave you a hickey, it would totally make Ann jealous.
我不知道我觉得那会...
I don't know, I think that would...
挺恶心的感觉很奇怪
That's pretty gross. Seems kind of weird.
一个朋友吸另一个朋友的脖子有什么奇怪的
What's weird about one friend sucking on another friend's neck?
你要是这么说的话听起来就一点都不奇怪了
When you put it that way, it doesn't sound that weird at all.
是的确实是我给了我同性恋男友的男友一个吻痕
Yeah, it's not. I gave my gay boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey
然后让我同性恋男友嫉妒得要死
and it totally made my gay boyfriend jealous.
真的假的
Really?
好太棒了我同意
All right. Awesome. I'm in.
我去消毒下我的脖子
I'm gonna go sterilize my neck.
好
Okay.
咋