公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S02E04
Part 2
Jan. 27, 2024, 11:41 a.m.
But then he'll wonder why I haven't been married.
你知道吗 我要说我结过
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna say that I was married.
真正的问题是 我要不要说我有孩子了
The real question is, should I say that I have kids.
男的喜欢有小孩的女人 对吧
Guys like girls that have kids, right?
哇
Whoa!
苏丹地区 长♥期♥存在地缘政♥治♥问题
我要是喝醉了狂聊达尔富尔怎么办
What if I get drunk and I talk about Darfur too much?
或者不够 要是我没讲够达尔富尔呢
Or not enough? What if I don't bring up Darfur enough?
Leslie 放松
Leslie, relax.
好
Yeah.
行
Okay?
我还有几个问题 Ann
I just have a few more questions for you, Ann.
如果他有另一个女人同行怎么办
What if he shows up with another woman?
如果我袖子起火了快速蔓延怎么办
What if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly?
如果我含的几片不是薄荷糖而是安♥眠♥药♥
What if instead of Tic Tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien
必须全程捶腿保持清醒怎么办
and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?
这些都是疯狂的假设
Those are all insane hypotheticals.
我保证都不会发生的
And I promise you they won't happen.
都发生过
They have happened.
所有这些都在我身上发生过
All of these have happened to me.
不 还有
No, there's more.
有一次 我完整喝完了一瓶醋
One time, I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar.
我以为是劣质红酒
I thought it was terrible wine.
有一次我约了个全程戴着3D眼镜的男的
Once I went out with a guy who wore 3D glasses the entire evening.
哦 有一次我在一个男的摩托车的边车上
Oh, one time I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle,
边车脱离了 从楼梯上飞了下去
and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs.
还有一次 我跟一男的看一场非常无聊的电影
Another time, I went to a really boring movie with a guy,
我睡着的时候 他试着拔我的牙
and while I was asleep, he tried to pull out one of my teeth.
我醒来的时候他的手还在我嘴里
I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth.
我们又出去过几次 不过他变奇怪了
We went out a couple times after that, but then he got weird.
我知道听起来莫名其妙 我是个成年女性
I know it sounds crazy, I'm a grown woman,
但我真的不擅长初次约会
but I am just not good on first dates.
哦 好吧 好吧
Oh, okay. Okay.
你有个问题 这是我们的解决办法
You have a problem, and this is how we're gonna fix it.
我知道你在想啥
I know what you're thinking.
我戴个耳机 你坐在附近桌子上
I wear an earpiece, you sit at a table nearby,
对着麦讲话 告诉我约会上说什么
you speak into a mic, you tell me what to say on the date.
但我告诉你 Ann 永远行不通
But let me tell you something, Ann, it never works.
不不不 我们去餐厅来个练习约会
No, no, no. We are gonna go to a restaurant and have a practice date.
我假装Dave 你对着我练习
I will pretend to be Dave, and you will practice on me.
这主意好多了
That's a way better idea.
嘿 Dave 是我 Leslie
Hey, Dave, it's me. It's Leslie.
嗨 Leslie 很高兴见到你 - 你好
Hi, Leslie. It's good to see you. - Hi!
你现在还不该这么做
You don't wanna do that quite yet.
所以 Dave
So, Dave.
我们开始对话吧
Let's begin our conversation.
提示卡上写的啥
What's on the note cards?
可能的谈话主题
They're possible topics of conversation.
鲸鱼 游♥行♥ 电力
Whales, parades, electricity.
剩下是空的
And the rest are blank.
我想不到其他的了
Yeah, well, I couldn't think of anything else.
Leslie情况比我想象的更差
Leslie's in worse shape than I thought.
她在练笑吗
Is she practice-laughing?
哦 Dave 你啊
Oh, Dave... you!
丹麦人叫它 "op og ned apparat"
The Danish call it "op og ned apparat",
字面翻译过来就是"上下机器"
which literally translated means the "up and down machine."
哇 真是对跷跷板历史的全面介绍
Wow, that's a thorough history of the teeter-totter.
现在我想说说Pawnee本地的动植物 - 够了
Now I'm gonna talk about the local flora and fauna found in Pawnee. - Okay.
神奇的是... - 你知道吗 就问我个问题
What's amazing... - You know what? Just ask me a question.
试着了解我
Just try to get to know me.
好
Okay.
我想不出任何问题 抱歉 大脑空白
I can't think of anything to ask you. I'm sorry. My mind is blank.
就问我你想到的第一件事
Just ask me the first thing that comes to your head.
你那个有多大
How big is it?
认真的? - 哦天啊
Really? - Oh, my God.
嘿 Tommy 嗨
Hey, Tommy. Hi.
你好 - 准备好了吗
Hey. - Are you ready?
准备好了 稍等一会儿
Yes, I am. Just give me one second.
嘿 Donna 问你件事
Hey, Donna. Let me ask you something.
你恨黑人吗
Do you hate black people?
你说什么
Excuse me?
因为显然 1988年的时候
'Cause, apparently, in 1988,
你在总统竞选中的捐款对象是 David Duke!
you donated money to the presidential campaign for David Duke!
三K党那个?
The KKK guy?
我接到过电♥话♥ 他们说他会减税
I got a phone call. They said he would lower taxes.
哈
Boom!
惨败的感觉如何啊
How's it feel to lose so hard?
很抱歉 亲爱的 我们喝咖啡去
I'm sorry, honey. Let's get coffee.
Ree-Ron 你记得我的夫人 Wendy Haverford
Ree-Ron! You remember my wife, Wendy Haverford.
当然 - 是 你好
Of course. - Yeah, hi.
医院情况如何
How are things at the hospital?
非常好 谢谢 我刚刚拿到一笔儿科的外科基金
Very good, thank you. I just got a pediatric surgery fellowship.
很棒啊 - 我们在庆祝
Nice. - We're celebrating,
因为她又有钱又有颜
'cause she's super rich and super hot also.
好了 走吧 Tommy 别说了
Okay. Come on, Tommy. Cut it out.
你就是超级漂亮 其他人只能认栽
You're super hot. Everybody else has to deal with it.
我们出门吧 回见 Ron
Let's get out of here. See you later, Ron.
我建立了一个科学完善的十分制标准
I've established a scientifically perfect 10-point scale
评价人类相貌
of human beauty.
Wendy 7.4分
Wendy is a 7.4,
对Tom来说分数太高了 他3.8
which is way too high for Tom, who is a 3.8.
10分是网坛传奇Steffi Graf
Ten is tennis legend Steffi Graf.
嗨 Dave
Hi, Dave.
你迟到了 而且你裙子凸点了
You're late. And I can see your nipples through your dress.
什么 不 真的
What? No. Really?
在护士学校里 我们有一种针对恐惧症的心理课程
In nursing school, we took a psych course on how to treat phobias
使用所谓的"暴露疗法"
with a method called "exposure therapy."
比如 你要是怕蛇
So, like, if you were afraid of snakes,
就把你丢到蛇池子里去
they would immerse you in a tank of snakes.
所以 我要把Leslie丢到烂约会池子里
So, I am going to immerse Leslie in a tank of bad date.
你迟到20分钟了 我差点走了
You're 20 minutes late, I almost left.
好吧
Okay.
天啊 - 我去接我侄子了
God! - Well, I was dropping my niece off.
你侄子叫什么
What's your niece's name?
Torple
Torple.
什么 我不知道
What? I don't know.
那不是个名字 我没有侄子
That's not a name. I don't have a niece.
我侄子的名字是Stephanie - 别撒谎了
My niece's name is Stephanie. - Stop lying.
嘿 看 有面包 来点吗 哦不
Hey, look. There's bread. You want some? Oh, no!
我把花掉你汤里了 不好意思 - 哦不是吧
I got flowers in your soup. I'm so sorry. - Oh come on!
就 我就去下呼啸山庄
Just... I have to go to the whiz palace.
你知道的 Dave 那个你
You know, Dave, the place where you...
你知道 那个厕所东西
You know, the toilet thing.
卫生间 叫卫生间
It's a bathroom! It's called a bathroom!
嘿 Mark
Hey, Mark.
一只小鸟跟我说你有张未付款的停车罚单
A little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket.
有意思 因为一只小鸟跟我说
Well, that's funny, because a little birdie told me
你的养母因为持有大♥麻♥被捕了
that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession.
哦 我靠
Oh, snap!
什么
What?
你不知道啊
You didn't know that, huh?
我不知道我是领养的
I didn't know I was adopted.
哦不 哦 Jerry 哦 Jerry 我太抱歉了
Oh, no. Oh, Jerry. Oh, Jerry. I'm so sorry.
我真的没想玩 - 你...
I really didn't wanna play. - You...
那不是我本意
That was not my intention.
不是你的错 他拿停车罚单逗你来着
It's not your fault. He totally baited you with that unpaid parking ticket.
Tom 来我办公室一下吧
Tom, could you come into my office?
番茄鸡蛋Tom
Tom-ato sauce.
Ron塔那摩湾
Ron-tonamo Bay.
请入座 然后祝贺我
Do be seated and congratulate me.
祝贺什么
For what?
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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