公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation S02E08
Part 2
Jan. 27, 2024, 11:42 a.m.
When we were dating, the only job he had
《幸存者》 野外生存节目 《一掷千金》 猜奖金节目
就是给《幸存者》或者《一掷千金》发报名短片
was sending audition tapes to Survivor and Deal or No Deal.
嗨 我的名字是Andy Dwyer
Hi, my name is Andy Dwyer,
我会是《一掷千金》的完美参赛者
and I would be a perfect contestant for Deal or No Deal.
我希望它变成一个完美的公园 有现代的秋千
I want it to be a perfect park with a state-of-the-art swing set,
篮球场 旁边还有
and basketball courts, and off to the side,
给哮喘小孩坐着看其他孩子玩的温馨入座区
a lovely sitting area for kids with asthma to watch other kids play.
哇 如果我长大时能有这么个公园
Wow. If I'd had a park like that when I was growing up,
可能我就不会经历那么漫长的商场荡♥妇♥阶段了
I probably wouldn't have gone through such a prolonged mall-slut phase.
这就是我们的目标啊 Tammy
Well, that's the goal, Tammy.
听着 你们先去那的
Listen, you guys got there first.
出于对你专业的礼貌 我就撤回我的请求
I'm gonna withdraw my request for the lot, as a professional courtesy to you.
政♥府♥姐妹 对吧
Government gals, right?
政♥府♥姐妹
Government gals.
所以你和Tammy聊过了
So you talked to Tammy?
直视撒旦的屁♥眼♥感觉如何
What's it like to stare into the eye of Satan's butthole?
她变了 Ron 她是另一个人了
She's changed, Ron. She's a different person.
我觉得你们有个了结的话会很健康
I think it would be healthy for you to get a sense of closure.
看看Mark和我 我们睡过了
Look at Mark and me. We slept together.
我们聊过了 我们还是朋友
We talked about it, we're still friends.
你和Brendanawicz睡过了
You slept with Brendanawicz?
没
No.
Tammy和我行不通 我们像是油和水
Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water.
或者油和 TNT C4炸♥弹♥ 引爆装置 再加一个丁烷灯
Or oil, and TNT, and C-4, and a detonator, and a butane torch.
没有好事会...
Nothing good will come...
等等
Wait.
她来了 对吧
She's here, isn't she?
你好啊 Ron
Hi, Ron.
Tammy
Tammy.
很好 好开始
Good. Good start.
我这样很抱歉 但我只想跟你聊聊
I'm sorry about this, but I just really wanna talk to you.
我们能喝杯咖啡吗
Couldn't we go have a cup of coffee?
我们速战速决
Let's get this over with.
谢了 Ron 这对我意义重大
Thanks, Ron. It means a lot.
你是个奇迹制♥造♥者
You're a miracle worker.
哦
Oh.
你知道你刚刚做了什么吗 - 知道 Donna
Do you know what you just did? - Yes, Donna.
我让两个人搁置了几年来的敌意
I got two people to put aside years of hostility
为潜在的友谊打开了门
and open a door to the possibility of friendship.
Ron和Tammy离婚的时候你还不在这 我在
You were not here when Ron and Tammy got divorced. I was.
这俩人就是疯子
Those two are crazy.
是啊 你刚刚打开了疯人院的门
Yeah. And you just opened the gates to Crazytown.
坦白说 我觉得Ron有点小孩子气了
Frankly, I think Ron was acting like a baby, a little bit.
他在害怕什么呢 Tammy只是个女人
I mean, what is he afraid of? Tammy's just a woman.
一个好女人 她又不是个杀人犯
A nice woman. You know, she's not a murderer.
她也不是条龙
She's not a dragon.
见到你挺好的 Ron
It's really good to see you, Ron.
你的老样挺可怕的
You've aged horribly.
你个婊♥子♥养♥的♥
You son of a bitch.
没坚持太久 - 哦我的天啊
That didn't take long. - Oh, my God.
你什么毛病啊 什么都没变 不是吗
What is your problem? Nothing's changed, has it?
谁烧的床啊 哈 - 抱歉 老乡们
Who set the bed on fire, huh? - Excuse me, folks.
我烧的 好嘛 这是你想听的吗
I did. Okay? Is that what you wanna hear?
拜托了 老乡们 - 我们没事 我们没事
Please, folks. - We're fine. We're fine.
我很抱歉 - 求你们了
Okay. I'm so sorry. - Please.
好 - 悠着点 - 我的天
Fine. - Take it easy. - Oh, my God.
当你搅和进他人的私生活时
When you meddle in someone's personal life,
会很有成就感
it's just so rewarding.
哦天啊 好 哦天啊
Oh, God, yes. Oh, God.
哦 哇 - 棒
Oh, wow. - Yeah.
先生 女士
Sir. Ma'am.
哦天啊
Oh, God.
哦 是的 宝贝 加足马力
Oh, yes. Baby. Gun it.
去老地方
The usual place.
*男人的名牌写着持枪游历*
Have Gun Will Travel reads the card of a man
*无甲的骑士在蛮荒之地*
A knight without armor in a savage land
早上好 Jerry 这件毛衣真漂亮
Good morning, Jerry. That is a beautiful sweater vest.
April 看起来你需要20块钱啊 对吧
April. You look like you could use $20. Am I right?
为什么
Why?
因为你是个孩子 孩子总需要钱的
'Cause you're a kid, and kids always need money.
我也需要钱啊
I need money.
哈 所以你才是我最喜欢的啊 Tom
Ha! That's why you're my favorite, Tom.
当老虎伍兹春风得意的时候
When Tiger Woods feels invincible,
他会穿一件红上衣和黑裤子
he wears a red shirt and black pants.
早上好 副官
Good morning, Deputy.
Ron在做♥爱♥后第二天也这么穿
Ron wears the same thing after he's had sex.
我是个简单的男人
I'm a simple man.
我喜欢深发美女和早餐食物
I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.
但我在框架商店买♥♥的这张照片不是真的
But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real.
今天 我得到了真东西
Today, I got the real thing.
今早一个全♥裸♥的Tammy给我做了早餐
A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning.
我应该拍张照的
I should have taken a picture of it.
嘿 Tom - 怎么了
Hey, Tom. - What's up?
我女朋友的前任在我工位30米外的地方工作
My girlfriend's ex is working 100 feet away from my desk,
而且他很明确想要把她夺回去
and he's been pretty clear about wanting her back.
我该怎么做
What do I do with that?
嗯 这是个难题
Mmm. That's a tough one.
你应该和她分手 告诉她跟我约会
You should break up with her, and tell her to go out with me.
挺好的 我能再问个问题吗
That's good. Can I ask you another question?
我为啥要来问你呢
Why did I come to you for advice?
好吧 我觉得你该冷静对待啊 朋友
Okay. I think you should play this one cool, man.
做个成熟的大人 走高尚的路
Be the grown-up. Take the high road.
是啊
Yeah.
Ann是个上档次的妞
Ann's a classy chick.
如果你去蹚浑水 只会失去她的尊重
If you get down in the mud, you're just gonna lose her respect.
你居然说得很有道理 Tom 谢谢
You've just made a surprising amount of sense, Tom. Thank you.
我从来不走高尚的路 但我告诉他人走
I've never taken the high road. But I tell other people to.
这样我就能安心抄小路了
'Cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
所以 和Tammy咖啡喝得怎么样
So, how did your coffee with Tammy go?
Leslie 我太感谢你
Leslie, I can't thank you enough
管了不该管的事
for sticking your nose where it didn't belong.
我就知道 你们都聊了些啥 旧事吗
I knew it. So what did you guys talk about? Old times?
哦 我爱死聊旧事了 新事也很棒
Oh, I love talking about old times. New times are great, too,
但旧事就是有点 你知道的吧
but there's just something about old times, you know what I mean?
我们没聊 我们做♥爱♥了
We didn't talk. We made love.
哦 天 嗯 好
Oh, my. Mmm. Good.
细节就别讲了 我很高兴
Well, spare me the details. I'm just happy.
太激烈了 我感觉我的身体和她融为一体了
It was so intense, I didn't know where my flesh stopped and hers began.
你懂我意思吧
You know what I mean?
懂
Yeah.
我们的婚姻一直完全是灾难 但我们还有那个
Our marriage was always a complete disaster, but we did have that.
互相之间 就像缓慢地一边吸致幻剂一边打喷嚏 持续六个小时
The two of us. It's like doing peyote and sneezing, slowly, for six hours.
这听起来是私事 但我很...
This seems like a private matter, but I'm so...
那个女人真的知道处理阴♥茎♥的法则
That woman really knows her way around a penis.
好的 我很开心进展顺利 你们很享受咖啡
Okay. Well, I'm happy that it went well and that you enjoyed your coffee.
我真心认为所有人都该和前任做朋友
I truly believe that everyone should be friends with their exes.
我都不知道参加过多少个前任的婚礼
I can't even tell you how many of my exes' weddings I've been to.
他们在读原来的离婚协议
They're reading their old divorce papers.
"三把头发" 根本不可能啊
"Three fistfuls of hair." That's not even possible.
Donna 我档次太高不想说"我早说了"
Well, I'm too classy to say "I told you so," Donna.
所以我写在便签上了
So I wrote it on a Post-it.
我早说了
Leslie
Leslie.
要不你今天就休息吧
Why don't you take the rest of the day off?
我觉得 你花了这么长时间担心这个公园
I mean, you spend so much time worrying about this park,
但实际上 谁在乎呢
but really, who cares?
我在乎 我特别在乎
I care. I care a lot.
这是我的天性 记得吗
It's kind of my thing, remember?
但到头来 这片空地变成公园 博物馆 或者超级教堂 又有什么关系呢
But at the end of the day, what does it matter if the lot becomes a park, or a museum, or a megachurch?
或者图书馆
Or a library.
没人说过"图书馆"啊
公园与游憩（2009）
Parks and Recreation
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