最后一人（2011）

Last Man Standing S06E15

Part 2 March 19, 2021, 1:03 p.m.

哦是呢最性感了
Oh, yes, there is.
洗衣服和做晚饭的男人
A man who does laundry and makes dinner.
哦哦亲爱的
Oh-oh, baby.
嗨 Mike 我来了
Hey, Mike. I'm here.
哦你也来上杂活儿工的课吗？
Well, are you getting
handyman lessons, too?
是的我之前在考虑这个事情
Yeah. I was thinking about it.
男人总该有能力修某些东西的
And there are some things
a man should be able to fix,
不管是修水管还是修馅饼皮
whether it be plumbing or pastries.
好吧管你自我安慰了些什么话
Well, whatever you have to tell yourself.
你知道吗？
You know what?
Vanessa已经把你的馅饼烤盘洗干净了
Vanessa's cleaned your tart pan.
(Sighs)
谢谢你 Vanessa
Thank you, Vanessa.
我懂烤干了的樱桃碎屑是烘焙者们的噩梦
I mean, dried-on cherry
crumble is a baker's nightmare.
好吧听着我们准备在车♥库♥里开始了但是小心
All right, listen, we're gonna
start in the garage, but beware,
那里可不会有香料气息
it doesn't smell like patchouli out there.
不过马上就要有了
Well, it's about to.
所以你是怎么劝服他来上你的小小杂工课的？
So, how'd you talk him into taking
your little handyman class?
Ryan有点像那种俄♥罗♥斯♥套娃
Well, Ryan is kind of like one
of those little Russian dolls.
你懂的剥掉最外面的
You know, you take off the top,
里面有一堆更小的嬉皮士……
it's just a series of
smaller and smaller hippies...
……直到你最后挖出那个极小的男人
...till you finally get
down to a very little man.
而且你们都做？
And all of you are doing this?
Kyle没问题吗？
Is... Is Kyle okay with that?
我希望没有
I hope not.
我要让他俩跟彼此竞争
I'm gonna pit them against each other.
那样他们能学得快些
That way, th...
they'll learn faster,
而且最棒的是我看着会很爽
and the best part is I'll be entertained.
亲爱的听我说
Honey, look.
竞争不是最棒的学习方式
Competition is not the best way to learn.
科学研究证明了合作机制会有效得多
Cooperation has been proven
to be much more effective.
是是
Right, right.
所以他们都是和和气气打铁笼内的搏击赛的
That's why they fight cage
matches to an understanding.
听我说当你们在合作的时候你们是在分享点子
Look, when you're cooperating,
you're sharing ideas,
没有人会觉得自己输了
and nobody feels like they're losing.
所以这种胡说八道
You know, this kind of mumbo jumbo
才让美国的教育被排在了……你也知道的……第17位
is why the U.S. is rated, what...
you know this... 17th in education.
我们得向呃波兰波兰看齐
We're looking up to,
what, uh, Poland. Poland.
嘿嘿嘿
Hey, hey, hey.
波兰做了很多革新努力的
Poland has done a lot of innovative things.
说不定他们都开始写段子笑话我们了
They might start writing jokes about us.
不不不
No, no, no.
美国人没有他们那么搞笑
Americans aren't funny.
（许多笑话是调侃波兰人的，“……走进酒吧”是常见开头）
当美国人走进酒吧的时候他就只是想要喝酒而已
When an American walks in to a
bar, he just wants a drink.
听我说竞争对男生们有益的
Look, and c-competition's good for boys.
在我和Jimmy身上就起效了
It worked for Jimmy and me.
Ryan和Kyle不像你和你弟弟那样
Ryan and Kyle are not
like you and your brother.
他们俩打招呼的方式可不是徒手碎核桃
I don't think their main form
of greeting is a nut chop.
竞争可以把他们的潜能激发到最大
Competition can push these
guys to be their best,
就像激发我和Jimmy那样
just like it was with Jimmy and me.
不过我的最大值还是比Jimmy的大很多
Although my best is still
a lot better than Jimmy's.
你什么时候才能不再和你弟弟继续比了？
When are you gonna stop
competing with your brother?
我们中一个死了以后
When one of us dies.
而且我会先死我会死得更好我会死得更快
And I'm gonna die first, I'm gonna die
better, and I'm gonna die faster.
好了准备好开始学习了 Mr. B
All right. Ready to learn, Mr. B.
祝你好运 Kyle - 来吧
Good luck, Kyle. - Come on.
还有呃……我很抱歉/遗憾
And, uh... I'm sorry.
哦好了行了我们走吧
Oh, stop. All right. Here we go.
需要多少个美国人来拧一个灯泡？
How many Americans does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
（经典笑话句式“需要多少……来拧灯泡”）
只需要一个我觉得
Just one, I think.
嘿 Ryan在这里干嘛？
Hey, what's Ryan doing here?
嗷见鬼
Aw, doggone it.
我是不是忘记告诉你了他也想学修水管？
Did I forget to tell you that he
wants to learn about plumbing, too?
希望你不介意分享所有这一切
Listen, I hope you don't
mind sharing all of this.
挺会戴高帽子的呢是吧 Mike？
Laying it on pretty thick,
aren't you there, Mike?
我必须这么干啊我们可是在和Kyle说话啊
I kind of have to. We're dealing with Kyle.
他要戴帽子干嘛？
What's he laying on?
你看吧
Hmm?
他在利用我们 Kyle
He's using us, Kyle.
那天他利用你来让我嫉妒
The other day, he was using
you to make me jealous,
现在他在利用我来让你嫉妒
and now, he's using me to make you jealous.
Mr. B 不会做这样的事情的
Mr. B. would never do anything like that.
我就是在做这个事啊 Kyle
That's exactly what I'm doing, Kyle.
你知道吗？他不会接受的 Mike
You know what? He's not
gonna go for it, Mike.
嘿要是Mr. B觉得我应该接受我是不会让他失望的
Hey, if Mr. B. thinks I'm gonna fall
for it, I am not gonna let him down.
好吧
All right.
谁想学点儿关于工具的事情？
Who wants to learn a
little bit about tools?
哦我想比Ryan想多了
Oh, I do. A lot more than Ryan.
如果我知道他在干什么了怎么可能还会起效呢？
If I know what he's doing,
how come it's still working?
因为美国教育只排第17位
Because America is 17th in education.
嘿这是我欠你的20块
Eve: Hey, here's the 20 bucks I owe you.
要是妈妈说她丢了20块她是骗你的
If Mom says she's missing
20 bucks, she's lying.
哦谢谢 Eve
Oh. Thanks, Eve.
我爱你
I love you.
(Snickers)
Kristin: (Laughs)
呃 Evie 你姐姐刚刚对你说了“我爱你”呀
(Clears throat) Uh, Evie, I think
your sister just said "I love you."
呃你至少应该说一句“谢谢你”吧
Um, the very least you could
do is say, "thank you."
好了听我说
Okay, listen.
我根本不知道他要准备投“第一次说爱你”的炸♥弹♥
I didn't know he was
gonna drop the L-bomb.
他可以先给我个提示的比如 “嘿我要准备说一些奇怪的话了”
He could've given me a warning, like,
"Hey, I'm about to say something weird."
好吧你起码比Ryan处理得要好
Well, you handled it better than Ryan.
我第一次跟他说我爱他的时候他逃出国了
First time I told him I loved
him, he left the country.
我真是措手不及
It just caught me off guard.
我还以为他会说“我爱奶酪”
I thought he was gonna say, "I love cheese"
或者是爱鸟要不就爱柴迪科舞
or birds or Zydeco.
那你为什么不告诉他你也爱他呢？
Well, why didn't you tell
him you love him back?
你爱他吗？
Do you love him?
我不知道我真的很喜欢他
I don't know. I really like him.
你说你自己怎么可能会知道你什么时候算是爱上了呢？
I mean, how do you even
know when you're in love?
哦我的天你走运了
Oh, my God, you are in luck,
因为呃我能告诉你爱上了确切是什么感觉
because, uh, I can tell you
exactly what love feels like.
呃
Um... (Clears throat)
没有言语可形容
...there are no words.
爱是……无可名状的
Love is... indescribable.
有帮助 Kris？
Helpful. Kris?
嗯呃人们都是谈论那些疯狂有激♥情♥的东西
Yeah, well, people talk about
all that crazy passion stuff,
但是对我而言爱是工作你懂吗？
but for me, love is work, you know?
两个人一起工作得很辛苦……
Two people doing really hard work...
……有的时候一个人比另一个工作得更辛苦一点儿
...and sometimes one person working
a little bit harder than the other,