最后一人（2011）

Last Man Standing S06E12

Part 3 March 19, 2021, 1:02 p.m.

Doesn't stick around and
say, "It's not my fault!"
我真的应该出♥售♥家庭防护套件
I really should be selling
family-preparedness kits.
套件里要配上阿斯匹林耳塞和许多烈酒
They'd come with aspirin, ear
plugs, and plenty of brown liquor.
因为不像加利福尼亚如果你的家人被困在海上了
Because unlike California,
if your family falls off
会出现小人的“不公平你应该先进去！”
in the ocean, somebody's gonna bitch,
"Not fair, you got to go in first!"
好的现在我们独木舟储备很足
Okay, now, we're very good on canoes.
好的但是桨的库存太少了
All right, but very low on paddles.
我们得再多订购一些
We'll need to order more.
要不然一些可怜的灵魂会逆流而上／飘在小溪上的
Or some poor souls will be up a creek.
是个笑话 Kyle 这是个笑话
That's a joke, Kyle. That's a joke.
没事啦就是个笑话
Come on. That's a joke.
是个仓储盘点的笑话
It's an inventory joke.
而且不是很容易就能理解到
And they're not easy to come by.
我来告诉你
Let me tell you.
很好笑先生
Good one, sir.
呃我现在能走了吗？
Um, can I go now?
走？别……我们才刚开始呢
Go? Don't... we just got started.
你说走什么意思？也许……哦
What do you mean go? Maybe... oh.
也许你应该找别的人来帮你
Maybe you should get
somebody else to help you.
你知道我不擅长数字工作
You know, I-I'm not good with numbers.
也不擅长字母工作还有我的工作
Or letters or my job.
也许你应该直接开除我
You should probably just fire me.
Kyle 行了
Kyle, stop that.
太荒谬了
This is ridiculous.
是时候聊聊房♥间里的大象了
（显而易见的东西／蜡笔小新经常唱的东西）
It's time to talk about
the elephant in the room.
对吧
Right.
您能选个别的动物吗？
Can you please pick a different animal?
哦好吧
Oh, all right.
所以你是看到我裸体了那又如何呢？
So you saw me naked, so what?
美国人对人体真的是保守过头了
Americans are far too
uptight about the human body.
我有更欧式的视角
I have a more European view.
我之前有个更正面全面的视角
I had a more full-frontal view.
行了
Stop.
您听我说我很抱歉先生
Look, I-I'm sorry, sir,
只是你知道裸体让我很不舒服
it's just that, you know,
nudity makes me uncomfortable.
所以我很讨厌艺术
That's why I hate art.
好吧听我说我们马上打住
All right, look, look. Let's
...let's stop this right now.
我有个主意好吧
I have an idea. All right?
去我的俱乐部
Let's go to my club.
我们做个蒸汽浴
We'll take a steam.
好吧？
All right?
一旦我们都裸了
Once we're both naked and surrounded
还被其他裸男包围了你就能看到裸体多么正常了
by other naked men, you'll
see how normal it is.
等等不我们能不能直接去博物馆
Wait, no, couldn't we just go to a museum,
你懂的看看那些污秽的希腊雕塑？
you know, and look at
their filthy Greek statues?
不
No.
就我和你
Just you and me.
和一群朋友一起出汗
Sweating with a bunch of new friends.
嗯好吧？
Hm, all right?
还要带上人字拖
And bring flip-flops.
我不相信那儿的地板
I don't trust the floor.
等姑娘们过来了让我来说
When the girls come over,
let me do the talking.
好这个要求有哪次不在计划里吗？
Yeah, has that ever not been the plan?
也许……也许我们应该等姑娘们
Maybe... maybe we
should wait for the girls
- 冷静一点了…… - 不不不不
- to cool down a little... - No, no, no, no.
……再开家庭会议
...before we have a family meeting.
是呢她们现在被隔离了
Yeah. They're isolated right now.
我们可以钻进她们脑子里
We can get into their heads.
邪教头目就是这么做的
This is how cult leaders work.
亲爱的她们现在非常憎恶彼此
Honey, they resent each
other so much right now,
他们还觉得都是我们的错
and they think it's all our fault.
是我们的错啊
It is our fault.
我们让她们以为父母的活儿太简单了点儿
We make parenting look a little too easy.
是时候让她们看到她们让我们经历过的那种痛苦了
I think it's time we show them what
kind of pain they put us through.
- 哦 - 对吧？
- Oh.
- Right?
啊折磨自己孩子的想法不应该让我觉得这么爽的
Ugh, the thought of torturing my
kids shouldn't make me feel better.
- 但是？ - 确实爽
- But? - It does.
哈？
Huh?
- 嘿来啦 - 嘿
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
嘿
Hey.
希望饭菜好吃因为刚开车的那人很爱专横
Hope the food is good 'cause
the ride over was bossy.
还很爱抱怨
And whiny.
好吧爱专横爱抱怨省点你们的脾气给你们姐妹爱哭闹吧
Well, Bossy, Whiny, save some
of that for you sister, Bratty.
跟我过来
Come with me.
好的姑娘们坐
Okay, girls. Sit.
我不想坐中间
I don't want to sit in the middle.
我不要坐她旁边
Well, I'm not sitting next to her.
你不总能得到你想要的
You don't always get what you want.
哦等等你能的
Oh, wait, you do.
好啦够啦够啦去坐下
All right, enough. Enough. Go sit down.
现在我觉得你们还不懂做父母有多难
Now, I-I don't think you understand
how hard it is to be a parent.
呃不好意思
Um, hello?
我已经做父母了
I am a parent.
Boyd而已你有一只羊不代表你就是牧民啊
To Boyd. You have one goat,
doesn't make you a farmer.
我和你们爸爸一直爱你们一样多但是有些时候有些事情
Your father and I love you all the same,
but sometimes circumstances dictate
显得好像我们对待你们有差别
that we treat you differently.
有史以来每一个糟糕的父母都这么说
Said every horrible parent ever.
我们就知道讲理很可能讲不通所以我们做了B计划
We knew the logic probably wasn't
gonna work, so we have a plan B.
好吧
All right.
Mandy 你觉得我们给她买♥♥录音设备不公平
Mandy, you think it's unfair that
we're buying her recording equipment.
就是不公平
It's unfair.
而你觉得Mandy不付房♥租不公平
And you think it's unfair
that Mandy doesn't pay rent.
她的卧室和地下室都不付房♥租
For her bedroom or the basement.
好的现在现在你在Outdoor Man职位已经很高了
All right, now, you've
worked for ever raise
不过我打算给你一份红利
at Outdoor Man, but I was
considering giving you a bonus.
- 哦 - 一份红利？
- Oh.
- A bonus?
好吧我觉得挺公平的吧
Well, I guess that's fair.
毕竟她得在派对上配齐菜单数与人数呢
She has to match the number of menus
to the number of people in the party.
当你的孩子不止一个的时候你没办法让每个人都开心
When you have more than one kid,
you can't make everybody happy.
总有人会觉得被背叛了
Somebody is always gonna feel cheated.
所以我们想出了一个方案你们来选
So we've worked this out
so that you guys get to pick
谁拿那根短签
who gets the short straw.
不我不喜欢这种说法
No, I don't like the sound of this.
你不该喜欢
You shouldn't.
所以我们准备这么做
So here's what we're gonna do.
Mandy 要么你付房♥租要么你拿不到红利
Mandy, either you pay rent,
you don't get your bonus,
要么你没有录音设备
or you don't get your recording equipment.
你们来选
You guys choose.
这样根本就不公平
That's totally unfair.
有史以来每一个孩子都这么说
Said every child ever.
好吧然后我们要做什么？
Okay, so what are we gonna do?
我们该抓紧时间忽悠Mandy呢
Are we gonna take the time to trick Mandy
还是直接把她当碎布做的娃娃一样把她摇散架？
or just start shaking her like a rag doll?