最后一人（2011）

Last Man Standing S06E13

Part 3 March 19, 2021, 1:03 p.m.

that I found while hiking
in a rainforest in Brazil.
不是巴西是洪都拉斯
It was Honduras.
我觉得我知道是哪个热带雨林
I think I know my rainforests.
真的吗？它们可在两个不同半球啊
Do you? 'Cause they're
in different hemispheres.
它们里面甚至没有相同种的猴子
They don't even have the same
species of monkey in them.
不过至少它们都有猴子啊
Well, at least they both have monkeys.
我们国家却吹牛说自己有
Our country blows.
我记得清清楚楚那是个满月夜
I remember it perfectly.
It was a full moon.
是大中午
Midday.
是雨季的高峰期
It was the height of the rainy season.
明明是极其干旱！
Bone dry!
谁在讲故事？
Who's telling the story?
你在讲某个故事但不是真实的故事
Well, you're telling some
story, but not the real story.
听我说我在洪都拉斯正午极旱天找到的那个矛尖
Look, I found that spearhead
in Honduras, midday, bone-dry.
你和某个叫Maria的女人一直在小酒馆楼上
You were up in the cantina
with some woman named Maria.
不可能
That can't be right.
那就是……
That's exactly what...
哦天呐法官来了
Oh, boy. Here comes the judge.
哦我错过了什么？
Oh. What'd I miss?
哦 Ed在一个小酒馆从一个猴子手里抓来了一个矛尖
Oh, Ed grabbed a spearhead
from a monkey in a cantina.
所以后来Travis告诉我了这个博尔德的大学派对
（参看S06E11 科罗拉多大学博尔德分校狂野派对盛行）
So, then Travis told me about this
college party over in Boulder.
真的吗？
Really?
对啊然后我就说“不我必须回家我有宵禁”
Yeah, and then I was like, "No, I
got to get home for my curfew."
然后我就回家了
And then I did.
不过我记得的好像是另外一个故事
Yet I recall a different story...
你给了我10块钱把你的枕头撑在被子下面
You giving me 10 bucks to
stuff pillows in your bed
这样妈妈就会以为你回家了
so Mom thought you were home.
啊啊回忆啊！
Aah. Ahh, memories!
有趣的模糊的冲突的回忆
Funny, fuzzy, conflicting memories.
哦别遮掩啦我知道的
Oh, come on. I knew about that.
我只是……我相信你们会做出正确选择的
I just... I trusted you
to make good decisions.
为什么？
Why?
我……你一辈子只有一次青春期啊
I... You're only
a teenager once.
你什么时候变得这么大度了？
When did you get so cool?
对啊你为什么藏得这么好？
Yeah, why are you so good at hiding it?
我一直都很大度啊
I have always been cool.
听我说有一次在John Tesh的音乐会上
Listen, one time at a John Tesh concert...
他让一个女孩上台让她一起唱
he brought one girl up on stage to sing to,
是我最好的朋友Karen
and it was my best friend Karen.
哇哦
Wow.
敬妈妈
To Mom.
哦知道吗？
Oh, you know what?
我还挺喜欢我们现在这个状态/舞台呢
I am... I am just loving
this new stage we're at,
你们懂的在这里我不仅是你们妈妈还是你们朋友
you know, where I'm not just your
mom, but I'm also your friend.
所以一般这时候要做什么了？
So, what... what
usually happens now?
我们小时候一般到这时候你就上楼了
Well, when we were kids, by
this time, you'd be upstairs,
大喊“小点声姑娘们！” - 对
yelling, "Keep it down, girls!" - Yeah.
然后当你在那上面睡着了派对会在下面这儿天翻地覆
And then when you went to sleep up
there, the party got turnt down here.
哦好啊
Oh, yeah.
那时候真的很有趣
It was so much fun.
我们会给邻居打恶作剧电♥话♥ 看R级电影
We'd prank-call the neighbors,
watch R-rated movies.
记得偷溜出门去便利店买♥♥垃圾食品吗？ - 哦当然
Remember sneaking out to 7-Eleven
to buy junk food? - Oh, yeah.
不过现在这样也很有趣
But this is also fun.
我们也一起来做啊
We could do that.
我们……我们一起溜出去买♥♥多乐脆吧
Let's... Let's sneak out now and
get our Cool Ranch Doritos on.
呃但是你在这里而且你同意我们做了
Yeah, but, like, you're
here and you're okay with it,
现在这事就只能算是一次跑腿了
so now it would just be an errand.
那么呃你们想看R级电影吗？
Well, uh, you want to... you
want to watch an R-rated movie?
呃我们好几年前就已经满17岁了
Uh, been over 17 for a lot of years now.
好吧呃……哦 X级怎么样？
（NC17一般还有点艺术性，软色情或暴♥力♥
X现在基本全是hard porn硬性色情片）
Well, um... Ooh, how bout X-rated?
什么？！妈妈！
What?! Mom!
所以摄像头出了问题他们拿不出来了！
So, something happens with the
camera, and they can't get it out!
我兄弟就在那儿躺了一个小时说不定有俩小时
My buddy's lying there
for an hour, maybe two.
然后医生带着这么大的钳子回来了
Then the doctor comes
in with these big tongs!
怎……怎么……我们怎么会聊到这个的？
Why... Why... Why are we
talking about this for?
你是要跟Chuck说不用担心来着
You were telling Chuck he
has nothing to worry about.
哦对对
Oh! Right, right.
所以时至今日他也只有调沙拉的时候才会用两个大调羹
In fact, to this day, he only
serves salad with two big spoons.
哦天圣诞老人来了
Oh, boy. Here comes Santa Claus.
嘿嘿谁喝了我的冲剂
Hey. Hey, w-who's been drinking my prep?
哦我不知道
Oh, I don't know.
哦不我知道
Oh, yes, I do.
好吧现在我没有足够的剂量来完成……
Great. Now I won't have enough
of this stuff to get the job...
不好意思
Excuse me.
这些人会气疯的我把门给锁了
These guys are gonna be
so mad. I locked the door.
如果你不介意我想安安静静♥坐♥着直到他们回来
If you don't mind, I'd like to sit
in silence until they return.
Ed 我不是想要扫你的兴跟你对着干好吗？
Ed, I didn't mean to bust your chops, okay?
好吧行了我出去
Okay, that's it. I'm out of here.
你会出意外的不是你撞了别克车那种好的意外
You're gonna have an accident, not the
good kind where you run into a Buick.
我不会有事的因为这不是备检冲剂
I'll be fine because this is not prep.
是冰红茶
It's iced tea.
为什么？
Why?
我不做结肠镜检查
I'm not having a colonoscopy.
有什么意义呢？
What's the point?
我时日无多了
My days are numbered.
你时日无多了什么意思？
What do you mean your days are numbered?
年龄 Michael
Age, Michael.
每天的每一分钟我身体里就又有一个细胞放弃了
Every minute of every day, another
cell in my body gives up,
我就少了一点儿
and I am diminished.
你叫我Michael？哦天
"Michael"? Oh, boy.
（老爹的Mike应该不是Michael的昵称，很可能就是大名）
我要有个大艺名吗这就现成了
I'm gonna get the full diva. Here it comes.
我还能有多少年呢？
How many years can I possibly have?
哈？所以我不做结肠镜检查了
Huh? That's why I didn't
have the colonoscopy.
我是说喝备检冲剂把肠子都拉出来
I mean, drinking the prep,
crapping your guts out,
然后被镜头拍给人看那是年轻人的项目
and getting scoped...
that's a young man's game.
没人会因为太老而不能做结肠镜检查的
Nobody's too old for a colonoscopy.
我忘了很多东西 Mike 我很害怕
I'm forgetting things,
Mike, and it scares me.
人人都会忘东西的
Everybody forgets things!
我回家的路上捡了个东西
It's very important
that I pick up something
很重要的事……一点也想不起了
on the way home from
work... haven't a clue.
不是那些是小事情小东西
No. Those are little things.
我在热带雨林里我最好的朋友在那儿找到了一个古老的物件
I'm in the rainforest, where my best
friend finds an ancient artifact.
是说的这种一个人应该记住的事
I mean, that's the kind of
thing a man should remember.
你应该记住小酒馆里的Maria
You should've remembered
Maria in the cantina.
那才是你应该记住的人事物
That's what you should've remembered.
我有一事相求 Michael
I have a favor to ask, Michael.
你又说Michael了肯定是个大请求吧
Going with "Michael" again.