最后一人（2011）

Last Man Standing S06E03

Part 4 March 19, 2021, 1:01 p.m.

When a woman has a problem, that's
when you know a marriage is over.
我应该不会因为这个跟我老婆离婚
I don't think I'm gonna
divorce my wife over this.
我需要找个方法让她知道我真的很讨厌这样
I just need to find a way to
tell her that I really hate it.
那你还跟我们坐一起干嘛？
Then what are you sitting here with us for?
你抽了25年的[长红]？
You smoked Pall Malls for 25 years?
你♥爸♥爸拿耙子打了你？
Your dad hit you with a rake?
还真就变成难过一刻了
This really is sad hour.
(Clicking)
第二个数字是31
Second number is 31.
好兴奋啊
This is so exciting.
是吧？
Isn't it?
让我确认一下
Let me check.
是啊超级兴奋
Yep, very exciting.
哦我真是等不及看里面有什么了
Oh, I can't wait to see what's inside.
我们要怎么“分赃”啊？
How are we gonna divvy this up?
哦我看看……房♥主得到里面的东西
Ooh, uh, let's see... the
people that own the house get it,
不是房♥主不得东西
and the people that don't... don't.
嗯但是要是是你不想要的东西呢？
Hmm, well, what if it's
something you don't really want,
比如老手♥枪♥？或者一份工作？
like old pistols or a job. (Chuckles)
14 搞定了
14. We're in.
哦你知道到底什么兴奋吗？
Oh, you know what's exciting?
此时此刻的这种感觉一切都有可能出现
This feeling right here, right now
that anything could be in there.
就好像圣诞节的早上
It's like Christmas morning.
是啊除了我妈妈在没在马槽里昏倒以外
Yeah, except my mom's not
passed out in the manger.
我们真的确定想要打开它吗？
Are we sure that we want to open it?
我不知道
I don't know.
呃你们呆这下面吸石棉都吸了多久了？
Ugh, how long have you two been
down here sucking up asbestos?
快点打开
Just open the safe.
好吧 Kyle 打开它吧
All right, Kyle, open it.
哦不等等别打开
Oh, no, wait, don't open it.
听你的还是打开吧
You're right, open it.
哦等等
Ooh, wait, mm.
好吧动手吧
Okay, just do it.
空的
It's empty.
哦真是不舒服
Well, this sucks.
现在就像圣诞节了
Now it's like Christmas.
我想我应该更希望不知道它是空的吧
I guess we just like not knowing better.
等等这里是什么？
Wait. What's that up here?
一把钥匙
It's a key.
- 什么的钥匙？
- 不知道
- Key to what?
- I don't know.
但是肯定里面有些很精彩的东西吧
But there's got to be
something amazing in it.
是啊
Yeah.
就好像它太宝贵了宝贵到他们必须把钥匙都放保险箱里
Like, it's so valuable that they
had to put the key in a safe.
就好像如果是一本书就肯定是一本超级罕有的书
Like, if it's a book,
it's a really rare book.
而如果是钱就是很多很多的钱
And if it's money, it's a lot of money.
我们会继续试每一把锁的对吧？
We're still gonna try this
on every lock to see, right?
哦是的绝对的
Oh, yeah. Totally.
嘿滑头
Hey, slick.
我看到钥匙是从你手里拿出来的了
I saw you palming that key
when you reached into the safe.
你想做什么？
What are you up to?
他们想像着里头有什么一直都很开心
They were having so much fun just
imagining what was in there,
现在他们又能开心起来了
and now they have that again.
你真是很贴心呢
Well, that's pretty sweet of you.
钥匙哪来的？
Where'd you get the key?
哦我拿了一阵子了
Oh, I've had it for a while.
是Mr. Alzate的保管箱的钥匙
It's to Mr. Alzate's safe.
- Hey.
- Hey.
那是我们婚礼的照片吗？
Is that our wedding album?
是啊我们马上要为我们做的协定而流眼泪
Yeah, we're gonna have to
tear up that pact we made
然后真的要开始吐苦水了
and do that venting we don't do.
哦是吗？
Oh, really?
你能安安静静♥坐♥这儿
Really, are you capable of sitting quietly
听我倾诉感受？
and listening while I share my feelings?
不能
No.
你得安静地坐着听我来倾诉感受
You're gonna sit quietly
while I share my feelings.
那不是会要了你的命吗？
But won't that make you die?
(Clears throat)
“Vanessa 今天是我生命中最重要的日子”
Uh, "Vanessa, today is the
happiest day of my life."
等等等等
Wait, wait, wait.
你干嘛要读结婚誓言啊？
Why are you reading your wedding vows?
闭嘴
Zip it.
我在倾诉呢
I'm sharing.
“今日我请求你做我的妻子生死与共
"Today, I ask you to be my wife, my equal,
把我一直以为丢失了的一部分自我带入了我生命中
to bring to my life the part
of me I never knew was missing,
有了这一部分才使得我完整”
the part that will make me whole."
演讲得真好
That was such a wonderful speech...
亲爱的
Honey.
就坐那儿只是听很难吧？
It's not easy just to sit
there and listen, is it?
“我会共同分担你的笑你的泪你的梦和你的惧”
"I will share you laughter and your
tears, your dreams, and your fears."
哦我以前都不知道原来这么押韵
I had no idea that rhymed until just now.
还是很美的
Still so beautiful.
别说话忍♥一会儿
Pipe down just for a minute.
“我承诺我会每一天都爱你
"And I promise that I will
love you every day of your life,
我会保护你免受一切伤害”
and I will protect you from
anything that tries to harm you."
我真的不喜欢你抽烟因为那让我觉得很无助
I hate that you smoke because
it makes me feel helpless,
我就不能兑现我的誓言了
and then I can't do what I vowed to do.
好吧我已经安静地坐了挺久了
All right, well, I have
sat quietly long enough.
所以你准备怎么做？
So, what are you gonna do?
你做了倾诉的那个那我就来做解决问题的那个了
You got to talk. Now I get to fix this.
知道吗你应该多倾诉倾诉你的感受的
You know, you should share
your feelings more often.
你可擅长做这个了
You are pretty good at it.
只和你之间可以别跟其他人讲
Only with you. Don't tell other people.
那样就会要我命了
That would make me die.
这里是Outdoor Man的Mike Baxter
Hey, Mike Baxter for Outdoor Man.
来看看我的大个子兄弟
Hey, check out my big buddy here.
西部黑犀牛
The western black rhino.
3000磅体重一言不合就使蛮力
3,000 pounds of cranky, pissed-off muscle.
嘿要是上帝也戳跟东西穿你脸上你也会有脾气的
Hey, you'd be grumpy, too, if God put a
spear coming straight out of your face.
就跟Barbra Streisand似的
（应该是指她的鼻子）
Just ask Barbra Streisand.
5000万年来这丑家伙都没紧张过什么
For 50 million years, nothing
fazed this ugly bastard.
洪水？我才不需要不发臭的水
Drought? I don't need no stinkin' water.
冰川时代？
Ice age?
嘿长毛象娘娘腔才穿皮草大衣好吗
Hey, wooly mammoth, fur
coats are for sissies.
那么为什么黑犀牛灭绝了呢？
So why is the black rhino extinct?
因为他们掉进了全世界最危险的捕猎者
——饥渴的人类们的陷阱里
Because they fell prey to the most
dangerous predator of all... horny humans.
是啊一位为 “远东”的商人决定
Yeah, a, uh, "far eastern"
business man decided
打碎犀牛角可以在那根小铅笔上多加一层领导权
crushed rhino horn could put
some lead in that tiny pencil.
知道吧那小铅笔就跟你给高尔夫计分时用的那种一样的
You know, like the ones
you use on a golf scorecard.
就是那样
That was that.
它的角成了一个问题
His horn became a problem.
犀牛们摆脱不了这个问题
The rhino couldn't get rid of it.
他没有进化
He didn't evolve.
所以拜拜
So, buh-bye.
就跟婚姻很像真的