喜当爷（2015）
Grandfathered
第一季
剧集 | 喜当爷（2015） | 导航列表
喜当爷（2015）
Grandfathered S01E01
Part 2
Sept. 7, 2020, 11:34 a.m.
你怎么能这么对我呢?
How could you do this to me?
你见过那时候的你吗?
Have you met you?
我们约会了那么久
The entire time we dated,
你都不肯称呼我为你的女朋友
you refused to call me your girlfriend.
甚至在你家放个我的牙刷都不行
You wouldn't even let me keep a toothbrush at your place.
你还把牙龈炎传染给我了
You gave me gingivitis.
我才没有
I did not.
你在恋爱里表现的简直不要太差
You were proud of
还在那儿沾沾自喜
how bad you were at relationships,
我看你唯一在乎的就是你的事业
and the only thing that you ever cared about was your career
和性生活 说到这个 你是他的新女友吗?!
and your sex life. Speaking of which, girlfriend?!
- 员工而已 我是拉拉 - 嗯 机智如你
- Employee. Lesbian. - Mmm. Smart.
- 工作需要 - 我很欣赏你哟
- Job requirement. - I like you.
- 那我们做朋友呀 - 滚回车里去吧你
- Let's be friends. - Get back in the car.
吉米 我希望一切顺利 真的
Jimmy, I hope this goes well. I do.
而且我也不想当那种骂骂咧咧 溺爱过度的老妈
And I hate being the scolding, protective
所以呢 我希望这些话我只用跟你说一次
mother stereotype, so I hope I only have to say this
如果你敢伤害我儿子 或者他闺女
to you once: If you hurt my son or his daughter,
我就用你自己那黏糊糊的爪子
I will choke you to death
把你憋死
with your own overly moisturized hands.
好吧
Okay.
我得走了
Gotta run.
杰拉德在后边的小宾馆里等我呢
Gerald is in the guesthouse in the back.
对了 你看起来过得不错啊
You look great, by the way.
总跟魔鬼打交道看来真的管用
Deal with the Devil really paid off.
我现在站她那边儿 她太赞了
Yeah, I'm on her side. She's awesome.
她以为我会讨厌这一切 那就等着瞧吧
She thinks I'll suck at this. I'll show her.
把这些健康的东西吃掉 伊蒂
Get those healthy fats, Edie.
别玩那个了
Get that out.
吃掉它 来吧
Get it. Come on.
对!
Oh, yeah!
很棒 太棒了!
That's good, that's good!
小心我的裤子哟 别用...别...
Here, watch the pants, with the... Not...
你的小手太脏了
The hands are very dirty.
好吧 来这边儿玩
Okay. There you go.
- 你刚刚是在说法语吗? - 是西非的法语
- Is that French? - It's West African French.
这是世界上发展最快的语言了
It's the fastest growing language in the world.
- 简直就是熊孩子的普通话 - 是啊
- Mandarin's for suckers. - Yeah.
不是吗 伊蒂?
N'est-ce pas, Edie?
去玩吧
Go play. Go play.
听着 杰拉德 我得问问你:
Listen, Gerald, I got to ask you:
你为啥要来找我?为啥是现在?
Why did you come find me? Why now?
我只是觉得时候到了
I just felt like it was time.
讲真 没有老爹对以前的我来说真没什么大不了的...
Honestly, being fatherless was never a big deal for me, and...
知道有一天 我在BuzzFeed上看到了一篇文章
then the other day, I came across a BuzzFeed listicle
"28个有父亲的好处"
called "28 Reasons Why Having a Dad Is the Best,"
读到第12条的时候 我就已经哭的快脱水了
and, by number 12, I was crying so hard I was dehydrated.
好吧 听着 孩子 我是个50岁的单身汉
Yeah. Listen, kid, I'm a 50-year-old bachelor.
- 我们就是那种最没用的人 - 恩
- We're society's most worthless people. - Mmm.
听着 我都没准备好做爸爸
Look, I don't know if I'm cut out to be a father,
更别说...
much less a...
是爷爷...
a grandf... A grand...
- 我能直说吗? - 老兄 你已经说的不能更直白了
Can I be honest? Dude, you've been aggressively honest.
妈妈!
Mama!
嗨 伊蒂 宝贝儿
Hi, Edie. Hey, baby.
妈咪今天见了很多小宝宝
Yes. Mommy saw so many babies today,
他们都没你漂亮也没你聪明
and they were all uglier and stupider than you. Mwah.
- 怎样 小杰? - 在呢
- What up, G? - Yo.
- 她...? - 两次呢
- Did she...? - Twice.
- 真的啊!我就知道! - 拉了臭臭呢
- Really! I know! - Big ones.
- 告诉我你拍下来了 - 黑客帝国范儿的呢
- Please tell me you filmed it. - Matrix style.
哦 摇滚巨星啊 太棒了
Oh, rock star. Awesome.
哦 我把她的小橡皮鸭弄丢了
Oh, I totally lost her little rubber ducky.
哦 我给她做了一个
Oh, uh, I made one.
你太棒了
You are good.
你知道吗 有一天你一定会
You know, one of these days, you're gonna be
因为设计3D打印而发家变成亿万富翁
the billionaire 3-D printing designer guy,
然后我就可以吹 "那可是我朋友"
and I'm gonna be like, "That's my friend."
好啦 我得走了
All right, I got to go.
后边站着的这个棕褐色皮肤的小哥
There's a really tan guy in the back of the house.
他真的很性感 不过太老了 拜拜
He's hot, but he's old. Bye.
- 好吧 我 呃 会给你发信息的 - 我们走吧 宝贝儿
- Okay. I'll, uh, text you. - Let's go, baby.
然后...
And-and then...
好吧 这就是我想来见你的原因之一
Okay, there-there's one reason I wanted to meet you.
呃 她是瓦娜萨
Uh, that was Vanessa.
如果她能不再把我当成
I would love it if she stopped thinking of me
一个不小心在她子♥宫♥里
as a friend who happened to cause a human being
- 造了人的朋友...- 太讨厌了
- to pop out of her uterus... - Yucky.
而是把我当成一个她真正可以约会的对象就好了
and start seeing me as someone she could actually date.
我妈跟我说了你所有的事儿
My mom told me your whole deal, and,
我也不知道 或许你能给我指点一二?
I don't know, I thought you could give me some pointers?
哦 那你为啥不说呢?我可以帮你的啊
Oh. Why didn't you say so? I could help you with that.
- 真的吗? - 来老爸这儿吧
- Yeah? - Come to Daddy.
我...我...我真的要过去了哈
I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna go for it.
- 来吧 - 好的
- Come on. - Okay.
嘿 你觉得我也没有太黑吧?
Hey, you don't think I'm too tan, do you?
- 没有 你很完美 - 噢
- No, you're perfect. - Oh.
我和瓦妮莎在一个手♥机♥店里工作
Vanessa and I worked in the same cell phone store.
我被她的勇敢所吸引 就是那种
I was attracted to her fearless way, just sort of
能过影响你的生活的态度
bulldozing through life,
她一开始喜欢我朋友伊森
and she was attracted to my friend Ethan.
嗯哼 但是 有一天晚上 她手♥机♥被偷了
Uh-huh. But, one night, she got her cell phone stolen
我帮她定位跟踪她手♥机♥ 最后帮她把手♥机♥找到了
and I helped her trace it. Finally got it back
已经凌晨零点 还是在蒂梅丘拉 我们...那啥了
00 a.M. In Temecula, and then we... slept together.
两次
Twice.
其实只有一次啦
Just once.
嗯
Huh.
我想试着来理解一下为什么
I'm gonna make an observation that might explain
瓦妮莎一开始不喜欢你
why Vanessa isn't attracted to you.
好
Okay.
很明显你只有一种风格的衣服
It appears that you only have one set of clothing.
我-我每天穿这种绿色帽衫是考虑到
I-I wear a green hoodie every day because thinking
老是选衣服容易造成选择疲劳 是吧
about clothes creates decision fatigue. Ah.
这就是为什么马克·扎克伯格永远都只穿T恤
That's why Mark Zuckerberg only wears gray T-shirts.
这样可以省下你更多的精力去工作
Saves you mental energy to focus on work.
你是做什么的?我现在是自♥由♥职业者
What do you do for work? I'm currently unemployed.
我正在试图改变现状 我在发布视频
I crush it at this. I posted a video,
还在YouTube上 发布最高等级的
and it's the highest-rated instructional diapering video
尿布教学视频
on YouTube.
我很抱歉刚刚那样说你
I'm so sorry.
喔 等一下 你在吹牛吗?
Oh, wait, you were bragging?
女人是复杂的 你知道吧?
Women are complicated, you know?
她们 她们希望男生了解她们...
They-they want men to come in and...
然后知道什么事复杂的再解开它
and-and take what's complicated and uncomplicate it.
正确 不 这是-这是个好建议 谢谢
Right. No, that's-that's good advice. Thank you.
而且 你知道 G点...
Also, you know, the G-spot...
别再往下说了 嗯
No. Mm-mm.
好吧 它在哪?
Okay, where is it?
你知道 我只有一次恋爱
You know, I was in love once.
只有一次
Just one time.
事实上我都想直接娶她的
I actually thought I'd marry her.
我们甚至为彼此取了那种小动物的蠢蠢的昵称
We had these dumb little pet names for each other.
她叫寿司 我叫小马哥
She was Sushi, and I was Ponyboy.
我喜欢吃寿司
I love sushi.
然后有一天 她走了
Then one day, uh, she just left.
她的离开毁了我
Sushi kind of wrecked me.
听起来很难过 爸爸
Sounds pretty rough, Dad.
-我还没承认是你"爸"-哦
-Not ready for "Dad."-Oh.
孩子 看看我为你做的
Boy, look at the job I did on you.
这里没有普通尿布可以换了
That was no ordinary diaper change.
喜当爷（2015）
Grandfathered
剧集 | 喜当爷（2015） | 导航列表