绝望的主妇

Desperate Housewives S07E18

Part 2 Oct. 23, 2019, 8:11 p.m.

苏珊一切指标都正常
Everything looks great, Susan--
你的血液循环肌酸水平
Your blood work, creatine levels.
很明显你已经准备好做肾移植手术了
You're, like, the poster girl for kidney transplants.
那是说我能吃咸食也能过性生活了吗
Does that mean I can have salty food and sex again?
盐要适度你应该再坚持两周
Salt in moderation. You should wait two more weeks
才恢复正常的性生活
before resuming normal sexual activity.
我和麦克已经等了一个月了
Mike and I have already waited a month.
等是再正常不过的了
There's not going to be anything normal about it.
好吧下次检查见
Okay, well, I'll see you at your next checkup.
你一会儿要去哪
Where are you off to?
我一定要去趟购物中心
Well, I am definitely going to the mall
好好享受身为残疾人的最后几个小时
to enjoy the last few hours of my handicap placard.
这之前我要去透析中心
First I'm going to the dialysis center
看看我的朋友迪克·巴罗斯
to visit my friend Dick Barrows.
你不用去透析中心了
Oh, you don't have to go to the dialysis center.
他现在医院昨天办的住院手续
He's here in the hospital. He was admitted yesterday.
高个阴暗偏执男
Hey, tall, dark, and jaundiced.
德尔非诺你来啦
Delfino.
过来点
Come closer.
我闻闻你身上有没有新肾的气息
I wanna see if you still have that new kidney smell.
你怎么来住院了
What are you doing here?
别的地方哪能享受到牙买♥♥加护士
Where else can you get a large Jamaican nurse
提供的4千元一天的海绵浴
to give you a sponge bath for 4 grand a day?
又病毒性感染了
Another viral infection.
真替你难过
I'm sorry.
真没想到你这么快就找到匹配的肾了
I can't believe you got a kidney so fast.
我不敢奢望你们那里又有哪个
I don't suppose you have any more suicidal neighbors
邻居带着捐赠卡来自杀
with donor cards?
我当时看见你写的康复卡没笑
I didn't laugh when you wrote it on my get-well note,
现在也笑不出来
and I'm not laughing now.
跟你说你真是活人里头最幸运的了
I'm telling you, you are the luckiest person alive.
可别浪费了这份运气
You should take advantage.
你赌博吗
Do you gamble?
很少
A little.
那好等我出院了
Ah. Oh-ho, great. When I get outta here,
我带你去机场旁边的赌场玩玩
I'm taking you to that casino by the airport.
我在那鬼地方从来没赢过
I've never won in that place.
你可以当我的吉祥物
You could be my rabbit's foot.
我对赌博没有太大兴趣
I'm not big on casinos.
我更多是整日围着厨房♥餐桌转
I'm more of an around-the-kitchen-table,
爱跟女友们扯八卦
gossip-with-my-girlfriends,
赢光所有M&M豆的那型女人
win-all-the-m&m's kind of gal.
我该去做脊椎穿刺了
Ah, it's time for my spinal tap.
看见了吧你不是唯一的幸运星
You see? You're not the only lucky one.
宝贝怎么回来怎么晚
Hey, babe. You're home late.
法务部门打电♥话♥把我叫过去了
I got called down to the Legal Department.
没事吧
Is everything okay?
难以启齿
There's no easy way to say this.
不是吧这是什么
Oh, no. What is this?
是我亲爱的...
That, my dear...
是我的签约金
Is my signing bonus.
有10万块
$100,000.
不可能肯定没10万
No way. It is not $100,000.
"1..."
"One..."
真是真是10万啊
It is. It's $100,000!
太难以置信了
I can't believe it!
我知道我们应该怎么处理这笔钱
I know! What are we gonna do with it?
这个方案怎么样
Um, how about this--
去银行换成10万张1块的
Go to the bank, get 100,000 singles,
脱♥光♥了在他们面前转一圈再向
and roll around naked on them, and then apologize
在场的每个人道歉然后回家
to everybody at the bank and come home!
-裸体那部分创意不错 -我的天啊
- I like the naked part. - Oh, my gosh!
我的天啊
Oh, my gosh!
好好我们计划一下
Okay. Okay, let's think. Um...
显而易见
Obviously,
我们应该存点进孩子们的大学基金
we should put some in the kids' college fund,
再把我们的退休金账户缴足
and then top off our retirement account...
或者真正开个退休金账户
Or actually start a retirement account.
必须的用9万块
Definitely. We should do all of that...
把这些都搞定
with 90 grand.
剩下的1万由你自♥由♥支配
The other 10 is for you to spend
买♥♥点有意思的再买♥♥点杂七杂八的
on something fun and totally frivolous,
像貂皮背心钻石飞盘这类的
like a mink vest or a diamond frisbee.
不不不
No, no, no...
别勒奈特你知道我等有本事
No. Lynette, do you know how long I have waited
跟你说这些的时刻等了多久吗
to be able to say this to you?
使劲花
Go crazy.
都算我头上
It's on me.
那好吧
Fine.
如果你情愿当个凯子
If you're gonna be a jerk about it,
那我就把这1万全花自己身上
I'll spend $10,000 on myself.
我们应该庆祝一下
We should celebrate!
我们出去吃饭吧
Let's go out to dinner.
那肯定不过今晚不行
Oh, definitely. But not tonight.
我还一堆工作要做
I've got a ton of work.
行吗周五再吃怎么样
Okay? How about Friday?
好吧就这么说好了
Okay. It's a date.
等一下
Wait a sec.
"1..."
"One..."
没错是10万美金
Nope. That's $100,000.
我叫牌
And I'll call.
9 10 J Q K-- 顺子
9, 10, jack, queen, king-- a straight.
统统吃进
Eat it!
我刚想说你能回归我们的牌局真好
I was going to say how nice it is to have you back in our game,
结果你这么潇洒的说了句"统统吃进"
until you so charmingly told us to "eat it."
-这是第三回了 -抱歉
- For the third time. - I'm sorry.
我之前手气从没这么好过
I've just never been this hot before.
我朋友今天打电♥话♥过来
My friend called it today.
说我正是手气冲连胜的时候
He said I was on a lucky streak.
你是很幸运都能移植肾了
Well, you are lucky. You got a kidney transplant.
如果你再继续赢我的钱
And if you take any more of my money,
你的漂亮脸蛋也得做移植了
You're gonna need a face transplant.
好吧有谁注意到这里有什么不同吗
Okay, is anyone going to notice what's different around here?
你剪头发了
You cut your hair?
-不是 -那你真该去了
- No. - Well, you should.
我说咖啡呢
I mean the coffee.
汤姆给了我一部分他的签约金
Tom gave me part of his signing bonus
还说"使劲花" 所以...
and said, "Go crazy," so...
我买♥♥了个全自动咖啡机
I bought a grind and brew coffee master.
半点折扣都没有不错吧
Wasn't even on sale. Check me out.
要我说吗
Shall I say it?
不必还是我来吧你真可悲
No, please, allow me. You're pathetic.
你终于有点零用钱了
You finally get a little mad money
却用来买♥♥了个厨房♥小家电
and you buy a kitchen appliance?
可我不缺什么东西啊
But I don't really need anything.
亲爱的好好看看你有什么呀
Oh, honey, look around. You need everything.
2个
Two.
我多不容易啊
Oh, it's hard for me.
汤姆这才工作了一个月
Tom's only had this job a month.
我以前都用优♥惠♥券
I'm used to clipping coupons
还批量购买♥♥
and buying in bulk.
我还染了头发
I even color my own hair.
谜团解开了
Ah. Mystery solved.
你怎么能熟视无睹呢
How did you let this happen?
别那样看我我尽力了
Don't look at me like that. I tried.
我努力了好多年
I tried for years.
可她照样穿着人字拖
I couldn't even get her out of flip-flops.
也许我能略施小计
Oh, maybe I can take a shot at her.
省省吧她会伤了你的心的
Don't do it. She'll break your heart.
反正我也无聊打完牌
Well, I'm bored. Look, after this game,