好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E15
Part 6
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
波塔 你还在这里干嘛
No idea.
我也不知道
By the way, you're out of pot.
对了 你的大♥麻♥没了
Where'd these things come from? Target?
这些东西哪来的 塔吉特百货吗
Too late. I already did that joke.
你太慢了 我已经说过这笑话了
No, somebody left them here.
不是 是有人故意放在这里
You didn't hear anything?
你没听到任何声响吗
I heard colors.
大♥麻♥抽嗨了 你说呢
No, I-I am telling you,
相信我
Charlie is planning on killing us all.
查理打算把我们全部杀掉
Okay. It was good to see you guys.
好了 很高兴见到你们
Wait, Th-that's it? You're leaving?
等等 你这就要走啦
Oh, nothing personal-- I just got to get back to Japan
不是不喜欢你 只是我要回去日本
and tell my wife and kids that we're rich.
跟我老婆孩子说我们有钱啦
You're... you're married?
你 你结婚啦
Yeah. Didn't I mention that?
是啊 我没跟你说吗
No.
没
Wh-Wh-Wh-Whoa. You have kids?
什么 你有小孩啦
Well, they're hers.
是她的小孩啦
She's a dancer.
她是个舞者
Uh, let me guess-- a pole dancer?
让我猜猜 是跳钢管舞的人吗
No, she's Japanese.
不是 是日本人啦
Well, see you.
再会啦
All right, all right, we-we got to close these shades.
我们得赶紧把百叶窗都拉下来
Anybody on the beach will have a clear shot at us.
海滩上的任何人都可以轻松狙击我们
Right.
没错
Do this...
这样
Man, it sucks to be you guys.
哇靠 当你们俩太倒霉了
Hello?
你好
Judith, it's me.
朱蒂丝 是我
Oh, hey, Alan.
艾伦
Isn't it wonderful about Jake?
杰克是不是太好了
Uh, yeah, wonderful. Listen...
是啊 很好 听我说
Did he give you $100,000, too?
他也给了你10万块吗
He gave you $100,000?
他给了你10万块啊
No. What do you want?
没 你打来干嘛
Uh, uh, okay, long story short--
好吧 我长话短说
it turns out my brother is alive and he's out for revenge.
我们发现原来我哥还活着 而且要来报仇
Revenge? For what?
报仇 为什么啊
Well, he didn't think I could go on without him.
他觉得我没他就不行了
He thought I was more of
他觉得我更像是
a supporting character in his life,
他人生中的配角
but it turns out I-I was sort of a co-lead.
但其实我比较算是联合主演
Um, a-anyway, I just wanted you to know
总之 我是想告诉你
that if anything were to happen to me,
如果我发生了任何不测
you were the love of my life.
你永远都是我一生挚爱
Oh, Alan, that is so sweet.
艾伦 你这话真动听
Hang on, honey. I'm getting another call.
稍等一下 亲爱的 有人打进来
She's not coming back.
她不会回来了
Hello?
您好
Bridget, hi.
布里奇特 你好
It's Walden.
我是沃顿
Hey, Walden. What's up?
沃顿 怎么啦
I can't go into detail, but I just...
我没办法跟你说细节 我只是...
I wanted to say that I wish I'd been a better husband.
我想告诉你 我真希望我当年是更好的老公
Well, thank you.
谢谢
And I just want to say that...
我只想跟你说...
I'm having sex with John Stamos.
我在跟约翰·斯塔莫斯做♥爱♥
I'm not lying.
没骗你哦
Go for Stamos.
我是斯塔莫斯
Stamos, you're just a handsome guy
斯塔莫斯 你不过就是个帅哥
who got lucky on a sitcom.
刚好演过一部好情景喜剧罢了
Listen, um, I'm just gonna set the phone down
听我说 我要把电♥话♥放下了
so you can listen to me shish-kebab your old lady, okay?
这样你就可以听我跟你前妻"嘿♥咻♥嘿♥咻♥"了
Bye-bye.
再见
Hold on, fellas.
各位 稍等
Hello.
你好
Uh, Kandi, it's Alan.
坎蒂 我是艾伦
Oh, hi, Alan!
你好啊 艾伦
I just wanted you to know that,
我只想告诉你
even though we were only married for a short time,
虽然我们结婚只有短短的时间
you were the love of my life.
但你是我一生挚爱
Oh, how sweet.
你嘴真甜
And you were the first guy I had tushy sex with.
你也是我第一个肛♥交♥的男人哦
You guys didn't hear that.
你们没听到这句话
Hello.
你好
Zoey.
佐伊
Hi. It's Walden.
我是沃顿
Oh, Walden.
沃顿啊
How are you, darling?
你好吗 亲爱的
Uh, not so good.
不是太好
Uh... that's why I'm calling.
所以我才打给你
I... I just wanted to tell you that...
我只是想告诉你
I've been thinking about you lately, and...
我最近总是想起你
I'm sorry about the way things ended.
很抱歉我们的分手不是太愉快
Oh, well... water under the bridge.
没事 船过水无痕
Listen, I'd love to chat,
听我说 我也很想跟你聊
but I'm in the middle of a coronation.
可是我正在加冕仪式之中
Of a what?
什么
A coronation.
加冕仪式
I married King Rupert of Moldavia,
我嫁给了摩尔达维亚的国王
and I'm being crowned queen, so...
我要被加冕为皇后 所以...
You're the queen of Moldavia?
你要成为摩尔达维亚的皇后了吗
What can I say?
我能说什么
Thank you, JDate.
谢谢你 相亲网站
Shalom.
再见
Darling, you still breathing?
亲爱的 你还有呼吸吗
Hello?
你好
Lyndsey, it's Alan.
林赛 我是艾伦
Hi, Alan.
艾伦
I was just showing off the beautiful engagement ring you gave me.
我刚跟别人显摆你给我的超美订婚戒指呢
Great. Listen, I-I just wanted you to know
很好 我只是想你知道
that if anything were to happen to me,
如果我发生了任何不测
you were the love of my life.
你是我一生挚爱
Oh, baby.
宝贝
You're the love of my life.
你也是我一生挚爱
So, how much?
话说那玩意值多少钱
Okay, I will say it one more time.
我最后再说一次
Resort hotel till the cops find him.
躲度假酒店直到警♥察♥抓到他
We can be in Vegas in two hours.
我们可以在两小时内就到达赌城
Styx is playing Mandalay Bay.
冥河乐队在曼德勒海湾度假村表演呢
No, if I let Charlie drive me out of this house,
如果我让查理把我逼出这个家里
I reward his bad behavior.
我就是鼓励他的坏行为
Yeah. That's only supposed to happen in show business.
这应该是娱乐圈才会发生的事
Which we are not in.
我们不是娱乐圈的人
Not anymore.
不再是了
Oh. Hello?
你好
Valden? Walden.
我顿 沃顿
That's what I said.
我就是这么叫你的啊
Look, I have good news.
听我说 我有个好消息
We found your boy.
我们找到你要的人了
They found Charlie.
他们找到查理了
Are-are they sure?
他们确定吗
Uh, uh, are... are you sure it's him?
你们确定是他吗
Well, he matches the description.
是啊 他符合描述
Bowling shirt, cargo shorts,
保龄球衫 短裤
and he's babbling away incoherently.
嘴里说的话狗屁不通
That sounds like him.
听起来像他
Wh-Where'd you find him?
你在哪里找到他的
In a trashed hotel room
在一个被砸烂的旅馆里
with a hooker in the closet.
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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