好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E15
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
大家早都互相睡过了
Alan! Alan, where are you?
艾伦 艾伦 你在哪儿
Uh, in here!
我在这里
Oh, for God sakes!
放过我吧
That's my mother. Uh, oh, Walden slept with her, too.
这是我母亲 沃顿也和她上过床
Uh... you slept with my mom!
你跟我妈也上过床
No, that was just a handy in a hotel bar.
只是在酒店酒吧打飞机而已
I am a gentleman.
我可是很绅士的
We need to talk.
我们得谈谈
Oh. Who's this?
这是谁
Uh, this is my son's social worker, Ms. McMartin.
这是我儿子的社工 麦克马丁小姐
And you're shtupping her. How lovely.
你跟她搞上了 好温馨啊
Uh, Mom, don't be rude.
老妈 别这么没礼貌
Uh, and I shtupped her first.
是我先上她的
I really should go.
我真的该走了
Yeah. Uh, okay.
好吧
Just remember which step we're on.
别忘了我们进行到哪一步了
Number six:
第六步
"Finding the little man in the canoe."
"找到独木舟里的小人"
I don't remember you having any trouble...
我不记得你会找不到...
Okay, everybody stop!
都给我闭嘴
What are you doing here?
你在这里干啥
I want to know why you sent me this hateful e-mail.
你为什么给我发这么仇恨的电邮
Uh, "Dear Mom:
"亲爱的妈妈
You were always a horrible mother
你这个烂母亲
and a repulsive human being,
人见人恨
and I hope you rot in hell.
真希望你下十八层地狱
But before you do,
但是在那之前
I will have my revenge."
我会报仇的"
Okay, I don't disagree with anything here...
我不否认这话说出我的心声
...but I did not send that.
不过真不是我发的
Really? Who else would call me "A horrible mother"?
真的吗 那还有谁会喊我"烂母亲"
No, no, it's still ridiculous.
不 还是荒唐
What's ridiculous?
什么荒唐
Alan has this crazy idea
艾伦胡思乱想
that Charlie's still alive.
觉得查理还活着
But then who sent her that e-mail?
那不然是谁给她发的电邮
Who sent me this text?
又是谁给我发的短♥信♥
Where did the cigars, booze and chasin' knife come from?
还有那些雪茄 酒 和追杀刀是哪儿来的
Wait, what's a chasin' knife?
什么是追杀刀
Uh, it's a regular knife
就是一把普通的刀
after two bottles of scotch and some blow.
用刀人灌了两瓶烈酒又被吹了萧后用的
Who else would have sent it?
那还会是谁发这条信息呢
I don't know.
不知道
Like, somebody that wants to freak you out.
可能是谁想吓唬你
Think about it: Who has something to gain from this?
你想想 这么做谁会得益呢
Who else has a claim on that money?
谁还有那笔钱的领♥取♥权呢
What money?
什么钱
No money. There's no money.
没钱 没什么钱
Alan, will you just tell her?
艾伦 你干嘛不告诉她
I don't want to.
我不想说
Alan!
艾伦
Turns out, uh, there are some unclaimed royalties,
就是 有一笔没领♥取♥的稿费
uh, from Charlie's recordings.
是查理的
How much?
有多少
Uh, two and a half... thousand dollars.
也就两 千五百美元吧
Alan!
艾伦
Million.
是百万
$2.5 million.
两百五十万美元
Ah, the memorial collage.
难怪说纪念拼贴集
That's why you wanted the death certificate--
所以你才跑来找我要死亡证明
so you could claim the money.
好能领♥取♥那笔钱
You dirty rat bastard.
你这个鸡贼的小混♥蛋♥
What would you have done?
换你你会怎么做
We're wasting time here.
我们这是在浪费时间
Now, who else could have a claim on the money?
谁还有这笔钱的领♥取♥权
Oh, God!
天啊
Ah, damn it.
该死
She found the little man without me.
她不需要我就自己找到了小人了[G点]
Anyway, we were thinking of putting together
总之 我们想做出一个
a sort of memorial collage...
纪念拼贴集之类的东西
Oh, for God sakes, will you just tell her?
我的天啊 你们就不能坦白跟她说吗
Um, some money owed to your father has been discovered.
你父亲被发现有一笔未领♥取♥的钱
Really? How much?
真的吗 有多少
Two and a half thousand.
两千五百块
Million. It's $2.5 million.
二百五...十万美元
Why are you here?
你为啥在这里
You know what? I've been asking myself that since day one.
打从第一天起 我就不断问自己这个问题
Honestly, I forgot she was here.
说真的 我都忘了她还在
Look, anyway,
不管怎么样
somebody claimed it and transferred it
有人领走了这笔钱还把它
into a numbered account in the Caymans.
存进了在卡曼群岛的账户里
And you think it was me?
你觉得是我♥干♥的
Would I be living in a one-bedroom apartment
要是我有那么多钱还和这么多人
if I had that kind of money?
挤一间单室户干什么
I don't have my contacts in.
我没戴隐形眼镜
Was that the same one or different?
她和刚才的是同一个人吗
Excuse me.
等我一下
Wow. You hang a penis on that girl,
你给这姑娘装上小鸡鸡
and you've got Charlie.
活脱脱就是查理了
Thank you. Huh.
谢谢
Certified letter from a law firm.
一家律师所寄来的证明函
Might mean traveling money. Stand by.
说不定是钱 等一下
Oh, my God.
天啊
What is it?
是什么
Am I seeing that right? That's a lot of zeroes.
我没看错吧 这么多个零
It's a cashier's check for $100,000.
是一张十万美元的现金支票
Who's it from?
哪儿寄来的
I don't know. Oh, but there's a note.
不知道 不过这有个便笺
It says, "Buy yourself something nice.
上面说 "给自己买♥♥点好东西
Sorry I wasn't there for you."
抱歉没能一直陪在你身边"
I don't care who it's from.
我才不管是谁寄来的
Apology accepted.
道歉我接受了
Is the bathroom in here?
浴室在那边吗
"Buy yourself something nice.
"给自己买♥♥点好的
"orry I broke your heart...
对不起 我伤害了你"
and banged your sister.
还搞了你妹妹
As I write this, I realize those two things might be related."
写到这里 我才发现这两件事有联♥系♥"
Hmm. Screw my sister.
去我妹的
"Buy yourself something nice.
"给自己买♥♥点好的
Sorry I shot you.
对不起我对你开了枪
I didn't know I was loaded."
我不知道我枪上膛了"
"Buy yourself something nice.
"给自己买♥♥点好东西
Tell your mom I'm sorry I gave her chlamydia."
告诉你妈妈我很抱歉传染性病给了她"
"Sorry I never called.
"对不起没再给你打过电♥话♥
Buy yourself a nice vagina."
给自己买♥♥个质量好点的阴♥道♥"
obviously Jenny didn't claim the royalties.
显然不是珍妮领走了那笔钱
Why would she send a check to herself?
不然她给自己寄支票干什么呢
Yeah, but you still don't know it was Charlie.
但你也不能凭这就认为是查理寄的
Oh, who else is going to send
还有谁会给
an unemployed lesbian actress $100,000?
一个失业的同性恋女演员寄十万美金
I don't know. Ellen DeGeneres?
不知道 艾伦·德詹尼斯吗
I'm telling you, Charlie's alive.
我说了 查理还活着
Oh, good.
真好
Then I don't have to tell you.
看来不用我亲自告诉你们了
Charlie is still alive?
查理还活着吗
Yeah, kinda.
算是吧
What do you mean, "Kinda"?
什么叫"算是"
'Cause she "kinda" drank when she was pregnant with me,
因为她"算是"喝醉了怀的我
and now I "kinda" can't do math.
导致我"算是"学不好数学
Hey. What are you still doing here?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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