好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E08
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:09 p.m.
Okay. Hold up your gifts.
好的 把礼物举起来
Everybody has to see the gold and frankincense and myrrh
让大家能看到黄金 乳香与没药
so they know we're the three wise men.
才能知道我们是东方三博士
It's 88 degrees out.
现在有31度
I don't have any myrrh.
我也没有没药
Unless it's the biblical term for "Swamp ass."
除非那个词是圣经里"湿一屁♥股♥"的用语
We want this to be mantel-worthy.
我们要拍一张有意义的照片
We want people to say, you know, "Look at those costumes,
要让别人觉得 "看看他们的变装服
look at that view, look at Cher's house
他们背后的风景 看看雪儿的房♥子
perfectly positioned over Alan's right shoulder."
正好就在照片中艾伦的右肩之上"
Oh, it's got to be better than last year.
好歹肯定会比去年那张好
Me as Joseph, Berta as the Virgin Mary
去年我扮成约瑟 波塔是圣母玛利亚
looking down at you in a diaper.
然后低头看着穿着尿布的你
People loved that.
大家很爱那张好吗
Okay, here we go.
来拍啦
Now everybody say...
大家一起说...
Sweet baby Jesus!
我了个老天爷哦
Sweet baby Jesus!
我了个老天爷哦
Sorry about that.
抱歉
Oh, that's so cute.
好可爱啊
You guys are dressed as Duck Dynasty.
你们装扮成《鸭子王朝》的人
No. We're the three kings of Bethlehem.
我们是伯利恒的三博士[王]
Oh, right.
好吧
I don't get HBO.
我家没电影台 不看历史剧
Guys, look at him.
你们快看这小可爱
Isn't he the cutest in his little robe and beard?
他穿着小袍子跟小胡须是不是超可爱
You want my gold?
你们想要我的黄金吗
First cute girl he meets, he's already giving away his money.
第一次见到美女 就要把钱都给人家了
You know, I think I have a better idea for a holiday card.
我有更好的节日祝贺卡片主意了
《博士两个半》敬上
圣诞快乐
I found the fake snow!
我找到人工雪花啦
It looks real.
看起来像真的一样
Yeah. I love a white Christmas.
我也喜欢下雪的圣诞
So did Charlie.
查理也喜欢
He used to put snow on every mirror in the house.
他以前喜欢把家里所有镜子都喷上雪
Okay.
好吧
Hey, hey, buddy, why don't you go inside
小家伙 你要不要进去
and write your letter to Santa?
给圣诞老人写封信呢
Santa's not real.
圣诞老人又不是真的
What?
什么
Of course he is.
他当然是真的啦
He's never brought me anything I asked for.
他从没有给我过任何我许愿的礼物
Hey, I am sure that Santa's gonna
小家伙 我确定今年
come through for you this year, buddy.
圣诞老人一定会来给你送礼物
That's what grown-ups always say.
大人每次都这么说
Come inside with me.
跟我进来
I made gingerbread Zippys.
我做了废柴姜饼人
I was gonna make gingerbread houses,
我本来要做个姜饼屋
but everybody knows Zippys don't have houses.
可是大家都知道废柴没有屋子
A six-year-old boy who doesn't believe in Santa.
一个六岁的孩子居然不相信圣诞老人
How sad is that?
这也太可悲了吧
Almost as sad as my 20-year-old boy who does.
跟我那个20岁还相信圣诞老人的儿子一样可悲
This sucks.
这样不好
Just 'cause he grew up in a group home doesn't mean
他在教♥养♥院♥长大不代表
that he can't enjoy the magic of Christmas. I know.
他就不能享受圣诞节的魔力啊 我知道
It was always Jake's favorite holiday.
圣诞节一直都是杰克最爱的节日
Especially the year he turned 13
尤其是他13岁的那年
and got his first Christmas boner.
他得到了他首次的圣诞勃起
It was the only toy he played with all day.
这唯一的"玩具"他玩了一整天
Hey, you know, I bet Louis would believe
我相信如果路易斯得到了
if we got him exactly what he wanted.
他想要的礼物 他就会相信了
I don't know what he wants.
我不知道他想要什么
He wants a bike. God!
他想要辆脚踏车 天啊
Rose.
罗斯
What are you doing here?
你来干嘛
Wait. How do you know about Louis?
等等 你怎么会知道路易斯
Oh, Walden, you're so adorable.
沃顿 你真是好傻好天真
I just wanted to bring by my homemade Christmas candies.
我只是来送我自♥制♥的圣诞糖果而已
Do you like nuts?
你喜欢坚果[疯子]吗
Covered in chocolate, yes.
裹巧克力的坚果 喜欢
With a sweater and skirt, no.
穿着毛衣跟裙子的疯子 不喜欢
Oh. Okay.
好吧
On this day, Walden's heart shrank three sizes.
在这天 沃顿的小肚鸡肠又缩更小了
Anyway, I know this time of year can get busy,
我知道每年的这个时候会有很多事要忙
so if you need a helping hand, I'm here.
所以如果你们需要帮手 欢迎找我
I can wrap presents or babysit or read a Christmas story.
我会包礼物 看小孩 或读圣诞故事
I'm great at doing voices.
我很会学各种声音哦
Or hearing them.
也很会偷听声音
What do you want, Rose?
罗斯 你到底有什么目的
My DNA, my fingerprints, a lock of my hair?
我的DNA 指纹 还是一撮头发
No, silly.
才不是 小傻瓜
I have all that.
这些我早有了
I want to be your friend again.
我只是想跟你再次成为朋友
I don't think that I'm comfortable with you being around Louis.
可我不太想要你接近路易斯
Or me.
或接近我
If you want to hang out with Alan, that's fine.
但我不介意你跟艾伦玩
I'll pass.
还是算了吧
Here you go-- a little Christmas cheer for everyone.
给 大家都来喝杯圣诞小饮
Ugh! What is this?
这是什么鬼
It's eggnog.
圣诞蛋酒啊
With no rum!
有蛋没有酒
Eggnog without booze is as boring and bland
蛋酒不加酒 就跟没酒的教堂
as church without booze.
一样无聊又没劲
Be a dear and go get some rum for your grandmother.
你乖 去帮奶奶拿点朗姆酒来
Evelyn, he's six years old.
伊芙琳 他才六岁
Oh. Yes, right.
对哦 我忘了
The rum is in a bottle with a pirate on it.
朗姆酒是上面有海盗图案的那瓶
Maybe-maybe we can wait until Louis goes to bed.
好歹也等到路易斯上♥床♥睡觉去了再喝
Of course.
你说得对
So run along to bed, dear.
那你赶紧上♥床♥睡觉吧 乖
Mom.
妈
If you don't go to sleep, Santa won't come.
如果你不去睡觉 圣诞老人不会来哦
There is no Santa.
才没有圣诞老人呢
What?! Of course there is.
什么 当然有啊
Santa's as real as the nose on my face.
圣诞老人就跟我的鼻子一样真
Well, he's as real as my...
真得像我身上的...
Trust me, he's real.
相信我 他真的存在
You know, she's right,
她说得没错哦
and tonight we're gonna prove it,
今晚我们就可以证明给你看
because we got a Santa cam,
因为我们有圣诞老人摄像头
so we can catch the big man in red on video.
这样我们就能拍到红衣老头的身影啦
Santa Claus!
圣诞老人
Old Saint Nick!
圣诞老公公
Papa Noel.
圣诞老人[西班牙语]
Babbo Natale.
圣诞老人[意大利语]
Weihnachtsmann.
圣诞老人[德语]
Which, of course, means "Christmas man" in German.
在德文里 这是"圣诞先生"的意思
Teachable moment.
适合教学的时刻嘛
The-the point is, in the morning,
重点是 等明早
when you see him on video,
你看到录像里的圣诞老人
then you'll believe he's real, right?
你就会相信他的存在啦 对吧
I guess.
大概吧
I guess?! What?
什么大概
It's a Christmas miracle!
这可是圣诞节的奇迹啊
Did you hear that, Alan? Did you hear that, Evelyn?
你们说是吧 艾伦 你说是吧 伊芙琳
You hear that, Clarence?
你听到了吗 克雷伦斯
Merry Christmas, you wonderful old building and loan!
建筑与贷款协会 圣诞快乐
Okay, off to bed you go.
好啦 上♥床♥睡觉去啦
And soon, you'll have visions of sugar plums
很快你就可以进入梦乡
dancing in your head.
有糖梅在你脑中跳舞了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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