好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E07
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:09 p.m.
I wouldn't have Lily,
我也不会生下莉莉了
and even at six years old, she's my best friend.
虽然她只有六岁 却是我最好的朋友
I hope I get there with Louis at some point.
我希望我和路易斯也能这样
You'll get there.
你们会的
I hope I stay there with Lily.
我希望我和莉莉能保持现状
I'm afraid that by the time she's a teenager,
我担心等她成为婷婷少女了
she'll be like, "Mom, you're a 100!
她就会说 妈妈 你那么老
Nobody believes I'm your sister!"
别人才不相信我和你是姐妹呢
Okay, how could anyone say that about someone
美丽聪颖柔软如你
as pretty, smart and flexible as you?
哪里会有人敢这么说
You're so sweet.
你嘴真甜
You don't happen to know of a single,
你不会碰巧认识
straight version of you, do you?
和你差不多的单身直男吧
I used to know one.
我曾经认识这样的人
Are you looking for a date?
你想和人约会吗
I told you, it's been over two years.
我告诉过你 我已经空窗两年了
I need a lot more than a date.
我想要的不止是约会那么简单
Popsicles are awesome!
冰棍真是好棒哦
Okay, I'm gonna go check on the kids.
我得去看看孩子们了
I'm gonna wait here for a bit.
我还是等一会儿再去吧
Hope you are ready to go.
你准备好了吗
The ladies just Instagrammed a selfie from the limo.
姑娘们刚发了一张在豪车中的自♥拍♥照
#GirlsNightOut is on like Chaka Khan!
标签是 女生狂欢之夜开骚啦
All right, Louis is eating his dinner.
路易斯开始吃晚饭了
Oh, great.
太好了
Hey, thank you again for watching him tonight.
多谢你今晚来照顾他
And if anything comes up--
如果有什么事
and I mean anything at all-- you call my cell.
任何事 你都赶紧给我打电♥话♥
Got it.
知道了
Oh, if he wants to play a game,
如果他想玩游戏
he likes Chutes and Ladders.
他喜欢滑道梯子棋
And if he want to watch a cartoon,
如果他想看卡♥通♥
he likes Phineas and Ferb.
他喜欢飞哥与小佛
And who does he like in the Cardinals-Rams game tonight?
今晚红雀队和公羊队的比赛他会喜欢谁呢
I know I'm being a little bit crazy,
我知道我有点过度紧张
but this is the first time I've left him alone.
但这是我第一次离开他身边
Relax, I had five kids,
放轻松 我有五个孩子
12 grandkids and four great-grandkids.
12个孙子和4个曾孙
I've done it all.
我什么都干过
Except teach them about birth control.
除了教他们避孕以外
I don't feel good.
我不舒服
Oh, no. What's the matter?
你怎么了
I just threw up.
我刚才吐了
Oh, no. Oh... yep.
不会吧 真的耶
He's got a fever.
他发烧了
I'll bet it was that snot-nosed kid on the rock wall.
肯定是被攀岩的鼻涕娃传染了
Typhoid Tyler. Yeah.
伤寒泰勒 是的
I got this.
包在我身上
I worked for Charlie for ten years.
我为查理工作了十年
I know vomit.
我了解呕吐
Cleaning it up and inducing it.
不管是清理呕吐 还是引发呕吐
I never threw up spaghettis before.
我从来没吐过意大利面
It's kind of fun.
还挺好玩的
Should we go to the doctor?
我们该带去看医生吗
Oh, no, no.
不用
I'm sure it's just a tummy ache.
应该只是肚子痛而已
I'll text the girls and let 'em know we can't make it.
我给姑娘们发信息说去不了了
Oh, no. Come on. You go.
不 不用 你去吧
You sure?
你确定
Yeah, come on, this is what a parent does.
确定 这就是父母的责任
This is what I signed up for.
收养他时就知道会这样了
Besides, you took a half an hour
再说 你花了一个半小时
getting into those Spanx.
才把自己塞进紧身衣
All right. Sorry.
好吧 那就对不起啦
Um... I'll send pictures.
我会给你发照片的
Danielle said that if I get her drunk enough
丹妮尔说如果我能灌醉她
she'll show me her tattoos.
她就给我看她的纹身
Uh, she's got a bird on her hand and two in her...
她手上有一只鸟 还有两只在...
Walden...
沃顿
I'm sorry I got sick.
对不起我生病了
What? Come on, man.
别这样 孩子
Don't be sorry.
不需要道歉
It happens.
食五谷生百病
I'm sorry you don't feel well.
你生病才可怜呢
But you were going to go out with Alan
可你本来要和艾伦出去玩
and now you can't 'cause of me.
现在你只能留下来照顾我了
Oh, I'm not missing anything.
我可不难过哦
You ever seen Alan dance?
你见过艾伦跳舞吗
All right.
好了
Now, you get some good sleep
现在你要好好休息了
and I'm gonna be right here
如果你想要什么
if you need anything.
我就在你身边
Oh, and you know who else'll be here?
你知道谁也在你身边吗
Your new friend, "Barfy the Bucket."
你的新朋友 "巴菲桶桶"
** I'm here for you if you're ready to spew! *
* 如果你想吐 别怕有我在
Laurel.
罗洛儿
What are you doing here?
你怎么会在这里
I bailed.
我溜了
Didn't Alan tell you?
艾伦没告诉你吗
No, the only thing I got was a picture of Alan twerking.
没 我只收到了一张他摇屁♥股♥的照片
With a caption that said, "Alan got his groove back."
上面写着 "艾伦再战沙场"
Well, when I heard that Louis was sick,
我听说路易斯生病了
I thought you could use some help.
所以我想你可能需要帮助
And soup.
还有一碗热汤
Come on, that is so sweet.
你真是太好了
You did not have to do this.
你真的不用这么贴心
You look amazing. Oh, thanks.
你今天真漂亮 谢谢了
Well, I already had the sitter, and...
我已经请了保姆 而且
first rule of parenting: Never cancel the sitter.
家长准则第一条 绝对不要取消保姆
Well, unless she's banging your husband.
除非她和你的老公搞上了
Too far?
太过火了
No, uh, "Too far" was starting a Facebook page
不 过火是指在脸书上建了页面
called "Tiffany Jones is a Husband-Stealing Little Bitch."
名叫"蒂凡尼·琼斯是偷汉子的小婊砸"
So...Uh, do you know what Louis has?
路易斯得了什么病
Uh, well, I went on the Internet
我在网上查了一下
and I've narrowed it down to either the flu,
把范围缩小到感冒
rickets or early-onset menopause.
佝偻病和更年期早期症状上了
Second rule of parenting:
家长准则第二条
Never consult the Internet.
千万不要求助于网络
How's he doing now?
他现在怎么样了
Well, he's asleep
他已经睡了
and he's doing pretty well.
恢复得还不错
Oh, good, because...
太好了 因为
I brought this for us.
我给咱俩带了这个
You know, third rule of parenting:
家长准则第三条
Kids aren't the only ones that can drink from a bottle.
并非只有孩子才可以抱着瓶子喝
* Oh, yes, it's ladies' night, and feelings' right. *
* 没错 这就是女人夜 感觉很赞 *
* Oh, yes, it's ladies' night, oh, what a night *
* 没错 这就是女人夜 夜晚很艳 *
** Oh, what a night. *
* 夜晚很艳
Easy, there.
悠着点 亲
I pour strong when the alcohol's free.
我酒不要钱时才会喝这么猛
I have to cram a lot of fun into a short amount of time.
我得在有限的时间内 尽可能多狼吞虎咽点乐子
Kind of like sex with Roger.
就像和罗杰上♥床♥
What is it with guys and their constant need for sex?
为什么男人总是想上♥床♥
Look at Alan here. He's out with two women,
看看艾伦 他和两个女人一起玩
but I bet even he wants sex right now.
我猜他现在也是在想床上的事
I do. I really do.
好想 真的好想
Oh, my God! Let's dance!
我的天啊 来跳舞
Come up here, Alan!
快上来 艾伦
No, I-I'm good down here.
不用了 我在下面挺好的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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