好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E12
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
Let's go to your room.
去你房♥间
Okay, great.
太好了
What's wrong?
怎么啦
I just got stung by a jellyfish earlier, that's all.
我之前刚被水母螫了 没什么
Yeah, still got it.
宝刀未老
Sex is very different when you're sober.
不酗酒了 做♥爱♥感觉也不同了
Now I really know how long two minutes is.
现在我知道两分钟到底有多久了
It was a special occasion.
在这个特别的日子
I wanted to give you a little something extra.
人家想"额外"送你一些甜头嘛
Well, thank you.
谢谢
This puts a nice cap on our relationship.
这给我们的关系画下了美好的句点
Wait.
慢着
I can't have this be the last time we make love.
我不想这是我们最后一次做♥爱♥
The last time I put on your panties.
我最后一次穿上你的内♥裤♥
The last time you say, "No, not there,"
你最后一次说 "不 不是那里"
and I pretend I was just confused.
我假装我只是很困惑
Look, I'm not saying I won't miss you,
我并不是说我不会想你
but the fact is you're married.
但事实是 你结婚了
You're about to adopt a child.
你们要领养一个孩子
That's my point.
我就是想说这个
The adoption is almost final, and when it is,
领养手续快完了 结束后
Walden and I will get a divorce.
沃顿和我会离婚
And I misspelled my name on the prenup.
而且我在婚前协议上故意签错了名字
We'll live like kings.
我们以后可以过着土豪的生活
Are you really asking me to stay?
你是在求我留下吗
Yes, I mean, we've shared so much over the years.
是 这些年我们一起经历了这么多
We can't just throw it away like a...
我们不能说扔就扔 就像扔掉
a long-running hit television show
那种播出了很多季
that still pulls in a pretty decent audience.
依然可以吸引不少好观众的热门电视剧那样
I suppose it is something to think about.
我想这值得考虑一下
I mean, for the first time in a long time,
很久以来第一次
neither one of us is seeing anybody else.
我们都没有约会别人
Hey, do you need a bedazzled iPhone case?
你需要一个很亮晶晶的苹果手♥机♥套吗
Wait, are you seeing someone?
慢着 你是不是有女朋友了
Yeah, yeah, Alan Harper has two girlfriends.
是啊 艾伦·哈勃有两个女朋友呢
What else do I have?
我还"有"什么
Good credit? Health insurance?
良好的信用记录 健康保险
A job?
工作
This is a lot to think about.
要好好考虑下
I'm gonna need some time.
我需要一些时间
Of course, take all the time you need.
当然了 慢慢考虑
Okay.
好的
Look, I really do need to go.
我真的要走了
And I really do need my panties back.
我也真的需要我的内♥裤♥
Hey, Walden.
沃顿
Lyndsey?
林赛
Uh, are you coming out of Alan's room?
你从艾伦的房♥间里出来吗
You drinking again?
你又开始酗酒了吗
Do I need to take you to a meeting?
需要我带你去参加戒酒自助会吗
No, still sober.
不 我很清醒
But I should apologize for sleeping with your husband.
但我应该道歉 我睡了你丈夫
Not the first time I've said that.
这话我不是第一次说
See ya.
回见
So, okay.
好的
Alan!
艾伦
Yeah.
来了
Are you having sex with Lyndsey
你在和我们的社工
while you're sleeping with our social worker?
上♥床♥的同时 又睡了林赛吗
Yeah, my pimp hand is strong.
我对付女人很有一套
No, it's not!
不 才不是
Look, look, this thing with Lyndsey just happened.
听着 和林赛上♥床♥是情难自禁
A-And, honestly, I-I'm glad it did.
老实说 我很开心这事发生了
I-I really want her to give us another shot.
我真的希望她再给我们一次机会
What about Ms. McMartin?!
那麦克马丁小姐呢
Oh, we're not that serious.
我们只是玩玩而已
Plus, she doesn't get me like Lyndsey gets me.
而且 她并不像林赛那样了解我
When I try to put Ms. McMartin's panties on,
我想穿麦克马丁小姐的内♥裤♥时
she looks at me like I'm some kind of weirdo.
她看我就像看着变♥态♥一样
Kind of like how I'm looking at you right now?!
就像我现在看你的眼光吗
Look, I'm gonna see Ms. McMartin tonight,
我今晚会见麦克马丁小姐
and I-I'll tell her it's over.
我会跟她分手
She's gonna be upset-- nobody likes getting dumped.
她会生气的 没人愿意被甩
Oh, she'll be fine.
她不会有事的
I mean, you've seen how she looks at me.
你也看到她看我的眼神了
That's not love.
那不是爱
That's not even like.
连喜欢都算不上
That's-- if we run into anyone I know,
那是 "如果我碰到认识的人
I'm pretending that you're my slow brother.
我会假装你是我的弱智哥哥"
Alan?
艾伦
I want you to get your penis out of my business.
我要求你的老二别靠近我的"私"事
Change "Business" To "Turkey,"
将"事"改成"火鸡"
uh, and it's the story
那就是名叫艾伦的13岁男孩
of how a 13-year-old boy named Alan ruined Thanksgiving.
如何毁掉感恩节的故事
What looks good?
想吃什么
And don't say my boobs.
别说是我的咪♥咪♥
Cute.
可爱
Funny.
有趣
Boobs.
咪♥咪♥
Um, can we talk?
我们能聊聊吗
What's wrong?
出什么事了
Is it the restaurant? It's not too pricy, is it?
是这家餐馆吗 其实这里不贵
It only had one dollar sign on Yelp.
这家在点评网上有一美元标志
N-N-No, it's not that.
不 不是因为这个
Um, although, $14 for tilapia?
不过 罗非鱼居然要14块
Sounds to me like a beer-battered rip-off.
简直是拿啤酒糊敲竹杠
Then what's going on?
那是什么事
Here's the thing.
是这样的
I really like you, it's just that...
我真的喜欢你 只是...
Oh, my God, are you breaking up with me?
我的天 你要和我分手吗
Wow, Band-Aid off.
哇 你可真直接
Seriously? You?
真的假的 就凭你
Breaking up with me?
要甩我
That?
你那样
Breaking up with this?
要甩我这样的
Hey, hey, there's no need to point.
没必要指指点点
I mean, we both could be in better shape.
我们俩谁身材好还说不定呢
Oh, there is only one person at this table wearing Spanx,
这桌只有一个人穿塑身裤
and it is not me.
反正不是我
Could you keep it down? People are starting to look.
你能小声点吗 大家在看呢
Oh, well, they're probably wondering
他们可能想知道
why the old man and his nurse are arguing.
这个老头为什么和他的护工吵架
Hey, I am not that much older than you.
我也没比你大多少
I'm 47.
我才47岁
Great, you just lost me my senior discount.
这下好了 你害我老年折扣没有了
I knew dating you was a bad idea.
我就知道和你约会是个馊主意
Yes, exactly.
就是
Louis and Walden are the priority here.
路易斯和沃顿才是最重要的
You and I should never have complicated the adoption
你和我就不应该因为我们肆意的激♥情♥
with our unbridled passion.
让领养变得复杂
We should have bridled.
我们应该克制
This was so stupid.
这事真蠢
I am so stupid.
我真蠢
No, you're not stupid.
不 你不蠢
You just let your unfettered desire get the best of you.
你只是任凭你肆意的欲望摆布
You should have fettered.
你应该管住自己
You know what?
知道吗
You're right.
你是对的
Ending this is a good thing.
分手是件好事
To be honest, I'm actually a little relieved.
说真的 我感觉解放了
Of course you are, you just dodged a bullet--
对 就像躲开一颗子弹
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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