好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S12E15

Part 5 Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.

但至少可以让你们不觉得疼
Uh, thank you for meeting with us on such short notice, Lieutenant.
谢谢你能在这么短的时间内见我们警司
Anything for you, my friend.
乐意为你们效劳我的朋友
How can I help?
我能怎么帮你们呢
So, uh, that's about it, uh, uh, Lieutenant...
事情就是这样警司...
Wagner. Uh, Wagner.
华格纳瓦格纳
No, not Wagner; Wagner.
不不是瓦格纳华格纳
Uh, W-A-G-N-E-R. Wagner.
化十华华格纳
"Vhatever."
"随你华吧"
All right, now, let me see if I got this straight.
好的现在听我理解得对不对
12 years ago, your wife kicked you out,
12年前你老婆把你赶出家门
and then you and your dumb son moved in with your brother.
你和你的蠢儿子搬进了你哥哥家
Uh, uh, he wasn't dumb at the beginning.
我儿子一开始并不蠢
Uh, he got dumb later on.
他是之后才变蠢的
What happened?
发生什么事了
Uh, well, turned out it was funnier.
后来觉得这样更搞笑罢了
All right.
好吧
So your brother then let you stay there
所以你哥哥让你住在他家
eight and a half years rent-free,
八年半没收过你一分钱房♥租
even though you claim that he never liked you.
虽然你声称他从来就不喜欢你
Ah. Ah, you're not the only one to point out the illogic.
嗯除了你很多人也觉得这不合逻辑
And this brother of yours supposedly died in Paris
你的这位哥哥据称在巴黎
under mysterious circumstances.
神秘死亡
It wasn't all that mysterious.
其实也没那么神秘
I mean, he was taking a lot of drugs
我是说他一直以来滥用药物
and pissed off almost everybody.
几乎把身边的人都惹毛过
And then you tried to drown yourself,
而你想投海自杀
but you changed your mind
但后来因为海水太冷
because the water was too cold.
你改变了主意
And then you got into his house and offered to buy it.
然后你跑到他的房♥子出价买♥♥了它
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
当时觉得这个买♥♥卖♥♥挺好的
And then you let him and his son stay there for four more years.
于是你让他和他的儿子继续住了四年
Right.
是的
Rent-free.
分文不收
Well, when you say it like that,
你这么说的话
it sounds ridiculous.
是挺荒谬的
And then your dead brother's
接着之前谁都不知道的
previously unknown lesbian daughter shows up,
你死去哥哥的同性恋女儿出现
and then you let her move in.
于是你又让她住了进来
You can't write this stuff, huh?
这种故事编都编不出来对吧
And then the two of you got married to each other.
再之后你们俩结婚了
Yes.
是的
But you're not gay.
但你们不是同性恋
Well, I'm not.
至少我不是
And then you adopted a black child.
你们还收养了一个黑人小孩
Ah, ah, he's, uh... he's more Eurasian.
不他更像是欧亚混血儿
Oh, what a sweetie pie.
可爱的小宝贝
And the two of you are now divorced?
你们俩现在离婚了
But you're living together.
但仍旧住在一起
If I leave, the whole thing falls apart.
如果我离开这个家就散了
Yeah, of course.
那是当然
Uh, and now the woman who stalked your brother
过去跟踪你哥哥的女人
and then married him
后来嫁给了他
all of a sudden shows up and she says
今天突然出现她告诉你们
that he's not dead after all,
你哥哥并没有死
that she has been keeping him in a dungeon pit
她一直把她关在圣费尔南多谷
in the San Fernando Valley.
一间地牢的地洞里
Ah, uh, Sherman Oaks.
是谢尔曼橡树区
Uh, but the good part-- uh, south of the boulevard.
但是好地段在主路南边
And then he escaped,
最后他逃走了
and he sent you cigars and whiskey.
他给你寄来雪茄和威士忌
Oh, and don't forget the chasin' knife.
别忘了还有一把追着他跑的刀
Oh, and the threatening text.
还有威胁短♥信♥
He said, uh, "I'm coming home,
他说 "我要回家了
and you're gonna pay."
你要付出代价"
I'm confused.
我不懂
'Cause you said he doesn't pay for anything.
因为你说他从来不会"付"任何事物
I think the point is,
我觉得重点是
is that we need you to find him becau...
我们需要你找到他因为
This guy has some serious rage issues.
这个家伙有严重的情绪失控问题
Has he tried anger management?
那他试过愤怒管理吗
Yeah, but it didn't work.
试过了但不太灵光[收视不好]
Okay.
好吧
Well, I have this inscription now,
我现在有笔录描述
and so if we find him, I'll let you know.
如果我们找到他会通知你们的
Uh, well... Thank you.
那好吧谢谢
Uh, really appreciate it.
不胜感激
No problem.
别客气
Now, if I can, uh, offer you a word of advice...
如果可以我想给你们提个建议
I would consider wrapping this whole thing up.
要我我会考虑把一切做个了结
Uh, what do you mean?
这话什么意思
I mean the whole living arrangement.
我是说这故事的整个生活方式
The kids, the girls, the beach house.
孩子们女人们还有那栋海滩别♥墅♥
I mean, this whole thing has been going on way too long.
这一切已经拖得太夸张了
Yeah, a lot of people been saying that.
是啊很多人都这么说
Haters gonna hate.
走自己的路让别人恨去吧
We should get out of town for a couple of days.
我们应该出城几天
You know, go to a nice resort,
去一个好的度假村
uh, get some facials, Mani-pedis.
做做脸做做手足护理
You know, a guys' weekend.
过个男人的周末
No... we're not going anywhere.
不我们哪儿都不去
We got a state-of-the-art security system.
我们家有最先进的保安系统
Nobody gets in unless we let them in.
除非我们打开门否则苍蝇都飞不进来
What the hell?
搞毛啊
"We got a state-of-the-art security system.
"我们家有最先进的保安系统
No one gets in unless we let them in."
除非我们打开门否则苍蝇都飞不进来"
Shut up. No, you shut up.
闭嘴不你给我闭嘴
Jake? Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
杰克天啊天啊
Oh, my God.
我的老天
What are you doing here?
你怎么来了
Yeah, I thought you were in the Army.
就是我以为你在军队呢
Come on. Look at me.
拜托你看我这副样子
Do I look like someone who's in the Army?
看起来像是军队的兵吗
Not on our side.
其他国家的兵嘛
Come in.
快进来
Hey. These are pretty cool. Where'd you get them?
这些挺屌♥的从哪里弄的
Target?
塔吉特[目标]百货吗
You get it? 'Cause of the... there's the circles...
懂笑点吗圆形的圈圈像它的标志...
Yeah, no, no, I got it. I got it. No.
不用不用解释我懂
Here's the thing.
是这样的
It turns out that your Uncle Charlie
我们发现你的查理叔叔
might still be alive.
可能还在人世
That would explain why I got a check for $250,000
难怪我收到了一张25万的支票
and a note that said, "I'm alive."
还有张纸写着"我还活着"
You have $250,000?
你有25万吗
Not anymore. I stopped in in Vegas on the way here.
没了我来这里的路上去了趟赌城
Oh, God. How much do you have left?
天啊你还剩多少钱
Two and a half million.
百万两个半
You won $2.5 million?
你赢了二百五十万吗
Oh, yeah. It's not that hard.
是啊这又不难
I kept playing craps because, you know, "Crap."
我一直玩双骰因为屎[双骰]嘛
Oh, and I kept betting on come, because...
然后我一直下注在"来"[高♥潮♥] 你懂的
Wow. That's... amazing that you made so much money
真不可思议你靠着这么烂的哏
with such stupid jokes.
赚了这么多钱
Taterhead!
傻蛋
Hey, Berta.
波塔
Oh, look at you!
你看你
You look like a grown man.
都长得像个大人了
Really? Which one?
真的吗哪个大人
I've missed you.
我好想你
Berta, what are you still doing here?