好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E06
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:09 p.m.
But it has to be a...
不过这得是...
** Secret, secret, I got a secret... *
* 秘密 秘密 我有个秘密...
Go tell your mommies you got shot by CoolDad47.
快去告诉你们的妈妈 你们被酷爹47打中了
Hey, hey, who hit me?
谁打我
I got you. Oh. I'm gonna get you.
我打中你了 我会打中你的
I'm gonna get you.
我会打中你的
Yeah, yeah, you better run.
你最好还是跑吧
Better run faster.
最好跑快点
Ow, my head!
我的头
Louis?
路易斯
Louis, are you okay?
路易斯 你没事吧
Wait, wait, don't shoot! Uh, my kid is hurt.
等等 别开枪 我孩子受伤了
Ha, ha. Sucker.
蠢妞
Hey. I got here as quick as I could.
我尽快赶来了
Are you okay, buddy? What happened?
你没事吧 小家伙 怎么回事
He's fine. It's typical kid stuff, you know?
他没事 就是小孩常有的事
He was running a little too fast,
他当时跑得太快了
and he tripped and bumped his head.
摔了一跤 撞到了头
And then Alan shot a little girl.
然后艾伦"射"了一个小女孩
What? We played laser tag.
什么 我们在玩真人CS
** Secret, secret, It was a secret. *
* 秘密 秘密 这是个秘密
Alan, can I talk to you in the hallway?
艾伦 能来走廊说两句吗
Ooh, you're in trouble.
你有麻烦了
I really hope you have a good explanation
希望你能好好解释一下
for taking him to laser tag.
带他去玩真人CS这事儿
Uh, okay, j-just out of curiosity,
好 纯粹出于好奇
um, uh, what, in your opinion,
在你看来
would qualify as a good explanation?
什么才算是一个好的解释
I don't know. Y-Your car broke down
我不知道 比如说你的车
outside of the place.
在路上坏了
And then the tornado was coming, so you took shelter inside.
然后龙♥卷♥风♥来了 所以你们得去室内避难
And then once you got in there, you contracted a rare disease
你们刚进屋 就得了一种罕见的病
that could only be cured by playing laser tag.
只有玩真人CS才能痊愈
Wow, it's like you were there.
太准了 就像你当时也在场似的
What the hell, man?
你搞什么啊
You said you had my back.
你说你会照我的规矩来
Why do you keep doing this?
那你为什么老是反着来
He thinks I'm cool.
他觉得我很酷
I mean, when Jake was a kid,
杰克小的时候
he thought Charlie was the cool one.
他觉得查理才酷
When you moved in, Jake thought you were the cool one.
你搬进来后 杰克觉得你最酷
Now it's my turn.
现在也该轮到我了
Louis thinks I'm Al-Al Cool Dad.
路易斯觉得我是艾艾酷爹
No, he doesn't.
不 他不这么觉得
He's using this to manipulate you
他这么说是为了利用你
just like Ms. McMartin said he would.
正如麦克马丁小姐说的那样
Oh, so the-the only possible reason that someone would like me
有人喜欢我的唯一原因
is because they're trying to manipulate me?
是他们想利用我
Yes, that's right!
对 没错
You're not Al-Al Cool Dad, you're just Weird Al.
你不是艾艾酷爹 你只是怪艾
Okay, first of all,
好了 首先
that's a compliment to a lover of puns.
这是对双关语爱好者的夸奖
Secondly, you're overreacting.
第二 你的反应太夸张了
Overreacting?
太夸张了
I asked you to get Louis a backpack.
我让你带路易斯去买♥♥背包
Instead you got him stitches!
你却让他受伤缝针
Uh, actually, it's a liquid band.
那其实是液体创可贴
Shut up!
闭嘴
Louis is fine.
路易斯没事
Kids get hurt all the time, especially boys.
孩子受伤很正常 特别是男孩
Jake was constantly banging his head.
杰克经常撞到头
Okay, I really don't think you should be using Jake as an example.
你真不应该拿杰克的例子来说
Oh, so what are you saying? That I did a bad job raising my son?
你是什么意思 我的儿子没有养好吗
Jake is great,
杰克很好
but he did just send you a photo from Tokyo
不过他才从东京给你寄了张照片
and said-- and I quote--
我复述下上面写的话
"Look at what a great job they did
"看他们把哥斯拉破坏的城市
rebuilding the city after Godzilla."
重建得多么美好"
Okay, I may not be the best parent in the world,
好吧 我可能不是世界上最好的父亲
but at least I found a woman willing to have a kid with me.
至少我找到了一个愿意给我生孩子的女人
Okay, you know what, we should drop this.
行了 我们还是别斗嘴[掉]了
Like you did Jake, on his head, repeatedly.
就像你老是把杰克掉地下 撞到他的头
Yeah. I don't have to take this.
我才不要忍♥气吞声
So I am just gonna walk away.
所以我要离开了
Like every woman you've ever dated.
就像你之前约会过的女人一样
Oh, no, you're gonna walk away?
不是吧 你要离开了
Well, when am I gonna see you again?
那我什么时候才能见到你
Oh, I know. In 20 minutes,
我知道了 20分钟后
at my house, where you live rent-free.
在我的房♥子里 你免费住的地方
Proctology is on the eighth floor, Walden!
肛♥门♥科在八楼 沃顿
In case you'd like to get that stick removed.
你个屁精有病想治的话 记得上楼去
Al-Al Cool Dad, out.
艾艾酷爹 走了
Morning. Morning.
早安 早
I want you to know I spent a lot of time thinking
我花了很多的时间思考
about everything last night.
昨晚发生的事情
And?
然后
And I think an apology is sufficient.
我觉得道歉就足够了
I don't need a gift.
我不要你的礼物
Although I certainly wouldn't refuse a new panini press.
虽然我不会拒绝一台新帕尼尼烧烤机
That's a great idea.
这是个好主意
You know, if I bought you a panini press,
如果我给你买♥♥了帕尼尼烧烤机
would you smash your balls between the hot metal grates?
你能不能把蛋蛋夹到滚烫的烤盘里压碎
Oh, okay.
好的
I see I'm the only one capable of being a mature adult,
看出来了 只有我才是成熟懂事的大人
so to you I say...
那我这么跟你说...
You spit on me.
你喷到我了
Oh, did I?
有吗
Okay.
行
Let's go.
来吧
Can I play, too?
带我一起玩吧
Hey, buddy, uh, you're already finished with your chores?
小伙子 你的家务都做完了吗
Yup, I made my bed.
做完了 我铺了床
What a responsible young man.
多么有责任心的少年
I asked you to do something and you did it.
把我的要求都做到了
And he's six.
他才六岁
Hey, uh, buddy, now that you're finished with your chores,
小伙子 现在你的家务都做完了
what do you say we go bowling, huh?
我们去打保龄球好不好
Doesn't that sound fun?
听着就有意思吧
We get to wear other people's shoes.
我们会换上别人的鞋
Can Alan come?
艾伦去吗
Alan already wears other people's shoes.
艾伦本来穿的就是别人的鞋
I actually have to go to the grocery store, anyway.
反正我也得去趟杂货店
Do you know what else would be fun?
你知道还有什么事有意思吗
Hey, anything you want to do.
你说干什么都行
Let's go to the grocery store with Alan.
我们一起和艾伦去杂货店
Can I get Pop Tarts?
我能要水果馅饼吗
Ah, Pop Tarts.
水果馅饼
This is a wonderful choice.
选得好啊
Might I suggest the classic strawberry?
容我向您推荐经典草莓馅
Is best by 2016.
最佳赏味日期在2016年前
This is an excellent year.
绝佳的年份
Anything for the lady?
这位女士要点什么
Perhaps a glass of kiss my shir-ass.
一杯色拉屎红酒
What do you got there, buddy?
你去拿什么 小伙子
I want Froot Loops.
我想要果脆圈
You know, we only get one special treat.
我们只能买♥♥一个小零食
So if you want those, we got to put the Pop Tarts back.
如果你选了那个 就得把水果馅饼放回去
But I want both.
可我两个都要
Well, here's the thing: we can't have both.
问题是 我们不能要两个
So... that's the rule.
规矩就是规矩
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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