好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E11
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
I imagine that you guys enjoy it
想象一下你们
when you walk in on your wives masturbating.
撞见老婆打飞机时 必定很爽吧
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah...
对对对
Oh, no!
靠 恶心啊
Hey, there you are. We didn't get to talk yesterday.
你来啦 昨天我们都没聊聊
How was your day? Great.
今天过得怎样 很不错
How was your...day?
你今天过得 怎样呢
Oh, oh, it was the worst.
衰到家了
Filled in supermarket, there're only two lanes opened,
超♥市♥人满为患 只开了两个收银台
but there must have been 30 of us.
至少有30人排队
30? Wow, that's an amazing end to that story.
30人 看来故事结局挺惊悚
I wish. You know they don't give you bags anymore?
何止 他们居然不提供免费袋子了
If you want a bag, that's ten cents.
想要袋子得付10分钱
Ten cents. That's outrageous.
10分钱 不如去抢啦
That's six bruised peaches.
能买♥♥六个烂桃子呢
Uh, anyway, so I-I went out to the parking lot
后来我去了停车场
and there was a... Alan, can...
看到一个 艾伦 你能不能
can we just jump to the end?
能不能直接说结果
She agreed not to press charges.
她同意不起诉我
Okay, that is the end to, like,
你有太多事情
way too many of your stories.
都是以这句话告终的了吧
So, uh, how did your foster dads group go?
话说你的养父互助会怎么样
I-I texted you, but you never answered.
我给你发消息 你一直都没回
Really?
有吗
I... That's... I must not have gotten it.
我 我肯定是没收到
Are you sure? Uh, it says it was read at 7:47.
你确定吗 上面显示7点47分已读
I guess it was ignored at 7:48.
也许在7点48分时 被某人抛诸脑后了
Dads group was really fun.
养父互助会真的很欢乐
Yeah, I think it's gonna be really gonna helpful for Louis.
我想应该对路易斯会很有帮助
Oh, great, great. Uh, when are you gonna do it again?
太好了 你们什么时候再聚呢
Uh... Well, you know, I was gonna actually
其实我准备今天
have the guys over tonight.
请大家今晚来玩
Tonight? The place is a mess.
今晚就来吗 家里乱成这样
And The Good Wife is on.
而且今晚有《傲骨贤妻》新一集
Well, I do want to meet the guys, though.
好吧 不过我挺想见他们
Oh. Well, you know, it's a... it's actually,
这个...其实吧
it's a pretty tight-knit group, so...
我们几个人感情特别铁 所以
I don't think people will be able to open up
我怕如果有生人在场的话
if there's a stranger around. Besides, don't...
他们会放不开 而且你
don't you and Ms. McMartin have a thing tonight?
你不是和麦克马丁小姐今晚有"约"吗
Nope. Uh-uh.
没约
Free as a boner in sweat pants.
闲得就跟我的老二一样
No. Come on.
不是吧
You deserve a thing, so...
你值得有点乐子
here.
给
Well, I-I do deserve a thing.
我的确值得拥有些乐子
Hey, hey-- you only give me money
你只有在想甩掉我时
when you're trying to get rid of me.
才会给我钱
No, I don't. Here, take more money.
才没有 再给你点
Wait, hold on. Do you...
等等 你是不是
do you not want me around tonight?
今晚不想让我加入
No, it's just... it's just...
没有 只是
I had fun last night,
昨晚玩得太开心
and I want to have fun again tonight.
我希望今晚像昨晚一样开心
I see. And Webster's defines fun as
我懂了 《韦氏字典》里 "开心"是指
having or pertaining to the absence of Alan.
即将或已经远离艾伦
From the Latin: hurticus feelingsmus.
用拉丁语就是 "桑心了"
Okay, are you really asking why I don't want you around
你真的要一边用这种调调说话
while you're talking like that?
一边问我为什么不喜欢你在吗
Oh, so you really don't want me around?
所以你确实不想让我来
Yes, or as defined in Webster's, affirmative.
对 或《韦氏字典》中的 确定一定以及肯定
Don't take my dictionary thing.
别学我字典的这招
Well, at least you have a thing.
你至少还有招呢
I don't have anything for myself.
我自己却一无所有
I mean, every time I turn around, there you are.
每次我一转身 身后只有你
Oh, what? Let's just do it.
不信试试
Look, oh, there you are.
瞧 身后只有你
Well, I'm sorry if my presence offends you.
抱歉我碍着您的眼了
If bags weren't ten cents apiece, I'd put one over my head.
要不是塑料袋那么贵 我就买♥♥一个套头上
Listen, I just want one thing for myself.
听着 我只想留着一件只属于我的事
One thing where you're not around.
只求一件你不在我身边的事
Is that too much to ask?
我这要求很过分吗
Fine. If that's how you feel, you know,
行啊 如果这就是你想要的
have your stupid little group all to yourself in our house.
那你就在家里办你的白♥痴♥养父互助会吧
But don't expect me to wait to watch The Good Wife.
不过别指望我会等你们走了才看《傲骨贤妻》
And here's a picture of Heidi on a nude beach in Cancun.
这是海蒂在坎昆的裸体沙滩的照片
Whoa. I can see her can.
哇 我看见了她的"坎"[胸]
And her Cun.
还有她的"昆"[逼]
Alan?
艾伦
I thought you had a thing.
我以为你有事要忙
Well, if you saw my feet after the paraffin dip,
如果你看到我护肤滴蜡后的双足
you'd know I already had my thing.
就会知道我已经忙完了
Don't worry, I won't spoil your little party.
放心 我不会打扰你们的雅兴
You must be the dads who are part of the group.
你们是小组里的爸爸们
I'm the dad who's not part of the group.
我是个无组可归的爸爸
And here we go.
又来了
Hey, hey, why don't... why don't you have a beer?
嘿 来点啤酒吧
Oh, no, I'll be in my room. I can amuse myself.
不 我要回房♥ 我可以自娱自乐
I have a half bag of Cheetos and a radio.
我还有半袋奇多和收音机
Oh, hey, hey, come on, man.
这样不好吧
No. Please stay.
别走 请你留下
Well, when the boss says jump,
君要臣死臣不得不死
I say how... Hi. I'm Alan.
"死"[四]位先生大家好 我是艾伦
Wow, what a fun way to meet someone.
这打招呼方式真是有趣
Here you go.
给
Oh. Thank you, thank you. So, uh, so what's going on?
谢谢 怎么样啊你们
Or-Or should I say Whassup?!
还是我该说“我擦啊”[百威啤酒广♥告♥词]
You remember that?
你记得吗
You guys... You guys remember that? Remember?
你们记得吗 记得吗
Whassup?!
我擦啊
That is the whitest guy I have ever seen.
我从没见过这么"白"的人
Wait, wait, is that all you're serving?
等等 这怎么能行
Chips? Not even in a bowl?
吃薯片不用碗装怎么行
You should be embarrassed.
你作为主人应该感到尴尬
Oh, trust me, I'm embarrassed.
还用你说 我尴尬到想死
Look, nobody cares.
他们无所谓的
Alan seems to care, and you care about Alan's feelings, don't you?
艾伦在意 你也在意艾伦的感受对吗
Ooh, I like him. Two points for the silver fox.
我喜欢他 这老帅哥加两分
Maybe I'll just, uh, throw together some nachos.
我还是拌成玉米脆饼好了
We're fine. The...
我们无所谓的
Hey, I don't want you to go to all the trouble.
我不想给你添麻烦
See? I'm thinking about you.
瞧 我在为你着想
It's no trouble. It's just, uh, chips, uh...
不麻烦 不过是些薯片
guacamole, uh, Jalapenos and, uh, queso fresco.
鳄梨酱 墨西哥胡椒 还有鲜奶酪
My wife's idea of nachos
我老婆以为玉米脆饼
is just dumping some salsa on chips.
就是把莎莎酱倒薯片上
Well, I'm nacho average wife.
我可不是你家糟糠薯片妻
So this guy-- I bail him out completely,
这个男人 这个被我拯救了的男人
agree to marry him,
我委身下嫁的男人
and guess what we do on our wedding night.
猜猜新婚之夜我们做什么了
I-I don't need to hear that.
不用跟我说了
No judgment.
我没意见
Nothing. We came straight home.
什么都没做 直接回家了
Same place we went on our honeymoon.
我们蜜月也是在家里过的
The guy has a jet.
自己有私人飞机的人
How hard is it to go to Aruba?
去趟阿鲁巴岛能有多难
Jamaica.
牙买♥♥加
** Ooh, I wanna take you to Bermuda *
* 我要带你去百慕大
** Bahama, come on, pretty mama *
* 巴哈马 来吧 漂亮妈妈
** Key Largo, Montego *
* 基拉哥 蒙特卡洛
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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