好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E10
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
D-Don't go there. Nothing's been decided yet.
别难过太早 什么事都还没定呢
Well, other than the fact
除了一件事
that you don't want to be buried next to me.
就是你不想跟我合葬
This is a disaster.
我的心好痛
We're gonna lose everything that we worked for
我们所做的一切努力都因为这个
over one stupid mistake.
低级错误而付诸东流了
It's my chiropractic license all over again.
让我想起脊椎按♥摩♥执照被吊销的原因
Your hand slips into one butt crack.
手就失误滑进了一个股沟
What you drawing?
你画的是什么
It's us. We're the Justice League.
是我们 我们是"正义联盟"
You're Batman.
你是蝙蝠侠
I'm Batman?
我是蝙蝠侠
I mean...
我是说
I'm Batman.
我是蝙蝠侠
Is that Superman?
那是超人吗
That's me.
那是我
Oh, and, uh, there's Wonder Woman.
那个神奇女侠
Is that Berta?
是波塔吗
That's you.
是你
Oh, well, that's, uh, a little inaccurate, don't you think?
这不太符合事实啊 你不觉得吗
I mean, uh, I wish I had those shoulders.
要是我也能有这香肩就好了
And, uh, and who's that?
那个又是谁
That's Timothy, he's Aquaman.
那是提摩西 他是水行侠
Why can't I be Aquaman?
为什么不能让我当水行侠呢
Because Aquaman can keep himself afloat.
因为水行侠可以浮在水面[自力更生]
I drew it 'cause we're a team now.
画这个是因为我们现在是一支团队
That's right.
没错
We're a team that's never gonna break up.
我们是永不分离的队伍
Stay strong, Wonder Woman.
挺住 神奇女侠
Can we go to the park?
我们可以去公园了吗
I don't see why not.
这是当然
Yes, we have to live in the moment.
对啊 珍惜眼前
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may."
"花开堪折直须折"[《死亡诗社》台词]
And you ask why you're Wonder Woman.
这下知道你为什么是神奇女侠了吧
Hey, why don't you go and get your shoes on,
你快去门口穿好鞋子
and we'll get going, okay?
然后咱们出发 好吗
Cool!
酷
You're the best dad ever.
你是世上最好的老爸
Oh, my God.
我的天啊
Did you hear that? He used the "D" Word.
你听见了吗 他叫我"老爸"
I more than heard it, I felt it.
何止听到 心窝子里也感受到了
But I am not gonna cry.
但我不会流泪
That's right.
没错
We got to stay strong in front of the kid.
在孩子面前咱们得坚强
We can't let him know something's going on.
千万不能泄露内心戏
'Cause that's what a... a good dad does.
因为 好爸爸永远最坚强
I'm gonna go get my jacket.
我去拿我的外套
I feel so bad for him.
我好心疼这个孩子
Well, what are you gonna do about it?
你打算怎么办
There's nothing I can do.
我啥也做不了
Just gonna throw in the towel before the first round?
拳赛还没开始就认输啦
What?
什么
Let me put it in terms you'll understand.
我这么解释你就懂了
You're crapping your tutu before the ballet starts.
上场前 你把屎拉在了芭蕾舞裙里
After all that Walden's done for you,
后来沃顿帮你擦了屁♥股♥
you have to help him keep ahold of Louis.
作为回报你帮他留住路易斯
How? I don't know.
怎么留 我哪知道
But if there is anybody in the world
可如果这世上还有人知道
that can figure out how to keep somebody in this house,
如何能让人赖在这屋子里不走
it's you.
这人非你莫属
Um, is this seat taken?
这位子有人吗
Uh, actually, no, it's...
没人
What are you doing here?
你来干什么
Did you follow me?
你跟踪我吗
No.
没啊
But I knew you were here because of the picture
我看到你上传的蒜香面包照片
you posted of your bruschetta.
才猜到你在这儿
This is completely inappropriate.
这么做太不合规矩了
And only jackasses say "brew-sketta."
另外 只有白♥痴♥才会发音像"酸爽面包"
Just-just hear me out, I need to talk to you about Louis.
听我说 我要和你谈谈路易斯
The time to talk to me about Louis was
跟我谈路易斯的机会不是没给过你们
before you lied to me to get him.
那是在你们撒谎之前
I only need five minutes.
给我五分钟就好
I-I'll even pay for your dinner.
我还可以请你吃晚饭
I mean, if you really knew me,
如果你了解我的话
you'd know what a big deal that is.
你就会明白这有多大不了
Fine, five minutes.
好吧 就五分钟
Thank you.
谢谢
Oh, and if you want anything else, order fast--
要是你还想点别的 赶紧点
the happy hour prices are about to go away.
快乐优♥惠♥餐的时间快结束了
What do you have to say?
你要说什么吗
Walden is really a great guy.
沃顿是个很好的人
All he wanted was to be a dad,
他只是想做个父亲而已
and he tried everything he could think of.
他已经无所不用其极
I mean, he only married me because I was his last resort.
他娶我 是因为走投无路了才如此
I'm like peeing in a Gatorade bottle
就好像堵车时你只能用
when you're stuck in traffic.
饮料瓶小便
Nobody wants to do it, but sometimes it's your only option.
谁也不想这么干 但有时你没得选
You know what a last resort looks like?
你知道何为走投无路吗
Like a 33-year-old woman who devoted herself to her career
一个33岁的女人一心扑在事业上
because she had nothing else and then realized
因为除了事业她啥也没有 然后她发现
she's not even good at that because she screwed up
她的事业也被她亲手搞砸了 因为
and gave a kid to two guys pretending to be a gay couple.
她把孩子交给了一对假基佬夫妇
I was just named employee of the month.
我刚单位被评为本月之星
Now I can't even use my $25 Target gift card
现在我没法儿安心享用这25美金礼券
without feeling guilty.
而不受良心谴责
You are a good employee and a good person.
你是个好员工 也是好人
And, if it'll help, I'll, uh, I'll buy the gift card off you.
如果能帮忙的话 我愿意买♥♥下你手中的券
Uh, what's fair?
给你多少钱算合理
Ten? 15? Ten?
十块 十五块 十块
You know, the worst part of this is
说真的 最糟糕的是
I actually liked you guys.
我还挺喜欢你俩
I put your Christmas card on my fridge.
我把你们的圣诞卡贴在冰箱上
Now I don't even know who you are.
现在我发现我根本不了解你俩
Who are those people on my fridge?!
冰箱上冲我笑的人 谁啊这是
We're the same two people that you trusted Louis with in the first place.
我们仍是你一开始认为适合领养路易斯的最佳人选
This whole thing is a nightmare.
整件事就像一场噩梦
Do you realize I could lose my job?
你知道这会害我丢掉工作吗
I have five cats to support.
我还得养活五只猫呢
I know, and I-I feel terrible
我知道 我很抱歉
that we put you in this position.
让你陷入这种境地
Our only intent was to give a child in need a good home.
我们只想让一个无家可归的孩子过上好日子
Well, I suppose I can't fault you for that.
这点我不能说你们错
Great.
很好
So...
那就
we're done here, we get to keep Louis,
那就说定了 我们领养路易斯
and I'll give you eight bucks for the gift card.
我再用八美元买♥♥你的券
I wish it was that simple.
要是有这么简单就好啦
I just don't know what the right thing to do is.
我不知道什么才是正确的决定
Okay, well, y-you don't have to decide right now.
你不用现在就做决定
Let's, uh, let's talk about it.
我们...我们好好聊聊吧
Um, uh, can I get an appletini, uh, sugar rim, extra zest?
请来一杯苹果马丁尼 加糖粉 多放香料
You don't have to pretend to be gay anymore.
你不用再继续扮基佬了
Oh-oh, yeah, uh, right, uh, uh...
也是 你说得对
Uh, make it a mojito.
那就换成朗姆酒鸡尾酒吧
Skinny.
少放酒
So, uh, what do you say, Ms. McMartin?
麦克马丁小姐
Uh, another Chardonnay?
再来一杯夏敦埃吧
Eh, what the hell?
管他的呢
It's not like this week could get any worse.
反正这一周也不可能更倒霉了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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