好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E09
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:09 p.m.
Yeah. I guess I could break out the old headband and leg warmers.
我的确也是可以让我的头带和长筒袜重出江湖
Great. Hey, uh, since I got you here,
太好了 对了 难得你送上门
it's, uh... it's been a year since your last prostate exam.
你有一年没做前列腺检查了哦
Oh, no.
不是吧
If it makes you feel any better, you get a lollipop afterwards.
检查完会有棒棒糖吃哦 这样你会开心点吗
Well, I've done a lot more for a lot less.
为了更烂的东西 我都能更无下限了
It's like the eye of a hurricane.
这就像是台风眼一样
It's eerily quiet now, but in an hour
现在静得出奇 但是再过一小时
everything will be broken and wet.
台风眼过了后 又是破坏与大雨
Well, at least I'm not the only one who falls asleep
至少我不是唯一一个有可爱姑娘在身旁
when cute girls are around.
却还睡着的男人了
Aw. Thanks so much for having us.
谢谢你邀请我们过来
I'm very impressed with this spread.
我很意外这个摆盘
What kind of cheese is this?
这是什么起司啊
Okay, I have to confess.
我得坦白
They're Lunchables.
这是午餐便宜起司
That's the yellow cheese,
这是黄色起司
but I also have the orange and the white.
我还有橙色跟白色的
No. No, thanks. I'm gonna save room for the Fruit Roll-Up.
不用了 我还得留点肚子吃便宜糖果呢
So tell me,
告诉我
how is it that a guy like you is not already married
像你这样的男人怎么没结婚呢 老婆应该是...
to some-- I don't know-- gorgeous swimsuit model?
打个比方好了 泳装模特啊
Okay, you obviously haven't seen Alan in a Speedo.
你一定是没看过艾伦穿三角泳裤
I'm-I'm serious.
我是说认真的
You're sweet, you're good-looking, you're successful.
你很贴心 很帅气 又成功
What the hell is wrong with you?
你到底是哪里有问题
Okay. I've been told...
有人跟我说过
that I listen too much.
我倾听别人太多了
Which is a common problem
但这问题对于
among men whose penises are too large.
胯下有大雕的男人来说 是很常见的
Uh, well, I-I also have this...
我还有一个...
this teeny, tiny quirk where, uh,
小小的问题
I screw up relationships as soon as they start going well.
一旦感情开始进展顺利 就会被我搞砸
Oh. That's encouraging.
真"振奋士气"啊
Oh, oh. No, no, no. But don't worry, uh,
别别 不用担心
'cause this isn't going well at all.
因为我们进展一点都不顺利啊
Well, I'm glad to hear you say that
我很高兴听到你这么说
'cause... I was about to leave.
因为我刚才差点要走了
Mmm, okay. That-that kind of behavior
这种行为是会让你
can get you put in time-out.
被叫去一边罚站的哦
Time-outs don't work on me.
罚站对我没用
I need to be spanked.
我需要被打屁♥股♥
Looks like someone needs to be sent to my room.
看来某人应该要进我房♥间里去反省禁足哦
Wow. Look at the Lululemons on her.
看她身上那件"瑜伽裤"
Did I tell you or did I tell you?
我就跟你说吧
Yeah. Be cool, though.
别太痴汉
Getting tagged as a lurker is a hard label to shake.
被人贴上变♥态♥的标签可是很难洗清的
So I've heard.
我也是听别人说的啦
Oh, oh, check out the redhead.
你看那边的红发妞
Her shorts say "Juicy."
她的裤子上写着"多汁"[品牌]
If our garments are being honest,
如果我们的服饰要反映出内心想法
mine would say "Aroused."
那我的应该是"性奋"
Ooh, look at the blonde on the yoga ball.
看那边做瑜伽球健身的金发妞
Mmm, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...
我弹 我弹 我弹弹弹
Lyndsey?
林赛
Alan.
艾伦
How did I not recognize her?
我怎么会没认出是她
I've got to look at more faces.
我得多去看看新的面孔才行
I didn't know you were a member here.
我都不知道你也是这里的会员
Herb.
赫伯
I see they've reinstated your membership.
看来你的会员资格被复原了
The appeals process was arduous,
上诉的过程虽然辛苦
but, ultimately, justice was served.
但最后 正义还了我清白
So, uh, how's everything?
最近好吗
Good. I'm sober again.
很好啊 我戒酒了
I traded booze for exercise.
我把喝酒改成来运动
You know, whenever I want a drink, I come here instead.
只要我想喝酒了 我就来这里运动
Good thing this place is open 24 hours.
幸好这里24小时都开
Well, I'm really happy for you. You look great.
我真为你高兴 你状况看起来很棒
I also think you look great.
我也觉得你看起来很棒
In fact, as a medical professional,
其实 作为一个从医人员
my opinion is "wowza."
我的评语是"赞啊"
Thanks. Anyway, I got to go.
谢谢 我得走了
It's time for my spin class.
我的健身车课要开始了
Oh, so, uh... so you went from a-a room
所以你从天旋地转的房♥间
that was spinning to a room for spinning.
改成去一个轮胎旋转的房♥间
You know... glug, glug, glug, glug.
你懂的 喝喝喝
Anyway, great seeing you.
好啦 很高兴再见到你
I missed this.
我真"怀念"这个啊
Wow, she looks amazing.
她看起来真棒
Did you see how flat her stomach is?
你看到她小腹多平坦了吗
She's always had great abs. All that dry heaving
她的腹肌一直很棒 酒后干呕
gives you a hell of a six-pack.
练出的六块腹肌可不是盖的
So, uh, you two are over?
那... 你们俩结束了吗
Oh, yeah. You know, it's complicated with me and Walden and Louis.
算吧 毕竟我跟沃顿还有路易斯的事很复杂
Plus, you know, I don't know that
而且我也不知道
Lyndsey and I were ever really good for each other.
林赛和我到底适不适合在一起
Kind of like me and lactose.
就像我与乳糖[拉肚子]一样
That's too bad. Mmm.
太遗憾了
Mind if I take a crack at her?
你不介意我泡她吧
What?
什么
You two aren't together anymore.
你们俩都不在一起了
Maybe the cure for what ails her is a little Herb-Al essence.
也许她需要的是一点草本[赫伯]"精华"
Dude, you already married my ex-wife,
兄弟 你已经娶过我的前妻
you moved into my house, and earlier today
搬进过我的房♥子 今天早些时候
you had your finger halfway to my liver.
你的手指都伸进去到能顶到我肾了
Maybe we share enough as it is.
或许我们俩分享的事物太多了
Okay, I get it. Bro code.
行 我懂 兄弟法则嘛
Thank you.
谢谢
Just so you know, that exam was no picnic for me, either.
但我不得不说 帮你检查我也一样难受好吗
Did you hear that?
你听到了吗
I think it was the kids downstairs.
好像是孩子们在楼下的声音
What kids?
什么孩子
You're right. It was probably nothing.
你说得对 应该没事
Oh, wait. What if one of them walks in on us?
等等 要是孩子们突然闯进来怎么办
I had a hard enough time explaining where milk comes from.
我上次解释牛奶是怎么来的 已经够辛苦了
Do you want to lock the door?
你想把门锁上吗
Yes.
好啊
Oh, no, no, no.
等等 等一下
What if there's an emergency?
如果出了紧急情况怎么办
What if they need to come get us?
如果他们要找我们呢
What-what... what if there's a burglar or a fire,
如果 如果有小偷或者起火了
or a burglar who sets a fire as a distraction?
又或者是小偷纵火来转移注意力怎么办
Oh, no, no.
不行
Not on my watch!
在我眼皮底下可不能发生这种事
Oh, my God, you're adorable.
我的天 你真是可爱
But if you can't stop worrying all the time,
如果你老是担心这担心那
you're never gonna have sex again.
你永远也滚不了床单了
Oh, my God.
我的妈呀
I'm never gonna have sex again.
我永远也滚不了床单了
You're used to single-people sex.
你已经习惯了单身滚床单的方式
That's a luxurious four-course meal at a fine restaurant.
就像是顶级餐厅慢慢享用的豪华佳肴
Parent sex is a drive-through.
父母滚床单的方式更像是得来速
Get in, get out,
进去 出来
hope you don't get anything on your shirt.
不要沾到衣服上就不错了
Looks like your order just got supersized.
你的点餐刚才自动升级加大了
Walden?
沃顿
Yes! Coming! Right there!
来了 马上 马上来
Oh, God, are you okay?
天啊 你没事吧
I'm fine.
我没事
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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