好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E15
Part 4
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
你还在这儿干什么呢
Oh, I accidentally fell asleep in Zippy's room.
我不小心在废柴房♥间里睡着了
How do you accidentally fall asleep?
你怎么会不小心睡着的
You accidentally wash down your pain pills with scotch.
不小心用酒来把止痛药吞下去了
What's Fatal Attraction doing here?
"致命诱惑"在这里干啥呢
She says that Charlie is still alive.
她说查理还活着
I knew it.
我就知道
Alan,
艾伦
if you move out
如果你搬出去
and Charlie stays here with Walden,
查理和沃顿一起住这里
I believe that we can keep this going
我相信我们可以让这个剧
for another five years.
再撑个五年
Yeah, I don't think so.
我不觉得
Uh... so, uh...
那么
what exactly happened to Charlie?
查理到底发生了什么事
Yeah, start from the beginning.
从头说起
You mean from the pilot?
你是说从预播集说起吗
No, uh, what happened to my brother after you married him?
你跟他结婚后发生了什么
Well, we had a wonderful wedding,
我们的婚礼非常隆重
and then we flew to Paris for our honeymoon.
然后我们飞去巴黎度蜜月
We were so happy. So animated.
我们过得幸福又动画
We went up on the Eiffel Tower...
上至埃菲尔铁塔
and went down on the Champs-Elysees.
"下至"香榭丽舍
Afterwards, we celebrated our love
之后 我们在丽思酒店
with a romantic candlelit dinner at the Ritz.
用烛光晚餐欢庆我们的爱情
Of course, I've always known Charlie was no saint,
当然 我知道查理不是圣人
but I thought marriage would change him.
但我以为婚姻可以改变他
I was wrong.
可我错了
So wrong.
大错特错
Disturbingly wrong.
错得令人发指
I ran from the room, determined to never see him again.
我从房♥间冲出来 决定跟他彻底断绝联♥系♥
Charlie...
查理
He finally caught up with me at the train station,
他最终在火车站追上了我
but all I could think about was...
但当时我脑子里只有...
revenge.
报复
But at the last second, fate intervened.
就在最后一秒 老天爷救了他一命
So I booked us a cruise home.
于是我们坐邮轮回家
We moved in to a brand-new house in Sherman Oaks--
搬进了谢尔曼橡树地区一间全新的房♥子
the good part, south of the boulevard--
是好地段 在主路南边
where we could live as a happy couple.
我们像一对幸福的夫妻一起生活
Wait a minute.
等等
You bought a house with a dungeon?
你买♥♥了一间带地牢的房♥子吗
And a pit?
还有地洞
Of course not.
当然不是啦
I had it remodeled.
那是我改造过后的
The permit process was just a nightmare.
申请审批许可证的过程就是个恶梦
Next time, use my pit guy.
下次可以找我的地洞佬
He's the best.
他是最棒的
Continue.
继续吧
For the next four years,
接下来的四年
we were the happiest we'd ever been.
是我们在一起最幸福的时光
I'd feed him...
我喂他吃饭
bathe him...
帮他洗澡
and, of course,
当然
there was endless magical lovemaking.
还有无穷无尽的激♥情♥性♥爱♥
Then, a few days ago, the unthinkable happened.
就在几天前 意想不到的事情发生了
Somehow, he managed to make a rope
不知怎的 他用自己的保龄衬衣
out of his bowling shirts and ran away,
做了一根绳子 然后用它跑掉了
disappearing into the darkness.
消失在茫茫的黑夜中
Th-Th-Th-That's all, folks.
故事讲完啦 小伙伴们
Charlie escaped?
所以查理逃走了
Uh, no.
不
Prisoners escape.
犯人才说"逃走"
Lovers run away because they're afraid of commitment.
爱人是"跑掉" 因为害怕承诺
Any-who, I just thought I should tell you.
反正我就是觉得有必要告诉你们
You know, in case he drops by and guts you all like fish.
以防他突然登门造访 把你们统统碎尸万段
Why me? He doesn't even know me.
关我什么事 他根本不知道我这个人
Oh, I told him all about you--
我把你的一切都告诉他了
how you're richer than him, prettier than him,
你比他有钱 比他帅气
and moved into his house and carried on
还搬进了他家继续过日子
like he never existed.
就像他从不存在那样
Thank you.
真是"谢谢"你啊
Hold on, Rose.
等等 罗斯
If Charlie is alive, who's in the urn?
如果查理还活着 骨灰坛里的是谁
Oh. That's Billy.
那是比利
Who's Billy?
谁是比利
The bisexual goat
那只为你儿子
who gave his life that your son might live.
而牺牲自己性命的双性羊啊
So... so, what are we supposed to do now?
那...我们现在该怎么办
Wait a second.
等等
Are we really not gonna talk about the fact
我们真的不打算谈谈
that Charlie was having sex with a goat?
查理跟羊做♥爱♥这件事吗
Well, you didn't know Charlie.
你不了解查理
It would have been weirder if he hadn't.
他要没这么做过才奇怪呢
Well, now that you're all caught up,
现在既然你们都了解情况了
I'll say my good-byes.
我也该走了
You're leaving?
你要走了吗
Um, yeah.
当然
I'm not gonna stick around to find out
我才不会因为太爱他
what he's going to do to me just because I loved him too much.
而赖在这里等着看他要对我做的那些事
Toodles.
再见啦
Nah. That's just stupid.
算啦 那样太蠢了
No... no, no, no, no, this is ridiculous.
不不不 这太扯了
He's not gonna hurt anybody.
他不会伤害任何人
Oh, of course not.
当然不会
Rose, wait up.
罗斯 等等我
What, you're... you're leaving, too?
什么 你也要走吗
Alan, your brother wasn't very pleasant
艾伦 如果你哥哥早上没喝到咖啡
if he missed his morning coffee.
他整个人都会不爽
How do you think he's going to be
你觉得如果他四年都待在地洞里
after four years in a pit?
那该有多不爽啊
So you're just gonna bail?
所以你就这么落荒而逃吗
Uh... yep.
是的
Berta, good-bye.
波塔 再见
I never really cared for you.
我从未在乎过你
Right back at you, Red.
彼此彼此 红发女
Walden...
沃顿
I loved you like a son.
我爱你如亲生儿子
Alan...
艾伦
good luck.
自求多福
Well, I-I guess we should go, too.
我觉得我们也该离开这
Hold on.
等等
We're not really gonna run
我们不能因为一个疯女人的故事
'cause of some crazy woman's story
和几条模棱两可的威胁短♥信♥
and some vague text threats.
就吓得离开这儿吧
Okay, this one's a little more specific.
好吧 这条短♥信♥写得更具体
What does it say?
写什么
"You despicable troll.
"你这个卑鄙的巨魔
You thought you could replace my ninja awesomeness,
你以为你可以取代我忍♥者般牛逼的形象吗
You lame clown?
你这个废物小丑
I will deploy my army of assassins to destroy you.
我会派出我的刺客军队毁了你
I will bring my bayonets of truth
我会带上我真理的刺刀
to the hexagon of death,
死亡六角手里剑
where I will carve my initials into your reptilian skull
我要把我名字的首字母刻上你虚伪的头骨
and cover you in tiger's blood."
让你倒在老虎的血泊中"
Hard to believe he wrote children's songs, isn't it?
难以想象他居然能写出欢快的儿歌♥ 对吧
Yeah, we're gonna need some help.
是啊 我们得寻求帮助
Yeah, we're gonna need a lot of help.
是啊 我们需要寻求大大的帮助
Here, try these.
给 试试这个
They won't keep him from hurting you,
这虽然不能阻止他伤害你们
but they will keep you from feeling it.
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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