好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E09
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:09 p.m.
Previously on Two and a Half Men...
《好汉两个半》前情提要
I'm not gay. Does Alan know?
我不是同性恋 艾伦知道吗
Can we kiss again? Yeah.
我们可以继续亲了吗 好
Do you want to go up to my... Let's go.
但你愿不愿意跟我上楼... 走
Walden, can you come here?
沃顿 你能过来吗
It's fine. I-I've waited for two years.
没事 我都等两年了
I can wait a little bit longer.
不在乎多等一会儿
Walden?
沃顿
Parenting rule number four: sleep is better than sex.
家长准则第四条 睡觉比上♥床♥好
All right, Louis,
好了 路易斯
let's go over the rules again.
我们再说一遍规矩
We don't talk to strangers.
不跟陌生人说话
Don't climb the rock wall alone.
不自己去攀岩
And?
还有呢
We don't eat anything we find in the ball pit.
不许吃在海洋球池里捡的东西
All right, now, go have fun.
好啦 去吧 玩开心点
All right, Alan,
来吧 艾伦
let's go over your rules.
来过一遍你的规矩
Uh, if I find a wallet, I have to turn it in.
如果捡到皮包 必须上交归还
Uh, no haggling over the corn dog prices.
不许跟小吃摊贩杀价
And?
还有呢
No standing underneath the moms
不许站在攀岩墙下
on the rock wall. The rock wall. Yes.
盯着别家妈妈 墙下盯人家
Oh, great. What?
这下好了 怎么了
Laurel's here.
罗洛儿来了
So go talk to her.
那去跟人家说话啊
What am I supposed to say? "I'm sorry about our date.
说什么啊 "上次约会对不起了
It's just that I prefer sleeping with a six-year-old kid
只是我宁愿跟六岁的孩子一起睡
to sleeping with you."
也不跟你睡"
Oh, oh, it's okay. I'm-I'm talking about my own son.
没事的 我是在说自己的儿子
You know, maybe I'll just avoid her.
我还是回避她吧
If I wanted to avoid every woman I ever embarrassed myself in front of,
如果我要回避每一个在她们面前丢过脸的女人
I'd never leave the house.
那我这辈子都出不了门
I'd even have to steer clear of the UPS lady.
连快递小姐来了我都得闪边
She looked in the window and caught me...
因为她从窗外看到了我在屋里...
handling my own package.
"处理自己裆中包裹"
You know, it's not the things that you do,
其实不见得是你做的事有问题
so much as the way that you say them.
你事情的方式才是最大问题
No, no.
不对不对
It-It's also the things that you do.
你做的事本身就很有问题
Okay, you know, I just wish there was a way to, like,
我只是希望能有一种方法
jump over the awkwardness
可以直接跳过尴尬期
and get right into the conversation with her.
回到跟她有说有笑的阶段
You know what, I think I can... I can help you with that.
我应该有方法可以帮到你哦
Laurel!
罗洛儿
Look who's here! And awake!
你看谁来了 没在睡觉哦
Hey, guys.
你们好啊
I'll, uh... I'll leave you two lovebirds alone.
我就不打扰你们这对小情人了
I'm gonna go check on Louis.
我要去看一下路易斯
Hey, remember how we used to have to pretend to be gay?
还记得我们以前还得假装是同性恋夫妇吗
Crazy, right?
太疯狂了 对吧
I'm sorry I didn't call.
抱歉我没打给你
And I'm-I'm sorry
同时也很抱歉
I fell asleep instead of having sex with you. I...
我睡着了 而没去跟你做♥爱♥
Will you stop walking by?
你可以别再路过了吗
I really am sorry.
我真的很抱歉
I'm not mad.
我没有生气啊
Though you are now in my phone as Rip Van Walden.
只是我现在手♥机♥里 你的名字是"周公沃顿"
I'm sorry, what was that? I just nodded off.
抱歉 你刚说什么了 我刚才睡着了
So, what you been up to?
最近好吗
Oh, you know, not much. Just...
没啥特别的
training for a marathon,
就练习跑马拉松
developing an international photo sharing app,
开♥发♥一个国际化照片分享手♥机♥软件
and I'm writing a young adult novel.
以及写一本青年小说
Wow. Really?
真的吗
No, I have a six-year-old.
我有个六岁的孩子
All I do is come here and eat food on a stick.
我整天就是来这里以及吃棒子上的食物
Well, do you want to... maybe...
你想不想...再带小孩...
schedule another playdate?
来家里玩一次吗
I would love that.
我当然想啊
I mean, Lily would love that. Oh.
我的意思是莉莉会很想
Louis would also love it.
路易斯也会很想
Imagine all the... games that they would play together.
想象一下 他们一起玩各式各样的"游戏"
Yeah. And all the, uh, toys they would play with.
以及他们一起玩的各种"玩具"
Toys? I-I hope none of them are...
玩具吗 我只希望里面没有
a choking hazard.
会噎到喉咙的东西
Wouldn't matter to me.
像我就不怕这个
I don't have a gag reflex.
我喉咙被"顶"到不会反胃
Morning.
早安
How's the neck?
脖子还好吗
Not good.
不好
Yeah. Well, I told you not to stand under
我跟你说了别站在攀岩的
that mom on the rock wall.
那个妈妈下面看人家
That's why we have rules!
这就是为什么要订规矩
Yeah, well, wearing underwear on the rock wall
攀岩的时候要穿内♥裤♥
should be one of those.
也应该在规矩里
Hey, Louis, are you excited about your playdate with Lily?
路易斯 能跟莉莉玩 你兴奋吗
I guess.
大概吧
"I guess."
"大概吧"
You got a cute girl coming over here.
有个可爱的小姑娘要过来
You should be popping in the...
你应该去把
Kidz Bop Slow Jamz
儿童慢歌♥播放起来
and putting some Sunny D on ice.
然后倒杯加冰的果汁啊
Do I have to share my Legos with her?
我得跟她分享我的乐高吗
Of course not. It's a playdate. You're not marrying her.
当然不用 只是来一起玩 又不是要结婚
Alan.
艾伦
Yes, we should share everything we can--
当然要啊 我们应该分享一切能分享的事物
our toys, our books, our...
我们的玩具 我们的书 我们的...
sausage links.
香肠
If I could move my neck,
如果我的脖子能动
I'd give you such a look right now.
我绝对会给你"好脸色"看
The lesson is that we should all share.
这是要教我们要懂得分享
Okay. I got to poop.
好吧 我要去上大号♥
Whoa! Whoa, what are you doing?
等等 你这是干嘛
Sharing.
分享
No. No, that's taking!
不 不 这是白拿
That's my job in this house!
这本来是我在家该干的事
So what's the deal?
所以是怎么了
Pinched nerve? Slipped disk?
神经压♥迫♥ 颈椎突出
The official diagnosis? You're old.
想听正式的诊断结果吗 你老了
Very funny. I'd like a second opinion.
真会开玩笑 我要听别人说
All right, you're also out of shape.
好啦 你是身材走样了
Come on, I'm in decent shape for my age.
屁咧 我这身材算保持得很好了
Look, Alan, when you get to be our age,
艾伦 到了我们这把年纪
you get a little more fragile.
人会变得比较脆弱
You-you don't bounce back as easily.
身体复原没有这么容易
The only thing that bounces back is that belly when I poke it.
唯一会立刻复原的是按下去的小肚腩
Stop it.
别闹了
I used to be in the same boat as you.
我以前也曾经像你一样
Then I found this awesome new gym,
直到后来我发现一家超棒的健身房♥
put myself on a regular workout program.
加入了规律的训练项目
Now I'm in the best shape of my life.
我现在的身材达到了人生巅峰
Surprised you didn't notice.
真惊讶你居然没发现
Oh. Oh, yeah. You, uh... you look great.
有啊 你看起来很棒
It's too late, Alan. The damage has been done.
晚了 艾伦 伤过的心你修不回
You should come down and work out with me.
你应该跟我一起去健身
It's, uh, nothing but hot women in yoga pants
目不暇接的瑜伽裤辣妹
as far as the eye can see.
看都看不完
Sure, it's a little creepy if you look right at 'em,
当然直勾勾地盯着人家 的确是有些变♥态♥
but, uh, there are mirrors everywhere.
不过健身房♥到处都是镜子
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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