好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E15
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
第15~16集
Charlie lived life to its fullest
查理这一生过得非常充实
and-and gave it everything he had.
并把自己拥有的一切分享给大家
Gave me herpes.
分给我疱疹
Vaginal warts.
尖锐湿疣
He used my panties to make tea.
他还用我的内♥裤♥泡茶
My point is, um,
我的意思是
that Charlie lived life on his own terms.
查理这一生随心所欲
Blah, blah, blah. Why can't we see the body?
废话真多 为什么不给我们看遗体
Charlie Harper was the love of my life
查理·哈勃是我一生挚爱
and a wonderful, wonderful man.
也是一位非常棒的男人
He slipped on the Metro platform
他不小心滑倒掉下月台
and fell in front of an oncoming train.
撞上了飞驰而来的火车
His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat.
他的身体如同肉馅气球一样炸开
I know what you said you wanted, but...
虽然你说过这是你的心愿
I really don't think Pamela Anderson will agree
但我觉得帕米拉·安德森[艳星]不会同意
to swallow your ashes.
吞下你的骨灰的
I ain't cleaning him up.
别指望我会收拾
** Imagine me and you, I do *
* 想象我和你 我愿意
** I think about you day and night *
* 日日夜夜都想着你
** It's only right *
* 这感觉才对
** To think about the boy you love *
* 想着你爱的男孩子
** And hold him tight *
* 将他抱紧
** So happy together *
* 幸福在一起
** So how is the weather *
* 天气好不好
Lunchtime.
午饭时间到
Here you go.
给你
Tuna on toast...
金枪鱼吐司
with vodka.
还有伏特加
Oh, don't give me that look.
别这么看我
It needs to eat.
人总得吃饭啊
Oh, is it sulking?
生气了吗
Well, if it doesn't eat,
要是不乖乖吃饭
it gets the hose.
可是要被水淋的哦
That's better.
乖多了
And pick up the napkin.
把餐巾纸捡起来
Just because it lives in a pit,
不能因为住在圈里
it doesn't have to live like an animal.
就真活成猪了
Thank you.
谢谢
And after it eats,
吃完以后
it changes its clothes.
该换衣服了
Got any good mail?
收到什么好信了吗
Uh, let's see. Uh, electric bill,
我看看 电费单子
cable bill, water bill. Here you go.
有线费单子 水费单子 给你
Do you ever experience shame?
你有没有感到过羞愧
Uh, shame is a rich man's emotion.
富人才论羞愧
I can barely afford embarrassment.
我穷得都尴尬不起了
Something for Charlie.
有查理的信
I-I told you to cancel his subscription
我不是跟你说了把每月订购的
to the Sex Toy of the Month Club.
性♥爱♥玩具去取消掉吗
Oh, can't. He paid for life.
取消不掉 他买♥♥了终身制
And, uh, January was butt plug month.
而且一月是菊花塞月
Oh. Oh, it's, uh... it's from his music publisher.
这个是他音乐出版公♥司♥邮的
You okay?
你还好吗
I'm-I'm... I'm not sure.
我不确定啊
Look.
看
"Dear Mr. Harper:
亲爱的哈勃先生
"We are holding unclaimed music royalties for you
我们现持有您尚未认领的音乐版税
in the amount of $2.5 million."
总计两百五十万美元
Looks like those children's records he made
看来他的儿歌♥专辑
are still making money.
还在盈利
Uh, say the number again.
再说一遍数字
$2.5 million.
两百五十万
Apparently, it's been stacking up since he died.
看来他死以后就一直在累积
Like the butt plugs.
跟菊花塞一样
Alan, you do realize that money
艾伦 你知道这些钱
will go to his next of kin.
是要给他的最近血亲的吧
Uh, yeah. That's me.
知道 就是我
Why do think I keep going...
不然你以为我为什么一直...
What about your mother and his daughter?
你母亲和她女儿呢
Oh, you're serious.
你认真的啊
Alan, you can't keep that kind of money secret from them.
艾伦 你不能瞒着她们留下这笔钱
Why not? I kept from you
为什么不能 我还瞒着你
that I used your Tesla to drive for Uber.
用你的特斯拉车出去拉出租车活呢
Hello. Yes, I-I just received a notice
你好 我刚收到一个通知
of unclaimed royalties for Charlie Harper
说有查理·哈勃未认领的版税
that I would like to claim.
我想把它认领了
Oh, oh, yeah, sure, I'll hold.
当然 我可以等
What are you doing? Uh, claiming.
你在干嘛 认领中
Uh, yes, yes. Hi.
对 对 你好
Uh, I am, uh, Alan Harper.
我是艾伦·哈勃
Uh, I'm Charlie Harper's next of kin.
我是查理·哈勃的最近血亲
Yes, uh, uh, sadly, he-he passed away four years ago.
对 很遗憾他已在数年前去世了
Yes, I-I am sorry, too.
是的 我也很难过
Uh, he's irreplaceable.
他是无可取代的
Uh, anyway, um...
总之...
I guess you can just, you know, send me the check and...
您可以把...支票直接寄给我...
Uh, death certificate?
死亡证明
Uh, o-okay, uh, is that...
好的
is that necessary to get the money?
领钱必须提供死亡证明吗
Okay. Uh, how about, uh, you send me the check,
好的 要不你把支票寄给我
I'll send you the death certificate?
然后我把死亡证明寄给你呢
Or we can do it your way.
按你的办法来也行
And by the way, um, uh, when you give me the money,
顺便问一句 你们把钱给我的时候
do you notify the IRS, or is that my responsibility?
是你们通知国税局 还是由我来
Mine! Perfect.
我来 太完美了
Uh, bye-bye.
再见
Our divorce is final, right?
我们离婚都办完了 对吧
Alan, I neither want nor need your money.
艾伦 我不想要也不需要你的钱
Oh, I know that, uh,
我知道
but could you say that again on camera?
你能不能对着镜头重复一遍
O-Okay, okay.
行了
You don't have the death certificate, do you?
你没有死亡证明 对不对
No, but I'm sure my mom does.
没有 但我肯定我妈有
How are you going to get it from her
你要怎么在不告知她这笔钱的情况下
without telling her about the money?
要到这个死亡证明呢
Uh, remember four years ago
记得四年前
how I told you I'd only be here for a few days?
我是怎么告诉你 我只在这住几天的吗
I think I can figure it out.
我应该可以想出办法的
I can't wait for this to be over.
我等不及赶快完结了
Well, this is a surprise.
真是意外
You visit so seldom.
你可是稀客
I know. I know.
我知道 我知道
I need to do it more.
我应该多来的
I wasn't complaining.
我不是在抱怨
So, how have you been?
你最近怎么样了
Well, uh, uh, it's funny you should ask.
你问起来也巧
Um, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.
我最近想了很多
I'm not giving you a penny.
我一分钱都不会给你
I, uh... I didn't come for money.
我不是来要钱的
Or a place to live or a car.
也不给你地方住 更不给车
Or affection or nurturing. I get it.
也没有关爱和养育 我懂
Uh, uh, I was thinking.
我只是在想
You know, um, well, maybe it's my age, but, uh,
也许是我到这个年龄了
I'm starting to reflect on the big questions.
开始思考一些大问题
You know, what's... what's it all about?
比如说 我们这是为了什么啊
Uh, why are we here?
我们为什么在这里
What happens when we die?
我们死后会怎样
I know what happens when I die.
我知道我死后会怎样
You get nothing.
你屁都得不到
Mom, I-I told you, I did not come here...
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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