好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E11
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
Oh, oh, I get it. Say no more.
哦 我懂了 不必多说
Thank you.
多谢理解
You can just drop me off on your way.
那你半路放我下车就好啦
Mmm, what do you want for dinner?
你晚餐想吃什么
I don't know.
不知道
Who thinks about dinner
早餐都没咽下去
when you're still swallowing your breakfast?
谁顾得上想晚上吃啥
I'll have hot dogs.
我要吃热狗
Where are you going?
你要去哪里
I'm gonna do something to help me run faster.
我要拉掉妨碍我跑得更快的屎
Hey, fellas, the new guy's here.
各位 新成员来了
Hey, you going to spin class, sweetie?
你要去练动感单车吗 宝贝
Yep. See you later.
是的 回见
Hey, I'm Rick. Hey, Walden.
我是里克 我是沃顿
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
很高兴见到你 幸会
Your daughter is very nice.
你女儿人真好
Yes, she is, but that was my wife.
这话不假 但那位是我的老婆
My daughter's 40.
我女儿都40岁了
That's way too old for me.
对我来说 年纪太大了
This is Leo, and that's Jack.
这位是里奥 那位是杰克
Hi. Hey, nice to meet you.
你好 很高兴认识你
That's, uh, Brian over there.
那边躺着的是布莱恩
Just had newborn twins, so he just comes here to sleep.
他的双胞胎刚降生 所以他是过来睡觉的
Yeah, you could fart in his face, he won't even wake up.
没错 就算你冲着他的脸放屁都弄不醒他
Here you go. Oh, thank you.
给 谢谢
This place is amazing.
这地方太酷了
You got a bar, and the pool table, and the TVs.
这里有吧台 桌球台还有电视机
You just add some hot chicks, orange paint and an owl,
只需加几个辣妹 弄点橙色油漆和一只猫头鹰
and you got a Hooters.
这里就是猫头鹰餐厅啦
Maybe Heidi can serve us beers when she gets back.
或许等海蒂健身回来 可以给我们倒啤酒
Why not? That's what she was doing when I met her.
可以啊 我当时认识她时 她就是干这个的
So, uh, what's your kid situation?
来 说说你家的孩子吧
Uh, I got a boy.
我家是个男孩
Uh, his name's Louis.
他叫路易斯
He's six.
今年六岁
He likes Minecraft and Legos, and...
他喜欢玩《我的世界》网游和乐高积木
apparently twice as much cheese as what doctor's recommand.
显然他吃芝士的量比医生建议的要多两倍
Nice. I got three daughters.
不错嘛 我有三个女儿
I always wanted a son, so, uh, we adopted Josh.
我一直想要个儿子 所以我收养了乔什
Now I got half a girl's volleyball team
现在我有半支女子排球队
and a boy who wants to be their cheerleader.
和一个想当她们啦啦队队长的儿子
But I love him-- no judgment.
但我爱他 所以我没意见
My wife and I adopted a four-year-old girl, Micah.
我和我老婆收养了一个四岁的小女孩 叫麦卡
I also do alarm systems, in case you're in the market.
我还是卖♥♥报♥警♥装置的 如果你有需求的话
Give me your contact info,
把你的联♥系♥方式给我
I'll put you down on my weekly e-mail blast.
我把你加到我的每周精选电邮名单里
All the guys get it.
他们都有
Mark as spam.
标记垃圾邮件就好
That is funny.
真有意思
Jack's alarm code is #227.
杰克家报♥警♥系统的密♥码♥是#227
I got three grown kids from my first marriage,
我第一段婚姻有三个小孩 他们都长大成人了
and Heidi and I just adopted a seven-year-old girl.
我和海蒂刚收养了一个七岁的小女孩
You must really love kids.
你肯定超级爱孩子
Kids are fine. What I love is Heidi.
一般般啦 我爱的是海蒂
You saw her.
你也看见她啦
When I was in college,
我念大学的时候
her mother was in sixth grade.
她妈妈刚上六年级
And if you think about it,
如果你仔细琢磨会发现
my next wife isn't even born yet.
我下一任老婆现在还没出生呢
So, uh, why did you and your wife choose to adopt?
话说你和你老婆为什么选择领养
My wife is incapable of having children.
因为我的老婆不能生孩子
Yeah, his name is Alan.
还有 他的名字叫艾伦
A-Although, uh,
虽然...
he did order boner pills from China once that made him lactate.
他曾经从中国买♥♥过害他分泌乳汁的壮♥阳♥药♥
So, anything going on with Louis?
那收养路易斯有遇到什么问题吗
Yeah, you know, I have a couple questions
有 我正好有几个问题
that-that you're the perfect person to answer.
而你回答问题的最佳人选
Why is that?
此话怎讲
'Cause I'm handsome? Charming? College graduate?
因为我长得帅气迷人 大学毕业吗
Top home security specialist in the South Bay three years running?
连续三年获得南湾最佳家庭安保专家吗
Yes, that...
是的
Louis is also all those things.
这些优点路易斯全有
I'm just messing with you!
跟你开玩笑的啦
Yeah.
真的
Ms. McMartin told us your kid was mixed-race.
麦克马丁小姐告诉我们 你的孩子是混血儿
So what do you want to know?
你想知道什么
Uh, do you want to know how to comb his hair?
你想知道怎么帮他梳头发吗
Uh, what type of music to expose him to?
该让他接触哪种类型的音乐
Do I need to teach him a cool handshake?
用我教他怎么酷酷地握手吗
So that's-that's actually a thing?
所以这真算回事儿 对吧
Yeah, yeah. Here, let me show you, let me show you.
真的啊 来 我示范给你看
That is cool.
还真酷
And you just did it
你跟我握手
to hand me your business card.
是为了把名片塞给我
Yeah. If you tell me that I sent you,
是的 如果你告诉我是我介绍来的
then you get 20% off.
可以给你打八折哦
By the way, have you seen my wife?
对了 你见过我老婆了吗
Hey, uh, thanks for having me.
谢谢你们让我加入
You know, this is great. I-I don't think I knew it,
这感觉太棒了 虽然我从不知道有
but I needed a place like this.
但我很需要这样的一个地方
You mean a place to get away from our wives?
你是说可以远离我们老婆的地方吗
Preach!
懂你
Wait, why do you need a place? You're married to a guy.
慢着 你为什么需要逃离 你可是跟男人结婚啊
Your only problem is, do I watch SportsCenter before,
你唯一的问题是 是在做♥爱♥前看体育节目
during or after sex?
还是边做边做 或做完再看
Uh, actually, it's-it's a little more complicated than that.
老实说 情况远比表面上复杂
What do you mean?
什么意思
I mean, well, imagine...
我是说 想象一下
all of the wife and none of the sex.
老婆该有的问题都有 就是没有性生活
Yeah, we don't need to imagine. We're married, too.
不需要想象 我们也是深受其害的已婚人士
I don't know what you guys are talking about.
我不知道你们在说什么
I get all the sex I can handle.
只有我能承受得了 多少性生活都有
Which, at my age, is about once a month.
当然在我这个年纪 也就一个月一次吧
Can-can I share something that doesn't leave this room?
我能跟你们分享个秘密 但别说出去吗
Yeah, sure.
当然可以
Oh, these guys know that back when I was single...
他们知道我单身的时候
I used to bang his sister.
睡过他的妹妹
Okay, here's the thing.
好的 事情是这样的
I'm not gay.
我不是同性恋
I-I married my best friend
我跟我最好的朋友结婚
so I could adopt Louis.
是为了领养路易斯
Really?
真的吗
Then you shouldn't have any of these problems.
那你们相处不应该有任何夫妻问题啊
And yet I have all of these problems.
而我现在却拥有所有这些夫妻问题
I mean, that's why it's so great coming here.
所以能来这里 我感觉很棒
I get to get away from Alan.
这样我就可以摆脱艾伦
I mean, he wants to do everything with me.
我是说 他干什么事都想黏着我
He ordered a Groupon for two-for-one prostate exams.
他甚至团购了一个买♥♥♥一♥送♥一♥的前列腺检查劵
Oh, yeah. My wife just bought golf clubs
有 我老婆买♥♥了几根高尔夫球杆
so she could ruin golf for me.
好毁了我对高尔夫球的兴趣
My wife's outside waiting in the minivan.
我老婆还在外面小货车里等着我呢
Yeah, even I have to get away from Heidi every now and then.
就连我也常常不得不躲开海蒂
Do you know what the worst "Wife" thing is?
你知道"老婆"最可怕的是什么吗
When you forget to ask them, "How was your day?"
就是当你忘了问"今天过得怎样啊"
Oh. No, no,
对 错
the worst thing is when you ask Alan,
最可怕的是当你问艾伦
"How was your day?" and he answers.
"今天过得怎样啊"然后他开始回答你
You know, it's funny-- I-I always thought
有意思 我还以为
being married to a guy would be different.
娶个男老婆会有什么不同呢
In some ways, it is. I mean, uh... for example,
有些方面是不太一样 比如
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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