好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E10
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
Previously on Two and a Half Men...
《好汉两个半》前情提要
Yeah, I see hundreds of potential parents,
我看过无数家长候选人
but you two are different somehow.
但你们两个挺不同的
I know we can be good parents.
我知道我们会是好家长
It is my job to be a hundred percent sure
我的工作就是百分百确保
before I place a child.
给孩子找到好的家
We are not believable as a loving couple,
人家不能相信我们是恩爱夫妻
and I think that's why Ms. McMartin wasn't sure about us.
所以我觉得麦克马丁小姐对我们有疑虑
All right, yeah.
好吧
We do that in front of Ms. McMartin, we'll get ten babies.
我们在麦克马丁小姐面前这么做 领养十个都行
Whew, that was fun. Whew.
真有意思
That was like a roller coaster.
感觉像坐过山车一样
Yeah, we went up, we went down.
我们上上下下
There was the loop-de-loop.
天旋地转
Yeah, they-they say you want to sit in the front,
人家还说"前面"好
but I had a great time in the back.
但我在"后面"也玩得很高兴
Yeah, you know, I'm not sure about that picture
我觉得我们最后拍的照片
we took at the end.
不是太好
I think I was making a funny face.
我好像扮鬼脸了
Yeah.
是啊
Hey, have you ever gotten busy in a public place,
你试过在公共场合"刺♥激♥"过吗
like a theme park, before?
比如在主题乐园
I mean, uh, there was one time in the Chicago airport.
有过一次是在芝加哥机场
I met this girl on a long layover.
我遇到了一个转机等很久的姑娘
Let's just say my bag was never left unattended.
我的"行李"中间一直有人"照料"
What about you?
你呢
Well, if you get me a hot cup of coffee,
如果你给我杯热咖啡
I'll, uh, tell you about my high school trip to Mount Rushmore.
我就告诉你我高中旅行去拉什莫尔山的事
Okay, please tell me it doesn't involve four old guys
别告诉我跟四个老头在山顶上[前总统们]
on top of a mountain.
有关联
I went to an all-girls school.
我当年是女子学校哦
Coffee, coming up!
咖啡 马上来
Okay, I don't know what was going on up there with Laurel, but...
我不知道你跟罗洛儿在上面干嘛 但...
Rich, handsome and a master of the boudoir.
有钱 有脸蛋 床上一条龙
You're everything I think I am when I'm drunk.
我喝醉酒后也觉得自己是这样
What can I say?
我能说啥
I got a magical tongue, and I can breathe through my ears.
我有根魔力之舌 还能从耳朵呼吸
Were you just sitting down here, listening to Laurel and me?
你不会是就这么坐在楼下 听我跟她搞吧
No, that would be sad.
不会 那也太可悲了
I was also couponing.
我边听边搜集折价卷
How's my favorite couple?
我最爱的夫妻怎么样啦
My bros without hos.
我见友忘色的好友们
Ms. McMartin, uh...
麦克马丁小姐
What are you doing here?
你怎么来了
Well, I told you guys the state requires
我跟你们说过州法律规定
a couple surprise inspections to check in on Louis's home life.
我得惊喜检查几次小孩的生活情况
Surprise!
惊喜
I am definitely surprised.
我绝对是又惊又喜啊
Clearly... Captain Underpants.
一看就知道啊 内♥裤♥队长
Right, yeah, well, I wasn't expect...
我没想到你会...
You know, Louis isn't here; he's actually, he's at a sleepover.
路易斯今天不在 他去朋友家过夜了
So, I guess you came all this way to see me in my Skivvies.
所以我猜你这趟来就只能看我穿小裤裤了
Worth the trip in my book.
要我就觉得值得
Instagram.
照片分享
he's bringing booty back.
标签是 他把屁屁带回潮流
Thanks, honey.
谢谢你 宝贝
Uh, well, it was, uh, it was good to see you.
很高兴见到你
Oh, actually, I can just talk to you guys.
其实我可以只跟你们聊聊
Great, even better.
棒啊 这样更好
Come on in.
请进
Uh, you know, I'm gonna run upstairs
容我失陪上楼一下
and put on some pants.
穿上我的裤子
Walden?
沃顿
Who was that?
谁
Oh, that was my pants.
我的裤子
Here I come, pants!
裤子 我来啦
Stay there!
等等我
What are you talking about?
你在说什么
Oh, hi. Sorry.
你好 抱歉了
What's going on?
这是怎么回事
You're cheating on me?!
你居然劈我腿
I want half!
我要一半家产
You lied to me.
你们居然骗我
I never would have placed Louis here had I known
如果我之前就知道你们不是真夫妇
you guys weren't actually a couple.
我一定不会把路易斯交给你们
I can explain. Oh, go ahead, I'd love to hear it.
我能解释 请说 我很愿意听
She's my sister.
她是我姐
Where was that five minutes ago?
我五分钟前怎么没想到
There's no explanation for what you did.
你们的所作所为没有合理解释
I may have to remove Louis.
我可能得把路易斯带走呢
Okay, I-I know this looks bad,
我知道这看起来很糟
but our hearts were in the right place.
但我们的是心是对的
Yeah, even if our penises weren't.
虽然我们的鸡鸡进去的地方错了
Th-The only thing that we're guilty of
我们唯一做错的事
is putting on a little show.
只是演了一场戏
A little show?
一场戏
Every time I see this one, he acts like he's auditioning
每次我见到他 他都是一副想要面试
to host the Tonys.
当基佬最爱的剧场奖主持人
N-No, that's just Alan.
不不不 那是艾伦的本性
Yeah, I-it's true.
这是真的
Uh, name any musical, anybody.
你随便说一部音乐剧 随便一个角色
Okay, uh, West Side Story.
《西区故事》
** I like to be in America. Okay by me in America. *
*我喜欢在美国 我愿意在美国
* Everything free in America... * Okay, stop.
* 美国的东西都是免费的 * 好了 够了
Well, excuse me, Officer Krupke.
抱歉啊 警官[剧中角色]
Listen, we may not be gay,
听我解释 虽然我们不是基
but we are definitely a stable couple.
但我们绝对是很稳定的一对
Yeah, until the adoption is final,
领养手续一旦结束
and then you'll, what, get divorced?
然后怎么着 离婚吗
Are you kidding me?
你开玩笑嘛
If this one has his way,
如果这货有办法
he's gonna be with me for the rest of my life.
他绝对会赖着我一辈子
Longer.
不只
I bought us side-by-side cemetery plots.
我买♥♥了跟你一起合葬的墓穴
No, he's not kidding.
你看 他是说真的
And he gave it to me for my birthday,
他在我生日时送给我
and I pretended to like it,
我还得假装很喜欢
because that's what loving couples do.
因为恩爱的夫妻都是这样的
You pretended to like it?
你假装很喜欢吗
See that? See, that's real.
你看 你看 他是真的不爽
And I'm gonna hear about it for the rest of the night.
而且他会念叨个一整晚没完
Y-You want to take Louis away from us
你想把路易斯从我们身边带走
just because we don't have sex?
就因为我们不做♥爱♥吗
I mean, I can honestly tell you
我能老实告诉你
that we have as much sex as I had
这段婚姻我得到的性♥爱♥次数
in either of my previous marriages.
跟我前两段婚姻是一样的
None of that matters.
这些不重要
N-No, of course it matters.
不 当然重要啦
Because we're not lying.
因为我们没有说谎
We are best friends, and we are married.
我们是最好的朋友 我们真结婚了
And we do love each other.
而且我们真的爱对方
And I'm sorry, but just, you know,
抱歉 但话说回来
how many people can say that they are married to their best friend?
有多少人敢说他们会和最好的朋友结婚呢
Alan Harper-Schmidt can.
艾伦·哈勃·施密特就可以
My job is to do what's in the best interest of the child.
我的工作就是保障孩子们的利益
Now I have to reevaluate what that is.
看来我得重新评估你们"两口子"了
But him living here...
不过他在这儿过得...
No, I don't want to hear anything else from you guys.
我可不想再听任何关于你们的事
I'll be in touch.
再联♥系♥
I can't lose this kid.
我不能失去这孩子
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
剧集 | 好汉两个半（2003） | 导航列表