好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E14
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
Well, right now there's a range of things.
目前我列了一张愿望单子
A new computer, a real bed,
一台新电脑 一张真床
um, $10,000 to my favorite charity...
向我最喜欢的慈善机构捐款10万
Wow, that's very generous.
哇 真是大方呀
That was just in case somebody else saw my list.
这是以防有人看到我的单子 装好心的
Don't you think it should be something that lasts for a while,
你不觉得你的愿望应该是能维持下去
something that sets you up for the future?
能为你的未来做准备吗
Uh, number five, penis enlargement.
有啊 第五条 鸡鸡增大术
Just promise me you'll pick something practical.
答应我 你会选一个实际点的愿望
Right. Right. Practical. Got to think practical.
对哦 实际 我要想个实际点的
Hey, um, if you had the right kind of saddle,
话说如果你有正确的鞍
could you ride a giant panda?
能否骑一头大熊猫呢
Don't peek. I want it to be a surprise.
别偷看 我要给你个惊喜
Please don't be a panda.
千万别是熊猫
Please don't be a panda.
千万别是熊猫
It's not a panda. But that would be awesome.
不是熊猫 但如果是熊猫该有多屌♥
Can you ride a panda?
能骑熊猫吗
I wish. Apparently it's animal cruelty.
我倒想咧 但貌似那算虐待动物
PETA ruins everything.
善待动物组织真扫兴
Can I uncover my eyes?
我可以把手拿开了吗
Uh, ooh, one second.
等一秒钟
Is he getting naked?
他要脱♥光♥光吗
If he was, I'd be covering my eyes.
如果是这样 我会把自己眼睛挡住
Okay, open your eyes.
好了 睁开眼
What do you think?
你觉得怎么样
I think he should've gotten the penis enlargement.
我觉得他还不如选鸡鸡增大术
This thing must have cost a fortune.
这台车一定很贵吧
Oh, it's not as expensive as you think.
没有你想象中那么贵啦
Plus, I traded in my Volvo.
再说了 我拿我的沃尔沃折价了
Yeah, it paid for his first tank of gas.
是呀 那钱够他加这台车的第一缸油
You had one wish and this is what you asked for?
你只有一个愿望 而你就要了这玩意儿
Yeah.
是啊
Five people flipped me off on the way home.
在回家的路上 有五个人对我竖中指
It was awesome.
那感觉太棒了
Oh, plus, you won't have to explain
再说了 你再也不必跟朋友们
your relationship to your friends anymore.
解释你和艾伦为什么在一起了
They all ask, "What are you doing with Alan?"
他们都会问 "你怎么会跟艾伦这种人在一起"
But nobody asks,
但没人会问
"What are you doing with the guy in the Ferrari?"
"你怎么会跟开法拉利的人在一起"
Oh, wow.
哇哦
Sweet ride, Walden.
好拉风的车呀 沃顿
Finally a car as pretty as you are.
终于买♥♥了一辆跟你一样美的车了
It's actually mine.
那车其实是我的
There is no God.
老天真没眼
Alan, we talked about this.
艾伦 我们不是说过了吗
I thought you were gonna get something practical.
我以为你会要点实际的东西
I thought so, too.
我也是这么想的
But Michael Caine is out of the country shooting a movie,
但迈克尔·凯恩出国拍电影了
so here we are.
所以只能要这个了
Couldn't you have talked some sense into him?
你怎么就不劝劝他呢
I told him to get whatever he wants.
我跟他说想要什么都行
Don't hate the genie, hate the wish.
不要怪精灵 要怪就怪那个愿望
Right now I hate the idiot who wasted it on a Ferrari.
现在我只怪那个把愿望浪费在法拉利上的蠢货
Lyndsey, w-wait, wait. We can take it for a spin.
林赛 等等 我们可以开车去兜风嘛
I'll let you drive!
我让你开好啦
Not a chance.
门都没有
What the hell? I really thought she was gonna like it.
搞什么 我以为她会很喜欢呢
I know. Me, too.
就是啊 我也以为
Hey, Berta, uh, if you had one wish, what would you get?
波塔 如果可以实现一个愿望 你会想要什么
Have you signed the divorce papers yet?
你签了离婚协议书了吗
I did. Then I'm good.
签了 那我别无所求了
Have you, uh, heard from Lyndsey?
林赛理你了吗
No.
没有
I even pulled out the big guns.
我甚至拿出了我最大的"武器"
I texted her a picture of my penis with a sad face on it.
我发给她一张我的鸡鸡照 上面有哭哭脸哦
Why would that work on her
那玩意怎么会对她有用
when it never worked on me?
连我都从来不"受用"
Hey, Walden.
沃顿
Alan, why did you send me your sad penis pic?
艾伦 你为什么把哭哭脸鸡鸡照发给我
I-I'm sorry. That was for Lyndsey.
抱歉 我是想发给林赛的
Come on, man!
真受不了你耶
Grow up. She's seen it in person.
得了吧 她都亲眼见过好吗
Yeah, and it was sad then, too.
是啊 当时我也想哭
Yeah, well, that sad penis
是咩 哭哭脸鸡鸡
is driving around in a brand-new Ferrari.
现在可是开一台全新的法拉利哦
Why can't you talk like a person?
你为什么就不能像人一样说人话呢
Wait, so you used your wish on a Ferrari?
等等 你把你的愿望用在法拉利上了
And how did Lyndsey feel about that?
林赛对此作何感想
Well, she hated it, and I just don't know why.
她暴怒 我不知道为什么
I-It was like our anniversary lunch at Hooters all over again.
就像我们去辣妹餐厅过纪念日那次一样
Don't you know anything about women?
你难道一点也不了解女人吗
Uh, you and I dated-- I think you know the answer to that.
咱俩曾在一起 你知道这问题的答案
You had the chance to do something for you and Lyndsey,
你本来有机会为你和林赛做些事
and instead you did something just for yourself.
恰恰相反 你却只想着你自己
You know what? This is my fault.
算了 这都是我的错
I gave you too much power.
是我给你太多权力了
You don't give a monkey a gun.
千万不要给猴子枪杆子
Did we learn nothing from Planet of the Apes?
《人猿星球》没有给我们一丁点启示吗
So how do I make this right for Lyndsey?
那我应该怎么弥补林赛呢
Maybe you could paint a smiley face on her vagina.
或许你可以在她的"洞洞"上画个笑脸
If she had one wish, what would it be?
如果她能实现一个愿望 那会是什么
To be married to him.
嫁给沃顿
Okay, that's probably true,
好吧 这倒是很有可能
but she can't have Walden.
但沃顿是我的
And make sure she knows that.
你一定要让她知道这个事实
But I think you might be on the right track
但我觉得你想的方向是对的
that she would like a commitment.
她想要婚姻
Wow... A commitment.
哇 一段婚姻
For years, I-I felt I should marry Lyndsey,
好几年来 我都觉得自己该娶林赛
but, uh, it's never the right time.
但时机总是不对
Maybe now is the right time.
或许现在就是正确的时机
I just...
我真...
wish I had the money for an engagement ring.
希望我有钱买♥♥订婚戒指
I'm not getting you an engagement ring and a Ferrari.
我才不会给你又买♥♥法拉利又买♥♥订婚戒指
How 'bout a promise ring and a Beemer?
那恋爱戒加宝马总可以了吧
I've never been to a high-end jewelry store like this.
我从来没来过这么高端的珠宝店
Really?
真的吗
Where'd you get your engagement ring for your ex-wife?
你给前妻的订婚戒指怎么来的
Well, when I met Judith, I was working at a funeral home.
我和朱蒂丝认识时 我在殡仪馆工作
I'll let you figure out the rest.
剩下的你就自己想吧
I don't think I belong here.
这地方和我太不搭了
You know, I-I feel out of place.
我觉得自己格格不入啊
Just follow my lead, and keep it classy.
听我指挥就好 严肃一点
Hi. Welcome to BJ's.
你们好 欢迎来到蔻娇
I'm sorry.
对不起
Um, what does "BJ" Stand for?
蔻娇是什么意思呀
Bountiful Jewels.
豆蔻少女般娇俏的珠宝
Oh. You know, I... I love your ads.
我好喜欢你们的广♥告♥
Uh, uh, "Want a diamond, give a BJ."
"想要钻石 给她蔻娇"
Uh, uh, how about this one?
还有这个如何
If you're gonna get down on your knees,
男儿膝下有黄金
you better be giving a BJ.
千金一跪为蔻娇
We've heard them all, sir.
这些我们都听过了
So, what can we do for you guys?
你们需要买♥♥什么吗
Uh, well, to celebrate our divorce,
为了庆祝我俩离婚
I'd like to get my ex-husband an engagement ring
我想为我的前夫选一枚订婚戒指
for his on-again, off-again girlfriend.
送给他长♥期♥分分合合的女朋友
Oh, and I might need your card, in case I propose
我也需要一张名片
to my girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend,
我可能要向我的女友 他的前女友
our social worker.
我俩的社工求婚
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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