好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E13
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
Sex is so much better with someone you know well.
和熟悉的人一起上♥床♥真是舒服多了
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
没错
That's why so many marriages last forever.
所以大部分婚姻能够白头终老
But it's true, it's true-- sex is better when you,
但这是真的 这样做♥爱♥更舒服
you know, you know the other person's rhythms,
因为你了解彼此的节奏
what they like,
彼此的喜好
which leg they can put behind their head.
他哪只腿可以举到脑后
I'm still impressed you can do that.
我还很震惊你居然能那么做
Uh, yoga.
都是瑜伽的功劳
When I started, I was single and I wanted to be
我开始练时 单身的我想要
flexible enough to give myself a...
练到足够柔软为自己口...
You know, I, uh, I-I really would have missed you
你搬去旧金山之后
if you moved to San Francisco.
我一定会很想你
Aw, me, too.
我也是
Although maybe I should have waited to sell the house.
也许我应该等房♥子卖♥♥掉再搬走
I got to be out of here in two weeks. Mm.
我还有两周就必须搬走了
I could help you find an apartment.
我可以帮你找间公♥寓♥
Unless you want me to stay out of your hair.
除非你不想让我插手你的私事[私处]
Hey, that's the second time I said that tonight.
哈 这话今晚我是第二次说了
Actually, I really could use your help.
实际上我还真需要你帮忙
I mean, unless you're busy with work.
除非你工作太忙没有空
Oh, I love you, Lyndsey.
我好爱你 林赛
I love you, too, Alan.
我也爱你 艾伦
You want to go again? No.
你还想再做一次吗 不
You satisfied me the first time.
你第一次就让我满足了
Walden, do you believe in destiny?
沃顿 你相信天命吗
I believe in destiny's Child.
我相信天命真女[女子组合]
I'm serious.
我是说真的
Think of everything that happened
想想每一个让我们
that led us to this moment.
在一起的细节
Oh, see, that... I'd rather not.
我还真不愿意去想
I know you don't want to talk about my relationship with Alan.
我知道你不愿谈起我和艾伦的那段
No, I don't. I don't even like
不 我不想 我连和艾伦
sharing a cab with Alan.
同乘一辆的士都不愿意
But don't you see? If Alan and I hadn't been together
可是你看 如果艾伦和我没有在一起
and I hadn't freaked out when he rejected me,
我没有因为他拒绝我而崩溃
you wouldn't be here to comfort me.
你就不会来安慰我了
In a way, I just want to say
总之 我想说
thank you, Alan Harper.
谢谢你啦 艾伦·哈勃
Thank you, Alan Harper.
谢谢你丫 艾伦·哈勃
So-So you are aware that you...
所以你知道你自己
...freaked out a little bit.
当时有一点失心疯对吧
You mean when I showed up to your house
你是指我半夜冒雨
at midnight in the rain
冲进你的家
or when I followed Alan for 12 straight hours
还是指我跟踪了艾伦整整12小时
and peed in a bottle in my car?
躲在车里往饮料瓶里撒尿
I didn't know you did that. That's...
我不知道你做了这种事
Look at us, getting to know each other.
看看 我们开始了解彼此了
So-So was that
所以这并非
out of character for you, would you say?
平常的你 对吧
Well, I admit, I am not good with rejection.
我承认 我这人不善处理被拒
Who is?
谁不是呢
Well, don't worry.
别担心
I am never, ever gonna let go of you.
我永远 永远不会放你走
I believe you.
我相信你
I'll let you know when I'm done.
等我拉完了会通知你的
Okay, once again,
我再说一次
I will buy you another Lego mini figure.
我会再给你买♥♥一个乐高迷你公仔
We don't have to wait for that one to come out.
我们不用苦等你肚子那个被拉出来
Oh, you always know when I've had sex.
每次炮完都被你看出来
What gave it away?
是哪一点暴露了我
The bounce in my step or the glow in my cheek?
是我轻快的脚步还是我满面的红光
No, it's probably the,
不 大概是
uh, text I got from you that said,
你发给我的短♥信♥写着
"Guess why I can't see my penis right now."
猜猜我为啥现在看不到伦家的小♥弟♥弟♥
I was bored.
我无聊嘛
So, uh, how was your little talk with Ms. McMartin?
你和麦克马丁小姐聊得如何
You know, about that whole situation-- you and her--
关于你和她之间的那些事
I just... you know, maybe I just judged you too harshly.
也许我之前对你太严苛了
No, no, I was... I deserved it. I-I was stupid and weak.
不 我是罪有应得 我又蠢又弱
And besides, bitch be crazy.
而且她又是个疯婆子
bitch be my girlfriend.
疯婆子成了我的女友
Oh, my God. You didn't.
我的天 你不会吧
After all the crap you gave me?
就在你教育了我一堆废话之后
"How could you sleep with our social worker, Alan?"
你怎么能和我们的社工上♥床♥呢 艾伦
"Get your penis out of my business, Alan."
你的老二不要靠近我的"私"事 艾伦
"That's not what yoga is for, Alan."
练瑜伽不是为了这种事 艾伦
Okay, fine, I admit it. I-I made a mistake.
好吧 我承认我做了错事
I just... I Alan'd this whole thing up.
我...我把整个局面都"艾伦"乱了
My name as a verb. I like it.
我的名字升级为动词了 我喜欢
So-So how did this happen?
怎么会发生这种事
I don't know. I just... I went over there and then...
我也不知道 我过去
she got all emotional
看到她情绪激动
and kept calling herself a loser and then...
说自己是个失败者
Okay, and then she started to cry.
然后她开始哭
Oh, crying. She used that to turn me on, too.
哭 她也是用这招让我性奋
What? No. I-I comforted her
什么 不 我只是安慰她
and then one thing led to an... You're a freak.
然后一发不可收拾 你真是变♥态♥
Hey, hey, don't call me a freak.
别说我变♥态♥
You're the one who Alan'd it up.
你才是把一切"艾伦"乱的人
You know what, maybe it'll be okay.
也许事情没什么大不了
I mean, she only goes crazy when she gets rejected,
她只有在被拒绝时才发疯
so I just have to keep her happy for a couple days
我只要让她过几天开心日子
until we finalize Louis's adoption.
直到路易斯的领养手续结束就好
See, I just... I feel bad, 'cause...
我只是觉得这样很不好
I mean, she already fell head over heels in love with me.
她已经深深地爱上了我
She Walden'd you.
她"沃顿"了你
You know what? Go Alan yourself.
滚去"艾伦"你自己吧
Thanks to yoga, I can.
多亏了瑜伽 人家真的可以哦
This is great.
太好了
Lots of natural light, hardwood floors,
光线明亮 硬木地板
and it's next to a Chipotle
附近还有墨西哥快餐
I can't wait for our first post-booty burrito.
我等不及享用我们的第一个炮后墨西哥卷
It's also right across the street
对面街还有一家
from a really cute bookstore.
非常可爱的书店
Remember books?
还记得书的样子吗
And-and you saw how big those closets are.
你看看这些宽大的衣柜
I could live in those things.
我都可以住进去了
Not a good idea.
这不是个好主意
I already have enough people asking me
已经有好多人问我
if you're in the closet.
你是不是没出柜的基佬了
People think I'm gay?
他们觉得我是基佬吗
That's hilarious.
真是好笑
Can't wait to tell my husband.
等不及要回家告诉我老公了
So... do you really like it?
你真的喜欢这里吗
What's not to like?
有什么好不喜欢的
This place is amazing.
这地方棒极了
Good. 'Cause I was thinking maybe instead of visiting,
很好 我在想与其偶尔来玩
why don't you move in with me?
你不如直接搬过来
In this dump?
搬到这垃圾堆吗
You just said you liked it.
你不是说你喜欢它吗
That was when I thought it was for you.
我以为是住你一个人
But for the two of us?
但住我们两个人
There's no study.
这里连书房♥都没有
Where would I write my novel?
我上哪儿去写我的小说呢
You're writing a novel?
你还在写小说吗
Well, when I finish my screenplay.
等我写完我的剧本就开始写小说
Do you not want to live with me?
你是不想跟我一起住吗
No, of course I do.
不 我当然想
But I-I want our place to be perfect.
但我希望能住更完美的地方
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
剧集 | 好汉两个半（2003） | 导航列表