好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E12
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
Okay, here it is.
我找到了
This is Louis' first science fair project.
这是路易斯第一次参加科学展的作品
You're gonna love it.
你肯定喜欢它
Louis made this all by himself.
这都是路易斯自己做的吗
Last time I was here,
上一次我来的时候
he got the straw from his juice box stuck in his nose.
他把果汁盒里的吸管拿出来插在鼻孔里
He also got it unstuck.
他也把它取出来了
Uh, check it out.
看看
So, uh, so we'll take a piece of bread, all right?
我们先拿一块面包
Put it in the mouth,
放在嘴巴里
where the saliva will start to dissolve the bread.
唾液开始溶解面包
And then it'll travel down to the stomach,
然后一路进入到胃里
where the acids will break down the complex carbohydrates.
胃酸慢慢分解复合碳水化合物
At which point it will move past the appendix,
然后经过盲肠
which does nothing.
那玩意没有任何作用
Yeah, we should rename that the Alan.
也许我们应该命名它为艾伦
Uh, and then it'll go to the small intestines,
然后通过小肠
the large intestines, where finally...
大肠 最后...
Oh, dear God.
我的天
Uh, no, it's okay, it's a Hershey's Kiss.
没关系 这是好时巧克力
Okay.
好吧
So the reason I came over is to tell you--
我今天来是为了告诉你
we are ready to start the final steps
我们准备开始办理
for you to officially adopt Louis.
你领养路易斯的最后程序了
Oh, my God, I'm gonna Hershey's Kiss my pants.
我的天 我要在裤子里拉巧克力了
But before the adoption is final,
但在完成领养手续之前
I want you to tell Louis you two aren't gay.
我希望你们能告诉路易斯你们不是好基友
Are you sure that this is the best time to do that?
你确定这是告诉他的最好时机吗
I mean, I haven't even talked to him
我都还没跟他谈过
about the birds and the bees,
两性基本常识呢
let alone the bees and the bees.
现在就要跳到同性基本常识了吗
I know there is never a perfect time
我知道向孩子说明两个爸爸不是基佬
to tell your son his two dads aren't gay...
是一件很为难的事
...but it'll be more harmful the longer you wait.
但拖得越久 伤害就越大
Yeah, but it's just, like, h-how do I tell him?
我知道 可是我要怎么告诉他呢
Um, does Hallmark make a "Sorry, son,
贺曼公♥司♥有没有出过
it turns out I'm straight" Card?
"对不起儿子 爸爸不是基佬"的卡片
You've been a fantastic father so far.
你现在已经是很棒的爸爸了
I am confident you will handle this
我相信你一定能
with the utmost attention and care.
好好处理这件事
Walden
沃顿
Him I'm worried about.
他嘛 我就有点担心了
Sorry I'm late.
抱歉我来晚了
Uh, I took Louis to the mall
我带路易斯去逛商场了
to get him some new school clothes.
给他买♥♥了上学穿的新衣服
He's trying them on right now.
他现在正在试穿
Plus there was a new kiosk that will bedazzle anything.
有家新开的小店可以贴水钻
Got an iPhone case for my boo.
我给我的宝贝买♥♥了个闪闪手♥机♥壳
Now, I'm gonna bedazzle your cheek with some sugar.
现在我要给你的脸蛋贴点糖糖了
Alan, as your social worker, I cannot accept gifts.
艾伦 身为你的社工 我不能接受礼物
And as your "Boo," Hell no.
身为你的宝贝 我更不想要
I can't believe I'm just realizing this,
我刚刚才意识到这一点
but the perfect person to date a social worker
但社工的完美伴侣
is a needy child.
不就是黏人的孩子吗
We were just discussing that it would be
我们刚在讨论为了路易斯着想
in the best interest of Louis to tell him
应该告诉他
you two aren't actually gay.
你俩不是基佬
Oh, I agree 100 percent.
我完全同意
I mean, it's not like anyone was buying either one of us
反正任何人都不会相信
as a gay man anyway.
我们俩会有人是基佬
Ooh, that top is fierce, girl. Rawr.
你的上装太撩人了 哇哦
Louis, could you come in here for a second?
路易斯 你能过来一下吗
Oh, oh, we're doing it right now?
现在就说吗
It will be such a relief to discontinue this charade.
能结束这场骗局真是松了一大口气
What are you wearing?
你穿的是什么啊
Alan says between business casual and country club chic.
艾伦说这风格介于商务便装和乡村俱乐部装之间
Now turn around.
转过去
He's "Bedazzle-ous."
他真是"闪闪亮"啊
Okay, should we tell him now?
好了 现在就告诉他吗
I don't think he's gonna believe us.
我认为他不会相信我们的
Oh, hey, Berta.
波塔
I talked to Louis.
我和路易斯聊过了
He said you guys told him you're not gay.
他说你们告诉他你们不是基佬了
Yeah, we didn't want to lie to him anymore.
我们不想再欺骗他了
So now you're just lying to yourself.
所以你现在只能骗你自己了
Lyndsey?
林赛
Hi, Alan. Can we talk? Sure, come on in.
艾伦 我们能聊聊吗 好啊 进来吧
Uh, can I give you a hand with your box?
要我用手"帮"你吗
Boy, I haven't said that to you in a while.
这句话我好久没对你说过了
I'll say to you now what I said to you then.
我也要用同样的话回复你
It's easier if I just do it myself.
我自己"来"
I was cleaning out my house,
我在清理房♥子的时候
and I found some of your old things.
找到不少你的旧物
Oh, look at this stuff.
看看这些玩意
Oh, here's a picture from our Caribbean vacation.
这是我们去加勒比海度假的照片
Oh, remember how I got stung by that jellyfish?
还记得我被水母蛰的事吗
Of course I do-- you made me pee on you to neutralize the pain.
当然记得 你为了缓解疼痛逼我尿在你身上
Seems like you got stung a lot on that vacation.
你那趟旅程好像被蛰了不少次啊
Did I?
是吗
Oh, look.
看
Wow, my old boom box.
我的录音机
Oh, and it still has that mix CD I made for us.
里面还有我为咱俩录制的CD呢
"Now That's What I Call Nasty, Volume 69."
"我的69我做主"
"Mambo No. 5."
《第五号♥曼波》
How did I ever let you make love to me
我怎么会让你和我滚床单时
while you sang other women's names?
还唱着别的女人的名字呢
Be fair, you used to scream other guys' names.
公平起见 你还喊过别的男人的名字呢
Anyway, I didn't come by just to bring you your stuff.
算了 我来不光是把东西还给你
I also wanted to tell you that I've decided to move away.
我还想告诉你我决定搬走
Get a fresh start.
重新开始人生
What?
什么
Uh, wh-where's this coming from?
你怎么会有这种想法
I've been thinking about it for a while,
我思考了很长时间
and there's nothing for me here.
这里没有什么好留恋的了
I mean, most of my memories involve a time
我大部分的回忆
when I was drinking really heavily,
都是我喝得醉醺醺的时候
and those aren't pretty.
往事不堪回首
I mean, the bar by my house has a drink
我家旁边的酒吧
called "The Lyndsey Special."
有一种酒就叫"林赛特调"
It's a bottle of Merlot, a shot of vodka
一瓶梅洛酒 一杯伏特加
and a scrunchie to hold your hair back while you throw up.
和一根呕吐时能扎起头发的发圈
So where do you think you're gonna go?
那你准备去哪里呢
Well, I have family in Arizona, so...
我有家人在亚利桑那州 所以
not there.
肯定不会去那儿
Ah, you know, I just, I can't believe it.
我真是 真是不敢相信
I mean, well, I hope you don't forget about me completely.
我希望你不要彻底忘了我
You're a hard person to forget, Alan Harper.
你没有那么容易让人忘记 艾伦·哈勃
I've tried.
我试过了
Hence, "The Lyndsey Special."
所以才有"林赛特调"
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know.
总之 我就是过来告诉你一声
This is gonna be so strange.
这感觉太奇怪了
I mean, even when we weren't together,
即使我们不在一起了
it was nice knowing you were nearby.
但知道你就在附近 心里也很踏实
Ah, I know what you mean.
我懂你的意思
Well, this is it.
那就这样吧
Good-bye, Alan.
再见 艾伦
Good-bye, Lyndsey.
再见 林赛
Are we really not gonna talk about the 20 bucks you owe me?
真的不打算提你欠我20块钱的事吗
I am really gonna miss you.
我会好想你
I'll miss you, too.
我也会想你
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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