好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E02
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:08 p.m.
Oh-oh, yeah? Well, then maybe I should protect my assets.
是吗 那我也应该保护我的财产
You know, don't worry,
别担心
I'm pretty sure that your VHS copy of Dirty Dancing
我保证你的《热舞》录像带拷贝
and your complete collection of Ghostbusters trading cards are safe.
和你的《捉鬼敢死队》卡牌全集非常安全
I am a collector of '80s movie memorabilia.
我喜欢收集80年代的电影物品
And hobby mocking is not an attractive color on you.
嘲笑别人的兴趣可不会招人喜欢
Hobby mocker.
兴趣嘲笑者
I also have one other asset that you cannot have,
我还有一样你得不到的财产
my dignity.
我的尊严
Your dignity?! Mmhmm.
你的尊严 是
Your dignity...? Yes.
你的尊严 是的
Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that the security guard
真的吗 因为我肯定就是因为你
at the shopping mall had to remove the bench
超♥市♥的保安才不得不把
from outside of Victoria's Secret because of you!
《维多利亚的秘密》店外的板凳给搬走
Mall flogger!
商场"只看不买♥♥"者
I got to tell you, I'm having a lot of second thoughts right now.
我告诉你 我现在开始有很多疑虑了哦
Really? Because this is exactly where I want to be in my life,
是吗 你以为向一个47岁的男人求婚
begging a 47-year-old man to marry me.
是我这一生梦寐以求的事情吗
Now sign the prenup!
快点签了婚前协议
I agreed to marry you, but that doesn't mean you get
我同意和你结婚 不过这并不代表
to shove whatever you want down my throat
你把什么东西塞进我嘴里
and expect me to swallow it!
我就得吞下去
Do-do you... do you even hear
你 你听听
the words that you are saying?!
你说的话不恶心吗
How about these words? The wedding's off!
那这些话如何 婚礼取消
I can't even get Alan Harper to marry me.
连艾伦·哈勃都不愿意跟我结婚
Boy, this better be important.
小子 你最好有要事
I just saw you two days ago.
我两天前才见了你
Walden and I broke up. The-the wedding is off.
沃顿和我分手了 婚礼也取消了
Oh, Alan.
艾伦
You had a rich husband on the hook
你本来手握钻石王老五
and you couldn't reel him in.
你却让他溜走了
What happened?
发生了什么事
Well, he asked me to sign a prenup and I refused.
他让我签婚前协议 我拒绝了
Well, of course you refused.
你当然得拒绝
The woman I paid to raise you did not raise a fool.
我付钱给人养你长大 可不能养个傻子
Mom, I don't want his money.
妈妈 我不想要他的钱
Never say that again.
再说这种蠢话试试
Is that a new ring?
这是新的戒指吗
Feels like Cartier.
触感像卡地亚的
Yes, it is. And you know who gave it to me?
是的 你知道是谁给我的吗
My rich husband.
我的富老公
When Marty and I married,
马蒂和我结婚的时候
the only thing I was willing to sign
我唯一愿意签署的协议是
was his do not resuscitate order.
"拒绝心肺复苏术"的协议
Walden says this wedding is just a-a business transaction.
沃顿说我们的婚姻只是商业交易
H-How many business transactions end
有多少商业交易
with the release of grand monarch butterflies?
落得个好结果
Darling, it is just business.
亲爱的 不要感情用事
He's using you to get what he wants,
他利用你 得到他想要的
and you should be using him to get what you want:
你也应该利用他 得到你想要的
financial security.
经济保障
I'm not doing it for financial security.
我这么做不是为了经济保障
Walden genuinely wants a child,
沃顿很想要一个孩子
the same way that I wanted Jake and-and you wanted...
正如我想要杰克 正如你想要
Charlie.
查理
I just thought that after four years together
我以为同居4年
that he would trust me when it comes to money.
他应该在钱上面对我很信任
Oh, darling, after 47 years, I don't trust you.
亲爱的 相识47年 我还是不信任你
aybe, uh, a-a prenup is justified.
或许 婚前协议是合理的
Maybe I am just a sponge.
或许我只是一个海绵
A-a-a parasite.
一只寄生虫
And-and he tolerates me because he's my best friend.
他一直容忍♥我 因为他是我最好的朋友
And I've let him down,
而我却让他失望了
and all I want to do is make him happy.
我只想让他开心
Best friend. Happy.
最好的朋友 开心
I just have no idea where you got
我不知道你是从哪里学来
these warped views on marriage.
这些婚姻歪理
He wouldn't sign a prenup?
他不肯签婚前协议
No, he got all upset and he threw a hissy fit.
对啊 他很不开心还大发脾气
You don't trust me. The wedding's off.
你不信任我 婚礼取消
I'm going to Ibiza by myself?
我要一个人去伊比沙岛[地中海西岸]
Let's face it, the man is simply not your equal.
面对现实吧 他配不上你
If the two of you were on a plane that crashed
如果你俩同在一架飞机上
in the mountains, Alan would be the first person eaten.
飞机撞毁之后 艾伦肯定会第一个被吃掉
On the other hand,
换句话说
you're handsome, successful, smart.
你帅气 成功 聪明
You would be eaten last.
你肯定是最后一个被吃掉的
You're just saying I'd be eaten last 'cause you're my mom.
你说我会最后一个被吃掉 因为你是我妈妈
Well, listen, I know you're serious about this child thing,
听我说 我知道你是认真对待孩子的事情
so I mentioned your situation to a very cute intern at work.
所以我告诉了公♥司♥的一个可爱的实习生
You didn't.
不是吧
Oh, Jessica's very amenable to striking a business deal.
洁西卡非常能接受这种交易
Plus,
还有
she's already visited Dr. Schenkman,
她已经拜访了隆乳圣手申克曼医生
if you know what I mean.
你肯定懂我的意思吧
Mom, that's exactly what I don't want.
妈妈 我就是不想这样
I don't even know this Jess...
我都不认识这个...
Holy Schenkman.
我勒个申克曼
Look, I-I w...
我...
No, she'd be eaten first.
不 她会第一个被"吃"掉
Look, no, I want someone that I can trust.
我需要一个我能信任的人
That's why I picked Alan in the first place.
所以我才优先选择了艾伦
How can you possibly trust him?
你怎么可能信任他
He siphons gas out of your car.
他偷你车里的油
Technically, I never caught him.
其实我从没当场抓住过他
I just assumed that he did it
我猜是他干的
'cause the garden hose smelled like gas
因为花♥园♥的橡胶软管有汽油的味道
and one time he burped near a candle
有一次 他在蜡烛旁边打嗝
and it lit the couch on fire.
把沙发都烧起来了
I don't know why you ever
我都不理解一开始
let Alan live with you in the first place.
你为什么会让艾伦住进来
Uh, for starters, he saved my life.
首先 他救过我的命
And... he's been there for me,
其次 他一直陪在我身边
every time that I needed him
每次当我需要他时 他都在
and even times when I didn't.
连不需要的时候 他都在
The bottom line is...
最重要的是...
he's my best friend.
他是我最好的朋友
Jessica could be your best friend.
洁西卡也能成为你最好的朋友
I'm not going out with Jessica.
我不会和洁西卡约会的
Fine. I get it.
好 我懂了
I do have another intern that you might like better.
还有另一位实习生 你也许会更喜欢
His name is Derek. He does Pilates...
男孩叫德里克 爱好普拉提
Mom, I'm not gay!
妈 我不是同性恋
I-I just want to marry a man.
我只是想和男人结婚
Why is that so difficult to understand?
怎么就这么难理解了呢
Listen... About earlier...
我说 之前...
Uh, that-that's, that's my fault.
那...是我的错
I-I totally get why I need to sign a prenup.
我完全理解为什么要我签婚前协议
I mean, there's guys standing at freeway onramps
站在高速入口前的假人
that make more money than I do.
赚的都比我多
You know what, you don't need to sign it.
你不用签了
Despite my mother's objections
尽管我母亲的反对
and despite everything I've learned from...
尽管有违我所有的从...
two seasons of Basketball Wives,
两季《球星太太团》里学到的知识
I trust you completely.
我完全信任你
That's nice, but, uh,
真贴心 但...
I already signed it and sent it to your attorney.
我已经签好寄给你的律师了
Really?
真的吗
Thank you. I-I owe you.
谢谢你 我欠你一个人情
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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