好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E12
Part 4
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
I banged both of them.
她们俩都被我上了
Ain't no thang.
不算事儿
Oh, hey, did you, uh, see Lyndsey?
你见过林赛了吗
Uh, yes, I did.
见过了
Uh, and she was totally cool with taking it slow
她完全同意在正式领养前
until the adoption is done.
跟我放慢速度交往
Good. And thank you.
太好了 谢谢你
Yeah, you may not want to thank me just yet.
对了 你现在不会想谢我的
Please tell me that that is your blood
拜托 告诉我那是你的血
and not powdered wine.
而不是冲调酒
I-It's not my fault.
真不怪我
Ms. McMartin showed up. What?
麦克马丁小姐也去了 什么
She followed me. She's gone crazy.
她跟踪我 她已经失心疯了
No, she hasn't "Gone crazy."
不 她不是自己要"失心疯"
You drove her crazy.
是你把她逼得失心疯
You make people crazy!
你就会把人都逼疯
That-that's a little unfair.
这么说就有点不公平哦
I mean, I grant you that, you know,
我同意你说的
maybe it was a mistake to sleep with her,
跟她上♥床♥也许是个错误
but when a woman has five cats,
但一个养了五只猫的女人
she doesn't have to be "Made crazy."
不用别人逼也会"失心疯"
You know what? You're right.
你说得对
This-this-this is my fault.
这是我的错
I'm the one who made the mistake.
我才是罪魁祸首
You are? Yes.
是你吗 没错
I mistakenly thought that you were
我误认为你这个人
a capable, competent human being,
有能力 完全可以
able to handle a simple situation
处理好一个简单情况
without destroying the life of everyone around you.
而不是摧毁你身边所有人的生活
Boy, if I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me.
天 要是每听到这句话就有一块钱入账多好
But seriously, seriously, I-I will fix this.
但说真的 我会处理好这件事
Oh. Great.
太棒啦
You're gonna fix this. Yeah.
你可以处理好 是的
I mean, why was I worried?
那我还担心个什么劲
Have no fear!
忧虑退散
Alan is here!
艾伦在此
Hey! Hey, everyone!
喂 大伙
Don't worry!
别担心了
Alan's gonna fix it!
艾伦会处理好
Sailors at sea,
海上的水手们
throw away your life vests!
扔掉你们的救生衣吧
You don't need them!
你们根本不需要
'Cause Alan is gonna fix everything!
因为艾伦什么都会处理好
Maybe I do make people crazy.
或许我的确会把人逼疯
Walden? What are you doing here?
沃顿 你在来这干嘛
I am on the "Alan Harper Apology Tour."
我在进行"替艾伦·哈勃道歉之旅"
Uh, but this is gonna require
这部分会需要
a little bit of audience participation.
观众的一点配合
When I say "Alan," You say "Idiot."
我说"艾伦" 你说"傻子"
Alan. Idiot.
艾伦 傻子
Alan. Idiot.
艾伦 傻子
This is fun. Come in.
挺有意思 进来
Wow, this is nice.
这里不错啊
And it doesn't smell like cat urine at all.
一点都闻不到猫尿味
So what do you want, Walden?
你想干嘛 沃顿
I realize that Alan--
我觉得艾伦...
Idiot.
傻子
Look, I-I realize that he can do some stupid things.
我知道他也许会做些傻事
And I'm-I'm sure you've seen his helicopter dance,
你也肯定看过他的直升机舞
where he uses his penis as the propeller.
用他的小♥弟♥弟♥当螺旋桨甩
Actually, I haven't.
我还真没看过
Neither have I.
我也没看过
I realize how angry you must be with him.
我能理解你有多生他的气
But that has nothing to do
但这丝毫不影响
with the kind of father I can be to Louis.
我如何教导路易斯
I know that.
我了解
It's just that Alan--
只是艾伦...
Idiot.
傻子
He makes me crazy.
他让我失心疯
I-I just said that!
我刚也说了这话
In-in fact, I hit a lifeguard
老实说 我是在用露台椅
with a patio chair saying that.
砸一个救生员时说的
Look, Walden, at the end of the day,
沃顿 总而言之
I'm not gonna let my anger prevent a child
我是不会让我的愤怒妨碍到
from being placed in a good home.
一个孩子找到一个幸福家庭
Thank God.
谢天谢地
I just... I've never realized
我只是从来没有感受过
how much another person can mean to me.
有谁对我来说是这么重要
That is so sweet.
太温暖了
Why can't anybody ever think that about me?
为什么没人这么关心我呢
I am such a loser!
我太失败了
No, you're not a loser, Ms. McMartin.
不 你不失败 麦克马丁小姐
Yes, I am!
我失败
I thought I hit rock bottom
我以为我的人生的最低谷
by dating an old guy who can't get a boner.
就是和一个勃起无能的老头子约会
It turns out, rock bottom is getting dumped
结果 我在人生谷底
by the old guy who can't get a boner.
被一个勃起无能的老子给甩了
What is wrong with me?
我到底有什么毛病
Nothing.
没毛病
Come on, you're smart and you're fun...
得了吧 你聪明又风趣...
And, oh, by the way,
顺便说一句
you are way too pretty for Alan.
你的美貌配艾伦白瞎了
So are you.
你也是
See? Now there's that smile.
你看 这么笑才对嘛
Come on, now, now...
好了好了
any guy would be lucky to be with you.
能追到你的男人 肯定是上辈子积德了
Oh, you're just saying that. No, you're awesome.
你就是哄我高兴 不是 你非常好
And what you do for a living, helping those kids,
看看你的职业 帮助那些孩子
changing their lives,
改变他们的命运
putting your hand on my leg...
把手放在我的腿上...
I can't believe this.
真是难以置信
You're not the only one.
深有同感
I don't want you to worry.
我不想让你担心
I'm not going to let the fact
我是不会让我们的恋情
that we are in a relationship affect Louis.
影响到路易斯
Learned that lesson, am I right?
吃一堑长一智啊 对吧
Yeah.
是啊
Relationship.
恋情
Okay.
好吧
I am going to go... Where? Where are you going?
我要去... 哪儿 你要去哪儿
To the bathroom.
去厕所
Oh, okay.
好的
Hurry back.
速去速回
I'll miss you.
我会想你哦
I'll miss you, too.
我也会想你哦
Ooh, it's a little chilly out there.
外面有点冷
I'm gonna grab my pants.
我把裤子带上
And my car keys.
还有车钥匙
Alan?
艾伦
Lyndsey.
林赛
Lyndsey.
林赛
Lyndsey.
林赛
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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