好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E05
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:09 p.m.
Thanks for coming in, guys.
谢谢你们能过来
It's always a pleasure seeing you.
见到你总是很高兴
I mean, she's so pretty. You're so pretty.
因为她是个大美女 你是个大美女哟
You know anyone we can set her up with?
我们有认识的人可以介绍给她吗
I appreciate the thought,
很感谢你的好意
but I am perfectly happy with my...
但我目前非常幸福 因为我有...
cats.
很多猫
Anyway...
总而言之
how would you guys feel about adopting an older child?
你们觉得领养一个年龄稍大点的孩子怎么样
Wow. Like, how old are we talking?
你说的稍大是多大
Like, I've been taking care of this one since he was 43.
像这位 打从他43岁开始就是我在照顾他
He's been a wonderful provider.
他把我照顾得很好哦
And he only spanks me when I ask him to.
只有我要求的时候 他才会打我的屁♥股♥
Wow, that is a lot to take in before 10:00 A.M.on a Monday.
周一早上不到十点就说那个 实在有点"重口"啊
That's what he said.
他也是这么说哦
Okay, please stop.
拜托快停下
That's what he said.
他也是这么说哦
The reason I bring it up is because there is a six-year-old boy
我会有这个提议 是因为有一个6岁的男孩
who's been bouncing around the foster system for a while,
在各个领养中心辗转有一段时间了
and I think he'd be a great match for you guys.
我觉得他很适合你们俩
Wow, really?
真的吗
Uh, well, six is a great age.
6岁是个很棒的年纪
Potty-trained but not ashamed of you yet.
会自己上厕所 但不会以父母为耻
Well...well, uh, can we adopt him right away?
那我们能立刻收养他吗
Well, we'd start with a weekend visit.
我们会先开始一次周末家访
See if it's a good fit, then, assuming it is,
看看双方合不合得来 假设合得来
you guys would become his foster parents.
他就可以先寄养在你们家
After six months, if everyone agrees,
等六个月后 如果没人反对
you can officially adopt him.
你们就可以正式收养他了
Oh, and-and-and if we don't agree,
如果我们不喜欢这孩子
can we credit those six months to a kid that we do like?
那六个月 可以转移到之后喜欢的孩子上吗
Wow, I-I always thought we were gonna get a baby,
我一直以为我们会有个宝宝
but I kind of like the idea of giving an older kid a shot.
但我也想尝试收养年纪稍大的孩子看看
Well, Louis certainly deserves a shot.
路易斯绝对值得你试试
Louis?
路易斯
Louie?
路易
Aw, sweet Lou.
亲爱的小路
Lou!
小路
Uh, is he married to that name or can we change it?
他就叫这个了吗 还是我们可以改名字
Alan.
艾伦
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
抱歉 抱歉
I just, you know, I had my heart set on Beckett.
我只是早就想好贝克特这个名字了
Look, I'm gonna be honest with you guys.
我得老实跟你们说
Louis has had a rough time.
路易斯成长之路并不顺
He's been in foster homes, group homes.
他不是在是寄养家庭 就是在集体家庭
He's moved around a lot.
来来回♥回♥地换
We thought we had him placed for adoption a few months ago,
几个月前 我们以为帮他找到收养家庭了
but it fell through.
但没成功
So he's gonna be a little gun-shy.
所以他会心理有点阴影
Well, don't worry about that.
不用担心
I mean, I'm sure we'll have a great time together.
我们肯定能相处得非常融洽
Just don't expect a lot.
不要期望太多
Same thing I told this one on our wedding night.
结婚当晚我也是这么跟这家伙说的
Wow, I really like this idea.
哇 我真的很喜欢这个主意
I mean, I'm gonna... I'm gonna have a son.
我要有一个儿子啦
How cool is that gonna be?
想想就觉得超级酷
I mean, and-and you get to relive
而你可以重新体验一遍
all those great father-son moments.
那些年美好的父子时刻
** By the time you hear the siren *
* 当你听见警笛声
** It's already too late *
* 一切都为时已晚
** One goes to the morgue and the other to jail *
* 一人死掉 一人坐牢
** One gets wasted and the other's a waste...*
* 一人喝醉 一人最烂...
Good thinking.
好想法
Dad? Yeah, buddy?
爸爸 怎么啦
Bite me.
咬我啊
Yeah, all those great father-son moments.
是啊 那些年美好的父子时刻啊
What the hell?
怎么回事
Walden? Up here!
沃顿 上面呢
Check it out! Isn't this awesome?
快看 这是不是很棒呀
They have one just like it at the Google headquarters!
谷歌♥总部也有一个一模一样的哦
Oh, you know what you get when you Google
你知道你在谷歌♥上搜索
"Greatest dad in the world"?
"全世界最棒的爸爸"会出来谁吗
This guy!
就是我啦
What is going on?
这是怎么回事
What is all this?
怎么这么多玩具
Oh, uh, well, I went to the toy store
我去了一家玩具店
and got a few things for Louis.
给路易斯买♥♥了一点东西而已
A few things? Okay, I don't want to be the guy
一点东西 好吧 我不想指出
to point out the 800-pound gorilla in the room.
我们家有一只800磅的大猩猩
But there's an 800-pound gorilla in the room.
但我们家真有一只800磅的大猩猩
I just want him to like it here.
我只是希望他能喜欢我们家
Well, so do I.
我也是啊
But if you build Disneyland in your house,
但如果你在家里打造一个迪士尼乐园
you'll never get the thrill of taking him to Disneyland.
那你带他去迪士尼玩时 就不会觉得兴奋刺♥激♥
Ah. You're right.
你说得对
Damn it. I got to cancel Mickey and Minnie.
糟糕 我得赶紧取消米奇和米妮
What?
什么
Oh, I was gonna have him wake him up in the morning.
我想让他早上被这样叫醒
Hey, Louis.
路易斯
Ready for breakfast?
准备好吃早餐了吗
We've got orange juice and waffles shaped just like me!
我们有橙汁和形状像我的华夫饼哦
I think it's great that you're so excited about being a dad.
我觉得你为当爸爸这么兴奋真的很好
And the best part is... no stretch marks for me.
最棒的是我肚子上不会有妊娠纹
You know, you're my best friend,
你虽然是我最好的朋友
but you're an odd little man.
但你真是一个奇葩的小男人
What are you doing up?
怎么还不睡啊
I couldn't sleep.
睡不着
Oh, I get it. Excited about tomorrow?
我懂 很期待明天吧
More like terrified about tomorrow.
更像是"恐惧明天"
Why are you getting paper towels in the middle of the..
你大半夜拿这么多纸巾干嘛
Oh, you... Never mind.
你...算了
I don't want to know.
我不想知道
That's a good call.
真明智
You want to talk about it?
你想谈谈吗
There's a kid showing up here tomorrow.
明天有孩子要来这里
And he needs a dad, and I don't know if I can do it.
他需要一位爸爸 而我不知道自己能否胜任
What? Why not?
有何不可
Well, I've never had a successful relationship
我这辈子从未成功地维系过
with anyone in my life except for you.
一段感情 除了跟你
Four years next Thursday.
下周四就四周年了哦
Yeah, I got your wish list.
我知道 我收到你的礼物清单了
They're just ideas. Make it your own.
那些都是备选 自己看着办吧
Look, the fact that you've screwed up with women
听着 你跟女人的每段感情都已失败告终
doesn't mean you can't be a great father.
并不意味着你不能当一个成功的父亲
I don't even know what a good dad looks like.
我甚至不知道好爸爸是啥样
I mean, I know what a bad dad looks like.
我是说 我知道坏爸爸啥样
It's an empty chair across the table from my mom.
是我妈妈对面那张空椅子
Which later gets filled by my Uncle Kenneth
之后那椅子上坐着肯尼斯叔叔
who sold speedboats.
卖♥♥快艇的
And Uncle Rob who sold insurance.
再之后是罗伯叔叔 卖♥♥保险的
Then Uncle Stan who sold pot.
再再之后是斯坦叔叔 卖♥♥大♥麻♥的
I liked Uncle Stan.
我喜欢斯坦叔叔
I get it. I didn't grow up with a dad, either.
我懂了 我成长的过程中也缺少父亲的陪伴
When Jake was born, I was scared out of my mind.
当杰克出生时 我吓得不知所措
Why were you scared? You're a great dad.
你为什么害怕 你是一个很棒的爸爸
Okay, I'm gonna tell you something
好吧 我要告诉你一件事
that I've, I've never told anybody before.
这件事我从来没告诉过任何人
When Jake was a baby...
当杰克还是个婴儿时
I dropped him.
我摔过他
Right smack on his head.
正中他的脑袋
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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