好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E04
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:09 p.m.
not half of a barbershop quartet.
而不是理发店四重唱的两位团员
Can't we be both?
不能两者兼具吗
** Miss McMartin, bring me a kid *
* 麦克马丁小姐 赐我一个孩子
** Marrying you was a dumb thing I did *
* 跟你结婚 真是一件蠢事
You were flat.
你唱太低了
So, the mom-- you think she's hot?
你说那位母亲 会不会很辣
She's nine months pregnant!
她都怀孕九个月了啊
I know.
我知道啊
Love me some preggos.
孕妇诱惑超正点
38-62-38.
胸围38 腰围62 臀围38
Baby got back and front.
宝贝真是有前有后啊
Okay, listen.
听着
If we want this girl to give us her baby,
如果想要这女孩把孩子给我们
she has to think that we're a well-adjusted couple.
她一定要认为我们是一对合适的人选
If she gets a creepy vibe off of you,
如果她感受到你那股猥琐劲
she's gonna turn and run the other way.
她肯定会立马转身逃跑
And I'm only saying this
我之所以这么说
'cause I'm getting a creepy vibe off of you.
因为我深受你那股猥琐劲儿毒害
Says the guy who Googled "Helen Mirren nip slip."
你自己上网搜"海伦·米伦露点照" 还好意思说
Helen is timeless.
海伦是永恒的女神
Now, listen. If you mess this up for me,
听着 如果你搞砸了
I will make your life a living hell.
我一定会让你生不如死
Now, remember, we love each other.
现在记住 我们深爱彼此
Hello, Mama.
你好 妈妈
Hi.
你们好
Hi, you must be Kathy.
你就是凯西吧
Yes, uh, welcome to our Malibu dream house.
欢迎来到我们的马里布梦想豪♥宅♥
He's Ken.
他是肯
Oh, I guess that makes me Barbie.
那我岂不就是芭比了
I'm Walden.
我是沃顿
This is Alan.
他是艾伦
Come in.
快进来
Here, c-can I take your coat?
外套给我吧
Oh, thank you.
谢谢你
Look at you!
瞧瞧你
So very pregnant. Coat.
孕味十足呀 挂衣服去
I know.
我知道
I haven't seen my feet since July.
我从七月开始就没见过自己的脚
Am I wearing matching shoes?
我鞋子是一对吗
Actually, no.
貌似还真不是
Uh, but you know what, it works. It's cute.
但是一点都不突兀 很可爱啊
Um, please sit.
快请坐
Yeah, please. How you feeling?
对啊 你感觉如何
My ankles are swollen,
我的膝盖超肿
my back hurts, and forget about my breasts.
我的背超疼 更别说我的胸部了
I haven't even noticed, you know, 'cause I'm gay.
我都没注意到 因为我是同性恋嘛
That's...
那是...
That's my rainbow warrior.
那是我的彩虹勇士
Always waving his flag.
总是在挥舞他的性向旗帜
Even when it relates to nothing.
即使跟任何事无关也要提
Um, so, uh, tell us about Kathy.
聊聊你自己吧
I think the first thing you should know about me
我想你们应该了解我的第一件事是
is this is not representative of who I am.
这个 并不能代表我是什么样的人
See, I just graduated from UCLA.
我刚从加州大学洛杉矶分校毕业
The baby is a result of a spring break trip to Vegas.
这孩子是因为春假时去拉斯维加斯怀上的
Ah. I guess what happens in Vegas
我猜在拉斯维加斯发生的事
stays in Kathy.
都留在你肚子里了
Yep, took me about six weeks to figure out
是啊 我花了六个月的时间才知道
that my morning sickness
我每天早上的晨吐
wasn't just a really bad hangover.
不是一场久达六个月的超级宿醉
Well, we all make mistakes.
我们都会犯错误
One morning, I woke up married to this one.
某天早上我醒来 就发现自己跟这货结婚了
See, bottom line, this wasn't part of my five-year plan.
主要是因为这不在我的五年计划之内
You know, law school, clerk for a judge,
我的五年计划是念法律学校 当法官文员
start my own practice.
开始我的事务所
Wow, that's-that's impressive.
哇 真是野心勃勃呀
Uh, Alan's son, Jake,
艾伦的儿子 杰克
had a five-year plan for the tenth grade.
也有一个念完十年级的五年计划
See, that's why I liked your profile.
瞧 这就是为什么我喜欢你们
You have parenting experience.
你当过父母
Your sense of humor came through.
我也喜欢你的幽默感
And I kind of love that you're gay.
我有点喜欢你们是同性恋了
Not as much as we do.
肯定不及我们喜欢自己
Right, Wally Bear? That's right, Alley Cat.
对吧 沃沃熊 对的 艾艾猫
Even though I'm not gonna be part of the baby's life,
即使我不能参与宝宝的人生
I like the idea of being the only mom.
但我也想成为宝宝唯一的妈咪
I can totally understand that.
这点我完全能理解
Probably because my mom was an ice-cold, sharp-tongue alcoholic
可能是因为我妈妈是个冷漠毒舌的酒鬼
who preferred shopping and spas over spending time with me.
喜欢整天购物和做美容 不喜欢跟我一起玩
And I can totally understand that.
这点我完全能理解
So, tell me about you.
跟我聊聊你们吧
What made you guys decide to start a family?
你们为什么想要组建家庭
Uh, well, raising my son
抚养我的儿子
was one of the greatest experiences of my life,
是我这辈子最重要的人生经历
and I just wanted Walden to feel that same joy.
我想沃顿也能拥有这份喜悦
Yeah, I mean, for me it's a couple reasons.
是啊 对我而言有两个原因
I-I felt like something was missing in my life,
一是我感觉我人生好像缺少点什么
and I wanted to give back,
我想要回馈社会
and having a kid will allow me to drive in the carpool lane.
二是有了孩子 我才能用多人合用车道
It's nice to laugh again.
能开怀大笑真好
Except I just peed a little on your sofa.
不过我刚笑尿了一点在你们的沙发上
I'll get you something.
我帮你拿东西擦吧
Oh, uh, actually, I got something right here.
其实我手边正好有东西可以擦
The baby just kicked.
宝宝刚踢了我一下
I felt it.
我感觉到了
Oh, looks like someone's got a little soccer star in there.
看来你肚子里住这个足球明星啊
God, you smell good.
天啊 你味道真好闻
Alan, you want to come up for some air?
艾伦 你想抬起头呼吸下新鲜空气吗
Oh, sorry.
抱歉
Just got excited.
我太兴奋了
About the baby. Sure.
因为宝宝 当然
So, uh, Kathy,
那么凯西
uh, do you know if it's a boy or a girl?
你知道肚子里的是男孩还是女孩吗
I don't, but your profile said
我不知道 但你们的档案写
you didn't have a gender preference, right?
你们没有性别偏好 不是吗
Oh, that's right.
是的
Just like me in my 20s.
就像我20多岁时 男女通吃
You guys crack me up.
你们俩太好玩了
You're gonna make great dads.
你们一定会是很棒的爸爸
Oh, world's greatest, according the coffee mugs I bought.
根据我买♥♥的马克杯 应该是世界上最棒的爸爸
Well, that's good, because I made up my mind.
那就好 因为我已经决定了
I want you to have my baby.
我要你们领养我的孩子
No! Yes.
不是吧 是的
Oh, my God! You did not just say that!
天啊 你说的是真心话吗
You bitch!
你个小贱♥人♥
Thank you, Kathy.
谢谢 凯西
Thank you, Vegas.
谢谢 拉斯维加斯
Thank you, broken condom.
谢谢 破掉的套套
Well, you can thank two-for-one tequila shots at the Tropicana.
你可以谢谢果汁店买♥♥一赠一的龙舌兰酒
Let's not forget this little guy.
别忘了肚子里那个小家伙哟
Do you feel it moving?
你感受到它动了吗
I can feel it growing.
我能感觉到"它"在"变大"
Okay, best shower gift:
迎婴聚会最好的礼物
Barry. Baby's first bong.
巴里 孩子的第一支烟枪
Yep. And just like the kid's diaper,
对 和孩子的尿片一样
it's full of stinky green stuff.
里面都是邪恶[恶臭]的绿色东西
The pizza's on its way.
披萨马上到
In the meantime, uh, who wants a beer?
在这个时候 谁想喝点啤酒
Yeah.
好啊
There we go.
开始喝吧
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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