好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S12E13

Part 3 Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.

Hey, thanks for coming.
谢谢你能来
Why are you with me?
你为什么会和我交往
Good, good. How are you?
很好你怎么样
Are you with me because you're afraid
你跟我交往是不是因为
if you break up with me, I'll screw up the adoption?
害怕和我分手我会把你领养搅黄
What?!
什么
No!
没有
Come... I just, uh...
哪有的话...
Berta, how we coming with that ice cream?
波塔冰激凌怎么还不上
Please be honest with me.
请对我实话实说
Okay, to be honest...
好吧实话实说
yeah, I did think that.
我确实那么想过
But then I realized that you would never
但后来我意识到
ever do something like that.
你绝对不会那么做
I was doing that.
我正准备那么做
I knew it!
我就知道
This morning, I was going over your paperwork,
今天早上我在翻阅你的领养文件
and I literally considered postponing the final hearing
我就想尽量拖延最终听证的时间
because I was afraid, as soon as it happened,
因为我怕一旦结果出来
you would leave me.
你会离开我
I would never do that to you.
我决不会那样对你
I was gonna break up with you right now.
我现在就和你分手
So, you agree.
这么说你同意了
We shouldn't see each other anymore.
我们不该再和对方见面
Here.
拿着
What's this?
这是什么
It's the final adoption forms.
这是最终领养协议
You have a court date tomorrow
你明天得去一趟法庭
and everything's gonna sail through.
一切都会顺利通过
Congratulations. Louis is yours.
恭喜路易斯归你了
Oh, really?
真的吗
Oh... oh, my God, thank you.
我的天啊谢谢你
Ah, you know this is a
你懂的这是一个
"Thank you for being a great social worker" Hug,
"感谢有你这么好的社工"的拥抱
not a "I want you back" Hug.
不是"我希望你复合"的拥抱
Yeah, I know.
我知道
And don't worry, I'm not gonna go all crazy
别担心我不会再抓狂
and freak out on you.
把你吓尿了
Come on, I know that.
别逗了我知道
I froze your sperm.
我冷冻了你的精♥子♥
Okay, buddy, here we go.
咱们到了
This is the first time
这是我们第一次
we're walking into this house as an official family.
正式以家人的身份走进这间房♥子
Cool.
太好了
Walden Schmidt, Louis Schmidt
沃顿·施密特路易斯·施密特
and a big pile of Schmidt.
还有一大滩扶不上墙施密特
Hey, you know, now that you're my son,
现在起你就是我的儿子了
someday all of this is gonna be yours.
将来这一切都是你的
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
停别把话说这么早
So, what should we do to celebrate this special family day?
我们该怎么庆祝这个全家团聚的日子呢
I'm going to play Legos in my room!
我要去房♥里玩乐高
Oh, oh, uh, you mean,
你的意思是
"I'm going to play Legos in my room, Dad."
"我要去房♥里玩乐高爸爸"
I'm going home to get high.
我要回家嗨了
I mean, I'm going home to get high...
我的意思是我要回家嗨了
dad.
爸爸
Seriously, I'm happy for you.
说真的我为你感到高兴
And I want you to know I'm, I'm here whenever you need me.
希望你知道我永远是你坚强的后盾
Alan, you're not getting the house.
艾伦我不会把房♥子给你
Damn it!
妈的
This is weird.
感觉很奇怪
Feel like I should be doing something dad-like.
现在起我的举止得像个爸爸了
Like drinking beers outside.
比如得去屋外喝啤酒
Or grilling something.
或是烤东西
You know, something manly.
你懂的做些爷们的事
Oh, perfect!
太好了
Uh, I have a nice, thick portobello mushroom you can grill.
我有一个又大又肥的波特菇可以给你烤
I said "something manly."
我说了"爷们的事"
Well, if you close your eyes,
如果你闭上眼睛
you'll swear you have a piece of meat in your mouth.
你会发现它吃起来其实和肉差不多
I'm never closing my eyes again.
我永远不会再闭上眼睛了
Just give me a beer.
给我一瓶啤酒
So, uh, how's it going with Ms. McMartin?
你跟麦克马丁小姐怎么样
She seemed a little standoffish at the courthouse.
她在法庭上看起来不太友好
You know, I think she was just trying
我猜她大概是
to keep things professional.
想表现得专业一点
There's nothing going on between us anymore.
我们之间不会再有什么了
Guess it doesn't matter.
应该没事了
We always knew it would end up like this.
我们早就知道会是这个结果
Just you and me.
只剩你跟我
Couple of cool bros,
一对龙兄虎弟
couple of chilled brews...
两瓶冰镇佳酿
and a couple of grilled 'bellos.
三两串烤波蘑
Stop trying to shove your mushrooms down my throat!
别再逼我吞你的"蘑菇"了
My point is we don't need anything else to be happy.
我想说的是人生如此别无他求
Or anyone.
也无需他人
Right, right!
对对
Let Lyndsey move to San Francisco.
就让林赛自己搬旧金山去吧
There's no way I'm giving up all this for her!
我才不可能为她放弃这里
I mean, look at this house!
瞧瞧这大房♥子
Look at the ocean and the view!
瞧瞧那无敌大海景
That's why you broke up?
你就是为这个分手吗
You had a choice between Lyndsey and this house,
你在林赛和房♥子之间做选择
and you chose this house?
结果你选择了房♥子
Yep.
对呀
Okay, you gave up a relationship with a woman
好的你放弃了一个
who knows everything about you
对你知根知底
and still wants to be with you
还愿意要跟你在一起的女人
because you didn't want to leave this house?
就因为你不想离开这房♥子吗
Yep.
对呀
Okay, as I'm saying this out loud,
好我都说这么清楚了
you are realizing what a moron you are, aren't you?
你意识到自己是个白♥痴♥了吧
Yep.
对呀
But-but I'm not the only one.
但白♥痴♥的也不止我一个
Ms. McMartin is perfect for you.
麦克马丁小姐跟你简直绝配
Come on, you're the one who said she was crazy.
得了吧你才说的她是疯婆子
Yes, yes, but when you really look at it,
没错我说了但你好好回想下
what has she done?
她到底做了什么
I mean, she fell in love too quickly... like you.
她轻易地就会爱上别人跟你一样
She only wants what's best for Louis...
她做什么都是为了路易斯好...
like you.
跟你一样
She's inexplicably drawn to me...
她莫名其妙地就被我吸引了...
like you.
跟你一样
She did surprise me by cooking my favorite meal naked.
她扮裸厨娘做美食给我时的确惊喜到我了
Sadly, like you.
可悲的跟你一样
I mean, at least I-I traded Lyndsey for a house.
至少我放弃林赛有房♥子住
What did you trade Ms. McMartin for?
你放弃麦克马丁小姐得到什么了
Nothing.
什么都没有
It's worse!
更糟的是
I traded her for you!
我放弃了她留下了你
Oh, my God! We're idiots!
老天爷啊我们都是傻子
I know. We're gonna die alone!
我知道我们会孤独终老了
Worse! We're gonna die with each other!
更惨我要跟你一起慢慢变老
Go to Ms. McMartin!
去追求麦克马丁小姐
I will! Go to Lyndsey!
我会的去追求林赛
I will! I love you!
我会的我爱你
Oh, not the right time. Knew that.
时机不当收到
There you are.
你来啦
Walden?
沃顿
Surprise.
惊喜