好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E10
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
真不敢相信我会做这种事
I can't believe you're doing this either.
我也不敢相信你会做这种事
Oh, oh, Alan.
艾伦
Oh, Ms. McMartin.
麦克马丁小姐
This is a disaster.
这真是一场灾难
I'm sorry.
我很抱歉
Come on, man.
拜托 老弟
You like her. Rise and shine.
你是喜欢她 快点"起立"
What is wrong with me?
我到底有什么毛病啊
Oh, no, no, it's not you.
不 不是你的问题
Uh, although, if I, uh, if I did have one note, uh,
不过 如果要提意见的话
the beige granny panties didn't exactly move the needle.
这米黄色的老太婆内♥裤♥实在无法打动我的"针"
They're nude-colored, and they are my work panties.
那叫裸色 是我的工作内♥裤♥
Although your use of the word "Needle"
不过你用针来比喻
is anatomically accurate.
在尺寸上来说倒是很准确
I am a grower, not a shower.
人家是越战越勇型 不是显摆型的
Why do I always make such a mess of things?
我怎么老是把事情搞砸呢
I'm sorry.
对不起
Don't be.
不用道歉
The crying's actually helping.
你这哭声倒起了"助攻"的作用
What?
什么
Um, your weeping reminds me
你的啜泣声让我想起了
of having sex with my first wife.
和我第一任前妻滚床单的情景
How did I get here?
我怎么会沦落到这个地步
I went to Stanford.
我毕业于斯坦福
I turned down a job on Wall Street to help save the world,
我为了拯救世界 拒绝了华尔街的工作
and now I'm in bed with an old guy
结果现在我和一个不能勃起的
who can't get a boner!
老男人共处一床
Um, actually, that is no longer the case.
人家现在已经不再是软趴趴了
Seatbacks and tray tables
座椅和小桌板
are in their full upright position.
都已经完全立起来了
Flight attendants, prepare for takeoff.
空姐美眉 准备起飞吧
Get out.
滚出去
Oh. Oh, okay.
好吧
I, uh...
我...
I, uh, hope this won't affect your decision about Louis.
我希望这不会影响到你对路易斯的决定
I would hate it if you held my flaccid penis against Walden.
我不希望你因为我的软老二报复沃尔顿
Um, you're... you're still up.
你...你还没睡呢
It's 8:15.
现在才晚上8点15
Oh, to be young again.
又年轻了一把
So, uh, what have you been doing?
你在干什么呢
Oh, I-I was, uh, making a video montage
我在制♥作♥记录我们和路易斯的
of the time we spent with Louis. You want to see it?
欢乐时光的视频 你想看吗
Yeah. Yeah, great.
好呀好呀
** Ooh, child, things are gonna get eas... *
* 孩子啊 一切都会慢慢变...
That's it?
就这样吗
Yeah, we really should have taken more pictures.
我们真该多照几张照片
Where have you been?
你去哪里了
Oh, I, uh... I, uh...
我...我...
I went to, uh, see Ms. McMartin.
我去见麦克马丁小姐了
Are you kidding me?
你玩什么玩笑
She told us to leave her alone.
她明确说了不要找她
Alan, when people say that to you, they mean it.
艾伦 当别人这么说时 他们是认真的
Remember how you're not allowed to go to Subway anymore
还记得你是怎么被禁止再去赛百味的吗
and suggestively ask for "Double meat"?
因为你老是想点"肉♥棒♥双飞"
I-I was just trying to help us keep Louis.
我只是想帮你留住路易斯
Okay, tell me exactly what you did
告诉我你到底干了什么
so I can start to undo it.
我才好开始想办法弥补
O-Okay. Um, I followed her to a bar...
好吧 我跟着她去了一家酒吧
Oh, God!
天啊
This is like the time that we saw Kelly Ripa
这不就像上次我们在杂货店
outside the grocery store!
遇见凯莉·里帕[美国影星]一样吗
No. No, no, no.
不 不是那样
So we-we had a few drinks,
然后我们喝了几杯
uh, and the funny part is, um, we ended up in bed.
好笑的地方来了 我们最后滚到了床上
You had sex with Ms. McMartin?!
你和麦克马丁小姐睡了吗
No!
没有
No, I did not.
这个真没有
I was unable to maintain an erection.
我硬不起来
This has gone from bad to worse. I might start crying.
事情越来越糟糕了 我想要哭了
I wouldn't.
我不会哭
How you doing?
你还好吗
I've been better.
好一点了
Well, you want to forget the pain
你是想忘记伤痛
or you want to forget your name?
还是想忘掉你的名字呢
Got anything to help me forget Alan?
有什么能帮我忘记艾伦吗
If I did, I'd be asking you, "Who's Alan?"
如果有的话 我肯定会问你 艾伦是谁啊
Listen, don't let yourself get too down.
听着 别伤心了
It's like I tell my daughters,
就像我跟我女儿说的
no use crying until the verdict's read.
判决没下之前 先别哭
I tried to sway Ms. McMartin.
我想说服麦克马丁小姐
She won't even take my calls.
可她连我的电♥话♥都不接
Well, someone ought to tell her
应该有人出来告诉她
that you are the best thing that ever happened for that kid.
你才是那个孩子命中的大贵人
I'm just worried about
我真的担心
what will happen to him if she doesn't let me keep him.
如果我不能留下他 他会怎么办
Being a foster kid makes you tough.
收养所的孩子都很坚强
Before he goes, I'll teach him
他走之前 我会教他
how to make a shiv out of a Krazy Straw.
怎样用吸管制♥作♥小刀
Thanks.
谢了
I needed a laugh.
我需要这样的笑话
Yeah, 'cause I'm kidding.
很好 因为我是在开玩笑
I don't want him to leave either.
我也不想他走
He's a good kid, isn't he?
他是个好孩子对吧
Yeah.
没错
If I lose him, all I'm gonna have
如果他走了 我只剩下
is a five-second photo montage
一段5秒钟的录像
and a picture of Alan as Wonder Woman.
和一张把艾伦画成神奇女侠的画
Look, we're all in this together.
我永远支持你
Anything I can do for you, you let me know.
只要我能帮上忙 你尽管开口
Thanks. I appreciate it.
谢谢你 真的
You know, if you happen to know a guy who specializes
如果你认识什么人
in making a father and son disappear,
能让爸爸和儿子一起消失的话
you just might want to keep that number handy.
你可以把号♥码找出来
I do know a guy
我真认识一个人
that could sneak 80 pounds into the country.
可以把80磅货物走私进来
I don't see why he couldn't sneak 80 pounds out.
我觉得他肯定也可以把80磅货物带出去
Ms. McMartin is 15 minutes late.
麦克马丁小姐已经迟到15分钟了
You know, we might be a fraudulently gay couple,
我们可能是死骗子基佬
but at least we're punctual.
可至少我们守时啊
We're not the only ones who lied.
不光我们说了谎
I know for a fact that blonde is not her natural hair color.
我发现她也不是天生的"金发"女郎
That's her.
她来了
Yeah, and she better watch it,
好 她最好小心
'cause I am in mama grizzly mode.
因为我现在护犊子模式火力全开
Promise me you won't make this
跟我保证你不会让事情
more awkward than it already is.
变的更难堪
You got it, of course.
我保证 当然保证
Ms. McMartin.
麦克马丁小姐
Hello, Walden.
你好 沃顿
Alan.
艾伦
'Sup, girl?
你好 妹子
Who's here?
谁来了
Oh, hey, buddy.
小家伙
Uh, it's Ms. McMartin.
是麦克马丁小姐来了
Hi, Louis.
好啊 路易斯
Hi.
你好
Hey, why don't you go in your room and play, uh,
你要不要先回房♥间玩一会儿
while the grown-ups talk for a little.
大人们要在这聊天
Sure. Okay.
好呀 去吧
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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