好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E11
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:10 p.m.
I can't believe it. I know.
我真不敢相信 我知道
Since you let me do it to you, I had to let you do it to me.
你让我对你做"那个" 我也让你对我做"那个"
Not that.
不是说那个
Although, remind me to throw away that cat toy.
不过记得提醒我 把那个猫玩具丢掉
No, I meant the fact that you are cheating
我是说你背着你老公
on your husband to sleep with your social worker.
跟你们的社工偷♥情♥这件事
You just described a fantasy I didn't know I had.
你说完我才发现我好这口
Naughty social worker.
坏坏社工妹
Show me on the doll where I should touch you.
指着娃娃 告诉我该摸你哪个部位
Okay, I need to keep romantically what I do here
我需要把跟你在闺房♥的事
separate from what I do professionally out there.
跟我平常的专业工作划清界限
Even though, in both cases,
虽然在这两种情况中
I seem to work with the jobless and homeless.
我都是跟无工作无房♥的人打交道
I think we have a professional relationship.
我觉得我们之间也有专业关系啊
You gave us a kid, I gave you an orgasm.
你送了我们孩子 我送你高♥潮♥
Well, technically, both of those are still pending.
技术上来说 这两项都还说不定
But I'm serious.
但我是说认真的
If we're gonna do this, we have to establish some boundaries.
如果我们要搞男女关系 就得有规矩与界限
I mean, I'm overseeing Walden's adoption of Louis.
我是沃顿领养路易斯的监护人
Right, right, I-I really don't want to mess that up.
我知道 我也不想破坏了这件事
It's just that I-I like spending time with you.
只是我真的很喜欢跟你在一起
And I--
我
to my surprise--
虽然很令自己讶异
like spending time with you.
但我也喜欢跟你在一起
I'm kind of like poison ivy.
我就像是毒藤
You don't realize you've been exposed until you get that itch.
没开始发痒前 都不知道你已陷入了我的魔爪
Oh, what's that?
你说什么
Yes, I am wearing the same clothes as last night.
是的 我还穿着跟昨晚一样的衣服
Ask not for whom the booty calls.
千万别问妹子约谁来一炮了
The booty calls for me.
妹子约我来一炮
So I assume you're not gonna stop until I ask who it was.
我如果不问是哪个女的 你是不会闭嘴的吧
A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell,
真汉子不会打完啵就到处说
but I'm no gentleman,
但我不是真汉子
and it's hard to kiss a woman from behind.
而且从她"背后来" 也很难打啵
Alan, okay, who was it?
艾伦 说吧 是谁
I banged our social worker.
我上了咱家社工
Ms. McMartin?
麦克马丁小姐吗
Again?
又来吗
What can I say?
我能说什么
She gave my penis a good home.
她给了我的小鸡鸡一个完美的"鸡窝"
I thought this was gonna be something that you did once,
我还以为这事是做过一次后就学到教训了
like manscaping with a straight razor.
比如用剃刀来剃"鸟"毛
Please don't mess this up for me.
求你别害我了
Oh, no, no, it's a good thing.
不 不会 这是好事
Uh, plus, we-we really like each other,
而且我们真的很彼此相爱
And we agreed to respect boundaries.
而且也同意会尊重彼此界限
You know-- personal life, professional life.
就是公私会分明
Okay, and what boundaries are you respecting
你跟我说你上了她的事
when you're bragging about having sex with her?
是尊重了哪门子的公私界限了
That's just something a man wants to share with his husband.
我只是一个想跟老公分享事情的男人
Oh, oh, that's Ms. McMartin.
是麦克马丁小姐
She's here to check up on Louis.
她是来看路易斯
It was supposed to be a surprise.
本来应该是惊喜家访
Wait up, hold on...
等等 等等
She told you this?
她跟你说这事的吗
No, she didn't tell me-- we have boundaries.
她没跟我说 我们公私分明
I saw it on her phone when I was going through her texts.
我是在偷看她短♥信♥时看到的
Hello, Walden.
你好啊 沃顿
Ms. McMartin.
麦克马丁小姐
Hi.
你好啊
What a surprise.
真是太惊喜了
Come on in.
请进
Hey, girl.
小妞 你好
You are social workin' it.
好一个让人想射的社工
Can I get you anything?
需要给你什么吗
Like a new boyfriend?
比如新男友吗
Okay, so obviously Alan told you about us.
显然艾伦跟你说了我们的事
Uh, yes, he has.
是的 他说了
Look, I want you to know this will in no way
我想你知道 我跟他的事
affect our professional relationship.
绝对不会影响到我们之间的公事
I am here strictly as your and Louis's caseworker.
我纯粹是以是你跟路易斯的社工人员而来
And let me tell you something right now,
让我告诉你们一件事
I want to back that case up.
我绝对"顶"这位社工
You know, Alan, the lucky thing is that after I smack you,
艾伦 你应该庆幸 在我暴打你之后
there's already a social worker here to report it to.
在你面前就有社工能让你向当局举报
So how is everything going with Louis?
所以跟路易斯相处得怎么样
You know, it's good.
挺好
Uh, but I have a couple questions.
但我有几个问题
Like... like, okay, for example,
比如 比如说
what's the best way to discipline him?
用什么方式管教他最好呢
Uh, I believe she favors spanking.
我相信她最推崇的是"打屁屁"
All right, what do I say
好吧 又或者
when he asks about his biological parents?
他问起亲生父母时 我该怎么回答
And how much cheese is too much cheese?
还有吃多少起司 才算是吃太多
Okay, how about we just do one question at a time?
我们还是一题一题来吧
Okay, okay.
行 行
There's some cultural things, like--
还有一些文化上的问题 比如
should I teach him a cool handshake,
我应该教他酷炫的握手方式吗
or does that just make me lame?
还是那样会显得我土爆了
Good question, bro.
好问题啊 兄弟
Blow it up.
握手完爆♥炸♥
You know what might help?
你知道有什么能帮到你吗
Talking to other foster parents.
跟其他领养孩子的养父母聊天
Actually, some of my dads have started an informal support group.
其实有几个领养了孩子的养父发起了互助会
They kick around these kind of questions every week.
他们每周都互相讨论这种问题
Oh, that'd be great for you.
那很适合你啊
Uh, I went to a group for divorced dads,
我也曾经去过离婚爸爸互助会
and it really helped.
也得到了许多帮助
Uh, I also went to a group for people whose moms died,
我也去过丧母互助会
but, uh, that was just wishful thinking.
但那只能算是乐观地祈愿吧
Hey, buddy.
小家伙
Berta's gonna watch you when I go to my meeting tonight, okay?
我今晚去互助会的时候 波塔会照顾你 好吗
Okay.
好
We're gonna have a lot of fun.
我们会玩得很开心
Remember the last time when we learned about animals and math?
还记得上次我们学了动物们与数学吗
Yep. Wow, what'd you learn?
哇 你学了什么呀
A trifecta is a sucker bet.
傻子赌马赌前三
And?
还有呢
Horses run faster when they poop before the race.
马在比赛前拉过屎 会跑比较快
The kid's a sponge.
孩子学习能力像海绵
Good morning.
早安
Speaking of sponges.
说到吸干力超强的海绵
Big plans for the day?
今天有什么大安排啊
I got my first dads group tonight. Oh.
今晚是第一次去养父互助会
And before that, Louis and I are gonna go to the movies.
在去之前 我跟路易斯要去看场电影
Then I'm gonna hit the gym.
然后我要去一下健身房♥
Oh, you know what? Why don't we go to the gym first?
其实呢 我们何不先去健身房♥
That way, we can steal some waters
这样我们就能偷些水
so we can sneak them into the movies.
然后偷带进电影院里喝啦
You want to go?
你想去吗
Uh, isn't today when you go to the farmer's market
今天不应该是你去农贸市场
and bargain for bruised peaches?
跟人杀价买♥♥烂桃子的日子吗
I can just go to the supermarket.
我可以直接去超♥市♥啊
They're all bruised when you bring a Sharpie.
自己带只笔 想水果哪里烂就画哪里
I want to spend the day with you.
我想跟你共度今天
Oh, great.
那好吧
You know, it's just that I-I was gonna head straight from the gym
其实我本来打算直接从健身房♥
to the meeting.
去参加互助会
So...
所以
if you go...
如果你跟着去的话...
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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