好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S12E01
Part 4
Nov. 18, 2020, 5:08 p.m.
at Golden Retriever puppies,
找一只黄金猎犬幼犬
'cause there's no way you're getting a baby.
因为你根本不可能领养到孩子
Well, I don't understand.
我没理解
You just said that I'm more than qualified.
你不是说我条件非常好吗
And you are.
你的确是
But you're a single guy,
但你是单身男性
and the system is really geared towards married couples.
本机构更倾向于已婚夫妇
That's racist.
这是种族歧视
Uh, no, it's not.
不是
Then it's sexist.
那是性别歧视
Nope.
也不是
Well, it's some kind of ist
反正是歧视的一种
Look, I'm not saying it's impossible, okay?
我不是说完全没有可能 懂吗
Just that it's difficult.
只是非常困难
You're in line behind families that already have children,
排在你前面的还有已经有孩子的家庭
married couples, single women...
已婚夫妇 单身女性
Anyone else?
还有谁
What, sweat shops? Circuses?
血汗工厂 马戏团
The Vienna Boys' Choir?
维也纳少年合唱团吗
Look, I wish I had better news, okay?
我也希望能帮到你
If you were married, this would be a slam dunk.
要是你是已婚 这事绝对板上钉钉了
Okay, you don't get it.
你不理解
Marriage is not an option for me.
婚姻于我来说不再考虑范围内
Okay, I understand you're frustrated...
我理解你情路不顺
No, what's frustrating is that every woman I meet
你不理解 我不顺到所有姑娘
runs screaming from me!
见到我就尖叫着逃走
I was married before and she left me
我之前结过婚 她不要我了
and I tried to commit suicide.
我还试着自杀过
Don't write that down.
别写下来啊
Why are you writing that down?!
你为什么要记下来
No, no...
不要啊
Then I proposed to two other women,
之后我还跟两个姑娘求过婚
and they both shot me down.
她们都甩了我
I am incapable of maintaining
我已经对与人保持
a long-term relationship with anybody.
长♥期♥感情关系无能了
Now, give me a frickin' baby!
马上把该死的孩子给我
Okay.
好了
I think we're done here.
我们已经谈完了
No, we are not done here!
不 我们没完呢
I almost died wearing a bedazzled jumpsuit
我差点穿着花里胡哨的连身裤挂掉
and my life needs meaning.
我的生命需要意义
Stop writing things down!
别再给我记了
Hey, how'd it go? What kind of world...
顺利吗 哪个鬼世界里...
Uh-oh.
糟糕
are we living in
是可以让
where any two high school kids with a broken condom
两个高中小破孩戴着破套套
can screw behind an Applebee's Dumpster,
在破餐厅的破垃圾箱后乱搞
have a baby, give it up for adoption,
结果有了孩子 送去给人收养
but not have it go to an adult who is upstanding,
却不能让一位正直 负责
responsible, and, might I add, handsome...
恕我直言 还很帅气的成人收养
...simply because every woman I meet
仅仅是因为我遇到的女人
eventually grows to loathe me?
最后都厌弃我吗
And because of that,
也因为这个原因
the Pretty Pink Ponies will not have a tee-ball coach!
靓靓粉小马少儿棒球队的教练也没了
So it didn't go well?
看来不是很顺利
No, it did not go well.
是的 的确不顺利
All right, well, uh, first things first.
好的 目前最重要的是
Uh, how about we get you a little Zin
我来给你点♥金♥芬德尔葡萄酒
to calm your nerves?
平复下你的心情
It's just not fair.
实在太不公平了
I know, I know.
我懂 我懂
Uh, thank you.
谢谢
Just because I'm single, I'm not a fit parent?
就因为我是单身 就当不好爹了吗
Did they say that to you?
他们这么跟你说的吗
That's how I felt.
给我的感觉就是这样
Apparently, the whole system
显然整个机构
is geared towards married couples.
都更倾向于已婚夫妇
And-and single guys are not welcome.
我等单身男青年不受欢迎
Like a Studio City swingers party.
跟影视城里的换妻派对一个德行
Exactly.
没错
Wait, what?
你说什么
Nothing. So, uh, did you tell her everything?
没事 你跟她都说了吗
I mean, how you're successful, you're warm, you're caring...
你有多成功 多暖男 多有爱心...
I told her everything. Did you give her the smile?
我什么都说了 给她迷人微笑了吗
Of course I gave her the smile.
我当然对她使出迷人微笑了
She thought I was having a stroke.
她还以为我中风了
So nothing worked?
这些都没用吗
No. Even if I hadn't been escorted out by security,
没有 虽然我不是被保安送出大门的
I still don't think they were giving me a kid.
但感觉他们还是不会给我孩子
Wow, I'm, uh... I'm really sorry.
我很遗憾
You know, it's ridiculous.
这真是匪夷所思
Why-why are married people automatically better parents?
凭什么已婚夫妇就被默认成好家长了
My mom was married six times; didn't help her.
我妈妈结了六次婚 也没有进步啊
See, and I would've been a great dad.
是吧 我本来能当个好父亲
I would've played catch with him,
会和儿子玩传球
I would've read to him,
给他读书听
I would've waited till he went to sleep
一直等到他睡着了
before I smoked pot.
才会抽大♥麻♥
Already got my mom beat.
已经比我妈妈表现好了
But-but you shouldn't give up.
你不应该放弃啊
I mean, you might still find somebody.
还是有可能找到另一半的
No, I don't want to marry somebody just to marry somebody.
不 我才不会为了要结婚而结婚
It's got to be the right person.
她一定得是我的真命天女
Ooh, or Mila Kunis.
或者是米拉·古妮丝
I get it.
我懂了
That's hard to find.
就是极其难找
Oh, that's my banana bread.
我的香蕉蛋糕做好了
I love your banana bread.
我爱吃你做的香蕉蛋糕
I know.
我知道
I made it hoping we could celebrate,
我本来是烤来庆祝的
but it works on a sad tummy, too.
不过安慰人 它也是神效
Oh, what would I do without you?
没有你我可怎么办啊
I hope you never have to find out.
希望你永远都不会有这么一天
What?
怎么了
You are... always there for me.
你总是陪在我身边
Yeah, and-and you're always there for me.
没错 你也总陪在我身边
We're best friends.
我们是最好的朋友
What if we were more than friends?
如果我们超越友谊呢
Like...
比如说...
super friends?
超级好朋友吗
Alan Harper,
艾伦·哈勃
will you marry me?
嫁给我好吗
Are you seriously asking me to marry you?
你真的是在跟我求婚吗
I can't believe this is happening.
这真让我难以置信
And I always thought Alan would be the one on his knees
我一直以为会是艾伦跪下[口♥交♥]呢
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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