迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S04E13

Part 1 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:58 p.m.

All right, to Samuel,
好了敬Samuel
America's newest citizen.
美国新公民
Yes. Give us your tired, your poor, your...
是啊赐予我们你那落魄贫穷的你的
your Samuels.
你的Samuel
Hey.
嘿
If I were rich and well rested,
如果当初我富有又精力充沛
I never would have left Africa.
我才不会离开非洲
Now that you're an official, card-carrying American,
既然现在你已经是美国公民的正式一员了
what's next for you?
接下来你有什么打算
Well, like every other good citizen,
像其他好公民一样
I'm looking forward to avoiding jury duty.
逃避陪审团义务
Don't forget about lying on your taxes,
别忘了在税收上作假
complaining about the president
抱怨总统
and hating soccer.
还有痛恨英式足球
Or "Football," As the Europeans call it.
或者说"足球" 欧洲佬居然这么说
Ridiculous.
真可笑
Thanks, Mother!
多谢老妈
Don't wait up!
晚上别等我了
Your mummy drops you off?
你妈妈开车送你来呀
She's afraid, if I take the bus, I'll be kidnapped.
她担心宝贝儿子上公交会被绑♥架♥
Harry, don't you think it's time
Harry 你不觉得是时候
to cut your mother's apron strings?
脱离对你母亲的依赖了吗
I mean, move out and get your own place?
我是说搬出来找个属于你自己的空间
Whose house do you live in?
那你小样又住在谁家里
Mama's boy.
你个妈咪宝贝
Anybody want to head to the back room for open-mic night?
有谁想到后屋看看今天的表演之夜吗
Now that I am a citizen, I can finally heckle the comics
老子现在是正儿八经的公民我终于可以刁难喜剧演员
without fear of deportation.
而不怕被驱逐出境了
Instead of heckling, why don't you
与其刁难你何不起身
get up there and tell some jokes?
上台说点笑话
Oh, I'd love it, but it's too scary.
我很乐意不过那太让人心慌了
No, you'd be great. Mike tells me
怎么会你棒极了 Mike和我讲了
all the funny things you say about him at the diner.
你在小饭店涮他的那些笑话
I told you those things 'cause they're mean.
我告诉你那些是想说他嘴太毒了
Well, but it doesn't make them any less funny.
好吧不过还是很搞笑啊
I think, if you want to try it, then you should do it.
我觉得如果你想试试那你大胆地去做吧
You think?
你这么想的
Yeah, I think you'd be amazing at it.
当然了我觉得你很在行的
I mean, if there's anything I've learned
如果说过去几个月
in the last few months, it's that
我心有所得那就是
if something scares you, you should run right towards it.
你越是害怕什么你越要去试个深浅
Unless it's armed or... or contagious.
喂子弹和传染病除外
Maybe I will.
或许我会试试
I think you both should take a risk and go for it.
我觉得你们两个都该冒险试试
I mean, with you and your mother,
我是说你和你老妈
maybe you should go away from it.
你或许该逃离出来
And don't let her drive.
还有别让她开车
She'd still find me.
她还是会找到我
I think she had them put a chip in me
我觉得她在我胃束带手术时
during my Lap-Band surgery.
在我体内放了跟踪芯片
It doesn't always take.
手术不一定管用好吗
How about I get us another round?
再来一轮酒怎么样
I'll give you a hand.
我和你一起
Hey, you should be careful
嘿这些"成就自我"的屁话
with all this "Better yourself" Nonsense.
你得悠着点啊
If people expect nothing out of life,
如果人们对他们的生活无欲无求
they'll never be disappointed.
他们就不会沮丧
Wait, I've seen that written somewhere.
等会我好像在哪看过这句话
Oh, your mother.
哦你妈妈
It may be stitched in needlepoint,
虽说那只是小枕头上的寥寥几笔针绣
but there's a lot of wisdom on that tiny pillow.
却蕴含浩瀚智慧你懂吗
Oh, here's one.
哦这个
"In this country, you decide which doctor to go to.
"在这个国家你们还能决定去找哪个医生就医"
In my country, we just have the one witch doctor!"
"在我们那旮我们直接找那个巫医"
Y-You understand, of course, the two "Whiches"
你你们要知道这个两个"那个"
are spelled differently.
拼写是不一样的
What the hell is he doing over there?
那货在搞什么
I think he's working on his stand-up act.
我想他在练习他的单口相声
He needs to work on his work.
他应该干点该干的
Hey, Out of Africa, you want to take our order?
嘿非洲逃出来的那个你还不过来点菜
Look at those two.
看那两个家伙
Taking a bite out of crime one tuna melt at a time.
吃个金枪鱼三明治就叫打击犯罪了
You might not see him crack a case,
从没看他破案子
but if he drops his hat, you'll definitely see crack.
不过要是他帽子掉了你们就会看到破个大裂谷
Thank you! I'll be here all week!
多谢我整周都在
Hey, are you coming to the open-mic night on Saturday?
嘿周六的表演之夜你会来吗
And if you are, could you wear your uniform
如果来能穿上你的制♥服♥
and possibly your hat?
再戴上帽子吗
And possibly bend over?
最好再弯腰
Listen, d-don't feel like you need to do this
不要因为Molly喋喋不休地讲冒险
just 'cause Molly was spouting off about taking risks.
你就觉得你必须得这么做
Oh, no. She was just the push I needed.
哦才不是呢正是她激励了我
I can't be a waiter the rest of my life.
我才不能永远做一个服务生
You're barely a waiter now!
你现在都几乎不算是服务生了
Can you please take our order?
你能给我们点菜了吗
You mock me, but you'll see.
你嘲笑我不过走着瞧
I'm going to become a successful stand-up,
我会成为一个成功的单口相声演员
get my own TV show, do lots of drugs,
做出自己的电视节目不停吸毒
and enter rehab, where I meet a porn star
再进戒毒所还在戒毒所碰到一个
who'll only want me for my money.
只在乎我的金钱的色情明星
Mm-hmm.
恩哼
God willing.
命中注定
Son of a bitch still didn't take our order.
这混球还不给我们点餐
I'll run this to the kitchen myself. What are you having?
我要自己上厨房♥要去你要点什么
You don't have to spend a ton of money
你不用花大笔钱
on expensive products to keep your hair healthy.
买♥♥昂贵的护发品呵护秀发
Everyday household items will do the job
花点小钱家居用品
for a fraction of the cost.
就能解决问题
Actually, I steal most of my hair care products.
实际上我的护发品多数是偷来的
Then steal from your own pantry.
要偷也从自家的食品柜里下手
Grab some coconut oil, toss it on your head
弄点椰子油涂到脑袋上
like a hair salad... mmm, mmm, beautiful.
像个头发沙拉恩恩漂亮极了
See?
你看
I told you, Vince... you're never too old
我就说嘛 Vince 追求梦想
to follow your dreams. You were right.
是没有年龄的限制的你说得没错
I wouldn't have done it without you giving me
要不是你一脚踢醒我还送了我一套专业梳子
a kick in the ass and the set of professional combs.
不然我绝对做不到
I just light the path,You have to walk it.
我只是替你点亮路灯这条路还是得由你自己走下去
Why'd you ever give up
一开始你为什么
being a hairdresser in the first place?
还是放弃了做理发师呢
Because I was a straight man and it was a different time.
一切因为我是个直男而且时代不同
I didn't have the balls to say, "I'm here, I cut hair,
我没有胆直说 "我在这儿我是理发师"
get used to it."
"习惯了就好了"
Well, better late than never.
晚做总比不做好
I mean, "What happens to a dream deferred?
"迟到的梦去哪了"
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?"
"它是不是已像骄阳下晒干的葡萄"
It's a... it's a poem.
这是是首诗
Langston Hughes.
兰斯顿·休斯
So, coconut oil, huh?
好吧椰子油就行了是吧
Mayo or creamy ranch dressing, if you're in a real pinch.
如果手头紧用点蛋黄酱或者奶油沙拉酱也可以
I did it. You did what?
我做到了你做什么了
I took your advice, and moved out of my mother's house.
我接受你的建议搬出我老妈的房♥子
Where do we sleep?
我们该睡哪里
"We"?
"我们"
Me and Chairman Meow.
我和喵主席
My cat.
我的猫
My friend.
我的朋友
My everything.
我的一切
Can you explain to me why Harry's in pajamas
你能解释一下为什么Harry在我们的沙发上穿着睡衣
on our couch, trying to get a cat to swallow a pill?
试图让一只猫吞下药片吗