迈克和茉莉（2010）

Mike & Molly S01E01

Part 1 Dec. 15, 2020, 2:35 p.m.

All right, officers.
上菜了警官们
One beef and cheese deluxe,
奶酪牛肉豪华餐
french fries and orange-flavored beverage.
炸薯条橙味饮料
Thank you, my brother. Knock it down for me.
谢了哥们来击一拳
All right, it is knocked down.
好吧被你打败了
And for you, large man.
你的菜大块头
One plain wiener, no bun, no sauerkraut, no chili, no mustard...
一根香肠没有面包没有泡菜没有辣椒没有芥末
...no pickle, no cheese, no relish...
没有腌菜没有奶酪没有味道
No tip, give it to me.
也没有小费给我
Excuse me to inquire...
请问一下
...but this meager meal seems
这顿粗茶淡饭
insufficient for a man of your tremendous girth.
似乎不能支撑您那硕大的腰围
Well, I'm just trying to drop a couple of pounds.
我就是想减点肥
May I suggest you move to my country...
我建议你搬到我的家乡
...where everyone is fashionably thin, due to lack of food.
那里的人都时髦地骨感因为缺少食物
New diet?
新食谱
I read about it in a magazine at the dentist office.
我在牙医那里的一本杂♥志♥上看到的
Men's Fitness? No.
<男士健身> 不是
Esquire? No.
<时尚先生> 不是
Maxim? No.
<风度> 不是
Sports Illustrated? Modern Bride, okay?
<体育画报> <新娘> 行了吗
Hey. That's none of my business.
嘿我可没管你
You better get married quick because you're starting to show.
不过你最好赶紧结婚宝宝都能看出来了
It happens to be a good diet and I'm losing weight.
这碰巧是个挺好的食谱而且我在变瘦
I'm going to the gym three times
我每周健身三次
a week and a half hour every morning on the stationary bike.
每天早上骑单车半小时
Well, you gotta be careful with that.
好吧你得小心点
I read an article that said
我看过一篇文章说
those bicycles absolutely wreak havoc on a pair of testicles.
骑单车对蛋蛋是种摧残
What are we talking about,
怎么样的
a little numbness or that time I sat on my Taser?
是一点麻还是我上次坐在电击枪上的感觉
Well, apparently, the angle of the seat,
显然车座的角度
it restricts blood flow...
束缚了血液流动
...causing low sperm count and/or possible impotence.
导致精♥子♥数降低或阳痿
Really? I never heard that.
真的吗我从没听说过
You ain't gonna read that in Modern Bride.
你在<新娘>上可看不到这些
Pick up this month's copy of American Balls.
去看这个月的<美国球坛>吧
Hey, how about we hit a couple of clubs up after we get off, huh?
下班后去酒吧玩玩怎样
Have a few drinks, maybe
喝点小酒
find some bad girls who wanna cop some pleas.
找几个想认罪的妞
Or even better, please some cops?
或者更走运遇上几个想赎罪的妞
Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
你说话的时候走脑子么
No, thanks, I got an OA meeting.
谢了不过我得参加戒食会
You're kidding me. Overeaters Anonymous on a Friday night?
没搞错吧周五晚上开戒食会
That is pathetic.
太可怜了
Oh, I'm pathetic? Which one of us lives with his grandma?
我可怜咱俩谁跟祖母住一块
I'm over there because she's old
我过去住是因为她老了
and frail and needs somebody to look after her.
身体虚弱需要人照顾
She mows the lawn, Carl.
她自己都能割草 Carl
After I start it up for her and push her in the right direction.
是我帮她启动除草机然后推着她不至于跑偏
Fine. Whatever you need to live with yourself...
好吧你爱怎么住怎么住
...and your grandma.
和你祖母一起
I would shoot you right now,
我想一枪崩了你
but I don't have enough chalk to outline your body.
可惜没有足够的粉笔来圈你的尸体
**She's a brick*
*她是块砖
**Uh, uh, uh, house, uh, uh, uh*
*嗯嗯嗯屋子嗯嗯嗯
**She's mighty, mighty Just letting it all hang out*
*她很有力有力就让一切顺其都自然展现
**Because she's a brick Hmm, hmm, house, hmm, hmm, hmm*
*因为她是块砖嗯嗯房♥子嗯嗯嗯
**Shake it down, shake it down Shake it down, down*
*摇摆摇摆摇摆摆
**Shake it down, shake it*
*摇摆摇
Ma, do you have to eat that in front of me?
妈你非在我面前吃不可吗
Oh, I'm sorry, baby, want a bite?
哦对不起宝贝来一口
What do you think I'm doing on this machine here, making butter?
你以为我在这机器上干啥做黄油
Oh, baby, why are you punishing yourself?
宝贝为什么要惩罚自己呢
Face it, you're a big-boned girl.
认了吧你就是个大骨架姑娘
You're always gonna be a big-boned girl.
你永远会是个大骨架姑娘
Bones don't jiggle, Mom.
骨头不会抖妈妈
You just gotta accept the fact that you got your daddy's genes.
你得面对这个现实你遗传了你♥爸♥爸的基因
I mean, if you had a turkey leg
如果你一只手上拿着只火鸡腿
in one hand and the other hand down your pants...
但不吃的话
...I'd swear he was risen from the dead.
我发誓他能死而复生
God, this is moist.
这真是多汁
Do I smell your double chocolate blackout cake?
我闻到的是巧克力蛋糕吗
Fresh out of the oven.
新鲜出炉
Ha-ha-ha, give me.
哈哈哈来一口
Mmm.
嗯
Mmm.
嗯
Oh, Mom, this is incredible.
妈太好吃了
This time, instead of milk, I used pudding.
这次我用布丁代替了牛奶
Well, bravo. That must be why it's so smooth and creamy.
真棒所以尝起来才这么顺滑绵密
For God's sakes, why are you doing this to me?
我的天你们为什么要这么对我
What? What are we doing? What are we doing?
什么我们怎么对你了我们做什么了
Never mind.
没关系
I've burned off my, uh, 12 calories.
我消耗了 12卡路里
Just gonna go to my OA meeting.
我要去戒食会了
Oh, Mol, you're never gonna meet a cute guy at the chub club.
Mol 你在胖子俱乐部可看不到帅哥
I'm not going to meet guys. I'm going for support.
我不是看帅哥去的我是寻求支持去的
Not that I don't get more than enough right here.
比我在这得到的这种支持可多
Whoa, where'd that come from?
为什么这么说
Where did that come from? Are you kidding me?
为什么开玩笑吗
Okay, I'm trying to watch my diet, I'm trying to exercise...
我努力节食努力锻炼
...and you two are trying to make me fatter.
你们俩却总想让我更胖
You're not fat. You're big-boned.
你不胖你是骨架大
And I'm just trying to get you laid.
我只是想让你能跟人上♥床♥
Ugh.
呸
Why don't you take her to one of those lesbo clubs?
你怎么不带她去那些女同俱乐部
Now, they seem to like the beefy gals.
她们似乎比较喜欢虎背熊腰的女孩
You really didn't have to come with me.
你真的不用跟我一起来
Hey, you said you wanted to be supported.
你说过希望有人支持嘛
I'm supporting. Okay, ah...
我正在支持你好吧
Where are you going? The meeting's here. Go ahead.
你去哪在这边开会你先去
I'm gonna sneak into the little girls' room and light up a fatty.
我要去洗手间偷偷抽点大♥麻♥
No offense, fellas.
没有恶意伙计们
Hi, my name's Mike. I'm an overeater. GROUP : Hi, Mike.
嗨我叫Mike 我是个嗜食者嗨 Mike
I had a pretty fair week. I lost 3 pounds.
我这周很顺利掉了3磅
Then I took off my shirt and I found it right about here.
然后我脱了衣服发现肉跑这来了
Anyway, diet-wise, I did have one tiny setback this week.
不管怎么说这周确实遇到点小挫折
I was at the grocery store...
我在一个百货店
...and they were having a sale on those fun-size candies for Halloween.
他们正为万圣节进行糖果特卖♥♥ 都是分享装的
Uh, I picked up a bag,
我拿了一包
figuring I'm gonna need something for the trick-or-treaters.
感觉自己得为不给糖就捣乱做点准备
Before I know it, I'm standing in front of the checkout...
不知不觉中我站在收银柜时
...with 19 of the fun bastards jammed in my mouth, trying to say:
嘴里含着十九颗糖还想说
"Plastic."
是塑料的
Hallelujah, right?
哈利路亚
Then, of course, the self-loathing kicks in.
然后理所当然的开始自我憎恶
Voices in my head start telling me what a loser I am...
脑里的声音跟我说我是个窝囊废
...how no one's ever gonna love me...
不会有人爱我
...how I'm gonna spend the last
我会在一个
few years of my life alone in a dark apartment...
阴暗的公♥寓♥里孤独终老
...my only companions, six or seven cats...
唯一陪伴我的可能是六七只
...that made the mistake
被我的重力场
and wandered into my gravitational field
吸引过来的猫
The bottom line is, I know those voices are lying.
我当然知道这些话都是骗人的
And I know all I gotta do is work this program one day at a time.
我也知道我必须每天坚持这么做
That's why I start every morning by getting on my knees...
所以每天早上我跪下来
...and asking God to give me the strength to stay on my diet.
祈求上帝让我能坚持节食
And then I pray that he gives
然后我继续祈祷
me the strength to get my fat ass up off the floor.
他能赐予我力量让我有力气站起来
Anyway, thank you.
不管怎样谢谢