此时此地

Here and Now S01E01

Part 7 June 6, 2020, 1:50 p.m.

而我将会永怀少年之心的
and I'm gonna feel this way forever.
但有些时候我又觉得
But other times, I feel like
有一双隐形的手
there's a pair of invisible hands...
包裹住了我的心
wrapped around my heart...
把它攥得紧紧的
squeezing it so tight...
让我觉得
that I think I'm...
它会停止跳动
I think it's gonna stop beating.
我甚至有点想让它停跳
I almost wish it would.
但是它没有
But it doesn't.
它一直跳着
It just keeps beating...
我也只能一直前行
and I just keep going.
我是个哲学家
I'm a philosopher...
鬼知道是什么意思
whatever that means.
我穷尽一生想要弄清楚
I spent most of my life trying to figure out...
生命的意义
what life is all about.
而我现在已经60岁了 60岁
And here I am, 60 years old-- 60,
还是一点头绪都没有
and I have no fucking idea.
如果你想让我
Let me know if you...
停下或者慢一点的话要跟我说
need me to stop or slow down.
好我会的
Okay, I will.
在我年轻的时候
When I was young,
我认为生命的意义
I thought the purpose of life
在于寻求启蒙
was to seek enlightenment,
使用我们的大脑
to use our minds,
想象出一个更好的未来
to try to imagine a better future...
放松呼吸
Just breathe.
好的
Okay.
让光明照进黑暗中
...bring light into the darkness...
战胜恐惧和绝望
...to reject fear and despair
以及愤世嫉俗
and cynicism...
崇尚智慧和理性
...to honor intelligence and reason...
选择爱
to choose love.
爱
Love?
说起爱我甚至觉得很尴尬因为
I feel embarrassed even articulating that, because...
我看着这个世界
I look at the world...
别说这个世界了
not even the world...
就是此时此刻
here, now...
我能看到的只有无知
and all I see is ignorance,
憎恨
hatred,
恐惧
terror,
还有愤怒
and rage.
我们输了各位
We lost, folks.
我们输了
We lost.
当我回顾
I look back on...
我与这位完美女性的姻缘
my partnership with this amazing woman...
以及我们这个家庭的伟大实验时
and this great experiment that is our family...
我在想
and I wonder,
我真的在想
I really do wonder...
这一切有起到任何作用吗
Did any of it make any difference?
因为从我的视角来看
Cause from where I'm standing...
什么鬼
What the fuck?
这是什么鬼
What the fuck is that?
什么是什么鬼
What the fuck is what?
怎么了
Hey. What's happening?
雷蒙
Ramon?
什么鬼
What the fuck?
是他妈的11:11
It's fucking 11:11!
雷蒙
Ramon.
你今晚吃什么东西了吗
Did you take anything tonight?
是谁给你的
Who gave it to you?
-不 -是亨利吗
- No. - Was it Henry?
我在呢我在呢
I got you. I got you.
他怎么了
What's going on with him?
他产生幻觉了
He's hallucinating.
我产生幻觉了
I was hallucinating?
没事的
It's okay.
等等没人看到那些火吗
Wait. Nobody saw what happened with the fire?
那些火做了什么吗
What it did?
没事
It's okay.
雷蒙怎么了
What's wrong with Ramon?
他没有发烧
He doesn't have a fever.
我们做了血液分♥析♥ 没有异常
We did a whole blood battery, nothing was abnormal,
肝脏和肾都没有衰竭
so no liver or kidney failure.
没有偏头疼他这么年轻不可能得痴呆症
No migraines. He's way too young for dementia.
他每晚睡超过8小时所以不是发作性睡病
He sleeps over eight hours a night, so no narcolepsy.
核磁共振成像没有任何显示
Full MRI revealed nothing,
所以没有可能造成幻觉的肿瘤
so no tumor that might cause hallucinations.
博特莱特夫人
Farid: Mrs. Boatwright.
是拜尔[公♥司♥名为拜耳] 生产阿司匹林的
It's Bayer, like the aspirin.
拜尔女士
Ms. Bayer.
拜尔女士
Ms. Bayer...
幻觉可以是很多
hallucinations can be symptomatic
不同疾病的症状
of many different conditions besides--
我当然知道
Well, of course I know that.
我做了近20年的心理咨♥询♥师
I was a therapist for almost 20 years
然后才成立了共情倡议组织
before I founded the Empathy Initiative.
那不是幻觉我在钟上看到了11:11
It wasn't a hallucination. I saw 11:11 on the clock.
我朋友可以证实他当时也在
I mean, a friend of mine can corroborate. He was there.
一个你才认识几天的朋友
A friend you've only known for a matter of days.
妈你至于吗
Mom, seriously?
雷蒙有没有可能
Is it possible, Ramon,
看到或听到这个数字
that seeing or hearing that number
在你潜意识里植入了那想法
could've planted the idea in your subconscious?
我就是这意思
That's what I've been saying.
不这些数字是有意义的爸
No, these numbers mean something, Dad.
亲爱的我知道这很可怕
Sweetie, I know it's scary,
你想弄明白这事
and you wanna find some sense of meaning in what happened,
-但尽量别太 -精神分♥裂♥
- but try not to be too-- - Schizophrenic?
我知道你在想这个
I know that's what you're thinking.
你觉得我和艾克舅舅一样
You're thinking I'm just like Uncle Ike.
所以我才觉得最好
This is why I thought it would be better if--
让我和你♥爸♥爸先同医生谈谈
if your father and I spoke to the doctor alone at first.
你可能知道我哥哥有精神分♥裂♥症
You should probably know my older brother is schizophrenic.
但雷蒙不是我们的亲生儿子
But... But Ramon is not our biological child.
我知道
I'm aware of that.
我不是说这是遗传病
I'm not saying it's genetic.
我是说我知道这病是什么样
I'm saying I know what it looks like.
我有看过它最初的样子
I've seen it start.
他只是嗨了想象出一些东西
He was just high, and he imagined something.
记得他小时候
Remember when he was little
他觉得影子总是在跟着他吗
and he thought shadows were always following him?
影子就是在跟着我爸
Shadows were following me, Dad.
你也嗨过看到过幻象我当时也在奥德丽
And you've been high and seen things. I was with you, Audrey,
你以为你在阿兹特克金字塔
when you thought you were in an Aztec pyramid
准备被当做祭品献祭
being prepared for sacrifice.
我没有嗨我是吃了迷幻药
I wasn't high. I was tripping.
我们刚认识时你害怕
And-- and when we first met, you were terrified
你会患上精神分♥裂♥症
that you would still turn out to be schizophrenic.
你想说什么
What is your point?
我想说的是你没有
My point is, you weren't!
你太过害怕以致于你几乎创造了
You-you-- you have so much fear about this, that you almost are creating--
把你该死的哲学那套留在教室里好吗
Leave your fucking philosophy in the classroom, okay?
我当然害怕了
Of course I'm terrified.
艾克在雷蒙这么大时第一次精神病发作
Ike was Ramon's age when he had his first psychotic episode.
在我们收集到更多确凿信息前
Until we gather more conclusive information,
请你们别再使用诊断术语
I need everyone in the room to stop using diagnostic terms
比如精神病和精神分♥裂♥症
like psychosis and schizophrenia.
各位同意吗
Can we all agree on that?
这些词的使用频率高得不正常
These words are used much more than they should be
可能会让人困惑尤其是对病人
and can be very confusing, especially to the patient.