生活大爆炸

The Big Bang Theory S09E16

Part 1 Oct. 5, 2019, 10:10 a.m.

《生活大爆♥炸♥》前情提要
Previously on The Big Bang Theory...
看看你茂密的胸毛
Oh, look at all that chest hair.
和小龅牙
And overbite.
完全就是沃罗威茨家族的一员呀
Of course you're a Wolowitz.
我勒个去他咬了我
Son of a bitch, he bit me.
我还是去自己急诊室确认一下吧
Okay, I guess I'll just go to the emergency room to be safe.
华仔这只是你的臆想病犯了
Howie, this is just your hypochondria.
我坐到静音键上以为自己聋了
When I sat on the mute button and thought I'd gone deaf,
那才叫臆想病
that was my hypochondria.
我们另找个时间告诉他我怀孕了吧
We'll find another time to tell him I'm pregnant.
时至今日...
-早 -早
- Morning. - Morning.
"我们"
"We"?
这是什么
What is this?
我不知道
I don't know.
也许后面写了什么吧
Maybe it says something on the back.
"后续提示请看牛奶盒"
"Continued on milk."
如果你是想骗我自己做早饭
If you're tricking me into making my own breakfast,
我妈从前没成功你也别想得逞
it didn't work for my mom, and it won't work for you.
"是"
"Are."
"我们是"
"We are..."
"预知后事请看勺子"
"See spoons for more."
会是什么呢
What could it be?
"我们是格鲁特"
"We are Groot"?
"我们是冠军"
"We are the champions"?
"我们是一家人"
"We are family"?
"我永远同我的姐♥妹♥们♥在一起"
"I got all my sisters with me."
你是说真的吗
Are you serious?
是的
Yeah.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
确定一定以及肯定[阳性]
Pretty positive.
这是个双关语笑话因为怀孕测试也是...
That's a joke, because the pregnancy test says...
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
太棒了
This is incredible.
我们要当爸爸妈妈了
We're gonna be parents?
以后我们可以优先上飞机了
We're gonna get to board planes first.
终于可以看看
Finally gonna get to see
商场的家庭卫生间长什么样子了
what's in that family bathroom at the mall.
我知道这事太疯狂了
I know, it's crazy.
简直超乎想象
It is crazy.
这种事情该如何准备呢
I mean, how do you... prepare for something like this?
我都不确定自己以前抱过婴儿没有
I'm not even sure I've held a baby before.
没关系你会慢慢学会的
Oh, it's okay, you'll figure it out.
可还有其他的事呢
But how's this all gonna work?
我们需要找保姆吗
Do we get a nanny?
我是说我们请得起保姆吗
I mean, can we afford a nanny?
就算请得起也不能找漂亮的
And if we can, we can't get a pretty one,
否则我们的婚姻就会出现危机
'cause it'll wreck our marriage.
但也不能找太丑的否则会吓坏宝宝的
We can't get an ugly one, 'cause it'll scare the kid.
我不知道华仔
I-I don't know, Howie.
我们这里算是好学区吗
Are we in a good school district?
你信天主教我是犹太人
You're Catholic, I'm Jewish.
我们的孩子应该信什么教呢
What religion do we raise it?
如果生了男孩应该让他行割礼吗
And if it's a boy, do we get him circumcised?
有人说割礼是野蛮的行为
People say it's barbaric,
但如果不割看起来又像面包裹腊肠
but if we don't, it looks like a pig in a blanket.
冷静一下一切都会好的
Calm down, it's gonna be okay.
怎么可能会好
How's it gonna be okay?
你看看我我整个人一团糟
Look at me, I'm a mess.
这就表示这孩子会是半团糟
And that means this baby's gonna half a mess.
孩子早就输在起跑线上了
And that's even before we screw it up
加上保姆廉价长相一般就更惨了
with our cut-rate moderately attractive nanny.
拉杰我看新闻说你们学院的一群人
Hey, Raj, I read a couple guys in your department
好像在太阳系发现了新的行星
may have discovered a new planet in our solar system?
我也听说了
Oh, I heard about that.
怎么不是你发现的呢
Why didn't you discover it?
因为我没有泡在望远镜室里
Because instead of being in the telescope room,
而是忙着给你们几个做节日手工果酱
I was busy making you guys homemade jam for the holidays.
当你凭借波森莓果酱
Well, you be sure to let us know
赢得诺贝尔奖时记得通知我们
when you win the Nobel Prize for boysenberry.
-大家好 -你好啊
- Hello. - Hey, bud.
你准备好就能开玩了
Ready to play when you are.
先等一等
Yeah, um, in a minute.
我有事要告诉你们
I actually need to tell you guys something.
如果是为了12月的手工果酱说谢谢
If it's "Thank you" for the homemade jam you got in December,
恭喜你你是第一个这么做的人
congratulations, you're the first one.
出什么事了
What's going on?
那个我...
I'm, uh...
要当爸爸了
uh, gonna be a father.
-太棒了 -什么恭喜你
- That's so amazing. - What? Congratulations.
太糟了
Oh, no.
你干嘛说太糟了
Why "Oh, no"?
因为所有的事都要改变了
Because this changes everything.
咱们以后的漫画之夜怎么办
What about comic book night?
我们还能愉快地一起打游戏吗
Uh, what about playing games together?
我们还能一起去迪斯尼乐园吗
What about our trips to Disneyland?
以后有了孩子我们还怎么做这些事呀
How can we do those things with a child around?
别紧张我们大家可以忍♥受两个小宝宝
Relax, there's room for two babies in this group.
我勒个去
Oh, dear Lord...
佩妮也怀孕了吗
Penny's pregnant, too?
另一个宝宝就是你
You're the other baby.
真的吗
Oh, really?
有哪个宝宝每隔11天就需要刮一次胡子啊
Okay, well, would a baby have to shave once every 11 days?
有哪个成年人会拒绝吃他的全麦饼干
Would an adult refuse to eat his graham crackers
仅仅因为其中一块破掉了吗
because one of them was broken?
这局我们俩平手
I guess we'll call this a draw.
我很高兴你们俩都在这里
So, I'm glad you guys are here.
有件事我要告诉你们
There's something I want to share with you.
华仔和我要...
Howie and I are going to...
莱纳德说你怀孕了
Leonard says you're pregnant.
什么
What?
"不要说出来
"Don't say anything.
她告诉你时要装成很惊讶的样子"
Act surprised when she tells you."
好吧你想我们怎么演
All right, how you want to do this?
我怀孕了
I'm pregnant.
我的天我真不敢相信
Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
太激动人心了
This is so exciting!
是呀是挺让人激动的
Yeah, it's all real exciting.
你你不开心吗
Are-are you not happy about this?
开心呀我当然开心
I am. Of-of course I am. I'm...
可能只是荷尔蒙作祟吧
I'm sure it's just the hormones.
但还是很奇怪
But it's weird--
华仔这么多年来一直想要小孩
Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years,
我本来很开心地告诉他
and I was all excited to tell him
以为他会激动到疯掉
because I thought he'd be thrilled,
结果他慌成一团
but then he started to flip out
搞得我现在觉得这不是好事
and now this feels like a bad idea
而且我还会变胖
and I'm gonna get fat.
不不别这样你不会变胖
No, no, come on. Come on, you're not gonna get fat.
你只会越来越美焕发母性的光辉
You're gonna be beautiful and glowing
变成最性感最可爱的孕妈宝贝
and-and have the cutest little baby bump ever.
你说起来倒容易你个瘦皮猴
Easy for you to say, skinny bitch.
抱歉都是荷尔蒙作祟
Sorry, hormones.
没关系我只听到了"瘦"这个字
Oh, that's all right. All I heard was "skinny."
虽然霍华德的表现和你想象的不一样
I wouldn't make too much out of Howard
但我觉得你不用担心
not reacting the way you expected him to.
没错他只是一开始有点被吓到了
Yeah, I'm sure it was just the initial shock of it all.
你们说得对
You're probably right.
我们好好谈过之后他开始平静下来了
After we talked about it, he started to calm down.
我就不该养孩子
I shouldn't be raising a kid.
我自己都不爱吃蔬菜