生活大爆炸

The Big Bang Theory S09E02

Part 1 Oct. 5, 2019, 10:09 a.m.

你怎么还不睡
Why are you up?
我怎么睡得着
How am I supposed to sleep?
我结婚还不到24小时
I've been married less than 24 hours,
我的老婆就跟我冷战了
and my wife isn't speaking to me.
或许你可以用更积极的态度看待这件事
Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light.
你只用了短短一天
In one day, you've managed to do
就达到许多夫妻花了几十年才达到的境界
what it takes many couples decades to achieve.
你也睡不着吗
You couldn't sleep either?
当然啦
Of course not.
我也睡不着
Me neither.
但我只是喉咙痒
But I just had a tickle in my throat.
不是什么深刻的婚姻问题
Not profound marital problems.
我们该怎么办
What are we gonna do?
我也不知道
I don't know.
求你告诉我我该怎么补救
Please, tell me how I can fix it.
就怕你不问
Glad you asked.
在我看来有一个简单的解决方法
As I see it, there's a simple solution.
你的嘴唇与别女人的嘴唇厮混过
Your lips had a dalliance with the lips of another woman.
如果想重修旧好
It seems only logical that
唯一合理的办法
to restore balance to the relationship,
就是你也找别的男人耳鬓厮磨
you should find another man and dally with him.
我说耳鬓厮磨是使出浑身解数狂吻一番
And by dally, I mean some hardcore mouth-on-mouth action.
这是我听过最蠢的一件事了
Okay, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
其实我觉得他说的不无道理
Actually, I think he's onto something.
你不会是认真的吧
Y-You can't be serious.
就因为我一时糊涂跟别的女人亲热了
'Cause I messed up and made out with a girl,
所以你也要随便跟别的男人亲热吗
you're gonna do the same with a random guy?
我目前正好单身
I'm currently single.
的确你单身
That's true. You are.
这是要闹哪样
What is happening?!
我来告诉你是要闹哪样
I will tell you what is happening.
我要以身拯救我死党的婚姻
I am saving my best friend's marriage.
谢尔顿看来你不太懂
Sheldon, I don't think you understand
分手应该怎么样
how being broken up works.
唯一能让我理清情绪的方法
The only way I can sort through my feelings
就是我们之间要保持距离
is if there is space between us.
每次见到你都会让我心灵再次受创
Every time I see you, it re-traumatizes me.
一遍又一遍经历那些伤痛
I go through the pain all over again.
我也向你问好
Well, hello to you, too.
你想干嘛
What do you want?
我知道我们已经不是一对了
I understand we're no longer a couple,
但我想提醒你我们还有爱的结晶
but I would like to remind you that we made a baby together.
什么爱的结晶
What baby?
一个网络节目
A precocious little Internet show
人称《有趣的旗帜》
known as "Fun With Flags."
我要挂电♥话♥了
I'm hanging up.
好的咱们半小时后见
Great. See you in about half an hour.
谢尔顿我才不要跟你录那个节目
Sheldon, I am not doing "Fun With Flags" with you.
为啥不要
Why not?
因为我们分手了
Because we're broken up.
索尼与雪儿就做到啦
Sonny and Cher made it work.
索尼与雪儿这对夫妻曾是热门歌♥唱团体
还共同主持过综艺节目
他们的综艺节目在离婚后还维持了很久
Their variety show kept going long after the divorce,
直到现在还被我们聊起
and here we are still talking about them.
没人聊索尼与雪儿好吗
No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
你一定是想到了唐尼与玛丽
You must be thinking about Donny and Marie,
又被人称为奥斯蒙兄妹
同在70年代主持过知名综艺节目
因为我跟你绝对是在聊索尼与雪儿
'cause you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.
谢尔顿到此为止吧
Sheldon, this has to stop.
我知道这很困难
I know it's hard.
这对我也不容易
It's hard for me, too.
但分手后的这两天
But I've seen and talked to you more
我们见面与说话的量
in the two days we've been broken up
远远胜过我们分手前两个月的总和
than in the last two months that we were together.
如果你想少见到我一点
Well, if you want to see less of me,
那或许我们应该重修旧好
maybe we should go out again.
真不敢相信你跟曼蒂·周亲热过
I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chao.
相信我我希望这事从未发生过
Trust me, I wish it never happened.
而你一直以来都知道这事
And you knew about this this whole time?
是的
I did.
而你没想过告诉我吗
And you didn't think to tell me?
莱纳德要我保密
Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.
现在这事跟莱纳德没关系
Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment.
这是我跟你之间的事
This is about you and me.
等等我一天就快散的婚姻
Wait, wait, wait, how is my day-old marriage falling apart
怎么变成你们的问题了
becoming about you two?
你等等
Hang on.
我该怎么做才能让你信任我
What do I need to do to make you trust me?
你觉得有一个老婆就很辛苦了吗
You think it's hard having one wife,
你试试有两个
try having two.
你肯定告诉伯纳黛特
I bet you told Bernadette
他跟曼蒂·周胡搞瞎搞的事情
all about he was screwing around with Mandy Chao.
我们才没有胡搞瞎搞
Oh, we didn't screw around.
我们只是喝醉酒打个啵儿
We just got drunk and made out.
随便啦我更希望这话从你口中听到
Whatever. It would have been nice to hear it from you.
你来干嘛
What are you doing here?
我来把你的东西还给你
I'm here to return your belongings.
情侣分手都这么做
That's what people who've broken up do.
而你故意不用你强迫症式的敲门方式
And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual
好让我没戒心就开门
so I would open the door.
那你就错了
On the contrary,
你现在没资格享受我可爱的小怪癖
you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities.
我们不再是有"福利"的朋友
We're not friends with benefits.
把箱子给我吧
Just give me the box.
等等你不想过一遍里面的东西吗
W-Wait. Don't you want to go through it
以免有东西我给忘拿了
to make sure I haven't forgotten anything?
好吧
Fine.
我的旧时围巾
My old scarf.
我们去溜冰的那个晚上你围着它还记得吗
You wore it the night we went ice-skating. Remember?
你是指我一个人溜冰
You mean the night that I went ice-skating,
而你在一边扶着扶手
and you stood at the rail
一边网上搜失温症的症状那晚吗
Googling the symptoms of hypothermia?
我们俩真是天造地设的一对啊
We made one heck of a team, huh?
这是谁的胸罩
Whose bra is this?
不是你的吗
It's not yours?
老天
Oh, my.
这下咱俩都尴尬了
How embarrassing for both of us.
这是佩妮的吧
It's Penny's.
咱俩分手了
Hey, you broke up with me.
我把谁的咪♥咪♥
It is none of your business
像披萨面团那样搓揉都不关你的事
whose naked bosom I'm smooshing around like pizza dough.
再见
Good-bye.
艾米
Amy.
艾米艾米
Amy. Amy.
敲桌子也行学到新知识
Tables work, too. Good to know.
闺蜜之夜的巧克力蛋糕
Ooh, brownies for girls' night!
手拿开我在生你的气呢
Hands off. I'm mad at you.
我知道那是一大笔钱
Look, I know it's a lot of money,
但那个店员说
but the guy at the store said
五到七年内就能收回成本
in five to seven years, it'll pay for itself.
什么东西收回成本
What will pay for itself?
没什么那你在气什么呀
Doesn't matter. What are you mad about?
我气你告诉我
I'm mad at you for blabbing to me
莱纳德在北海的所作所为
what Leonard did on the North Sea,
我还气你让我瞒了佩妮整整两年
and I'm mad that I've had to hide this from Penny for two years.
你完全有权对这些事情生气
And you have every right to be mad about those things.
不如这个月的
So, why don't you let me
信♥用♥卡♥账单我来处理怎么样
handle the credit card bill this month, huh?
你别管了连看都不用看
I mean, don't even look at it.
如果佩妮发现我一直都知道
I mean, if Penny finds out I've known all this time