杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl S03E06
Part 1
Nov. 20, 2020, 3:04 p.m.
Hey, what took you so long?
你怎么那么慢
Come in. No, no, no.
进来 等等
Why we have this secret meeting in the empty loft?
咱们为什么偷偷摸摸在空荡荡的房♥间见面
Because I don't wanna Schmidt to find us.
因为我不想被施密特发现
I know, right?
我懂 是吧
Creepy, right? Yeah it is.
有点恐怖 是吧 没错
This place gives me the willies, man.
我鸡皮疙瘩都起来了 伙计
Do you know why they can't keep a tenant in here?
你们知道这里为什么没人住吗
Why?
为什么
Because Mrs. Beverly died on the toilet.
因为拜沃利太太就死在这儿的马桶上
And to come here on Halloween,
然后在万圣节的时候回来...
seems risky...
挺冒险的
What risky?
冒什么险
The ghose situation.
闹鬼啊
I brought you guys here to talk about Schmidt.
我把你们叫来是想谈谈施密特的事情
I'm really worried about him.
我很担心他
He hasn't been to work for three days,
他已经三天没上班了
he just sits on the couch eating cold cuts.
他就往沙发上一坐 吃冷肉拼盘
And yelling at the news about how nothing matters.
对着新闻大吼"什么都不重要了"
It's the problem. Be honest, it's a real problem. Right.
这是个问题 很严重 没错
He's just going through the whole thing.
他刚刚经历了很多事
You know, the Cece-Elizabeth breakup has gotten to him.
跟希希和伊丽莎白分手这事让他很崩溃
Right now he's completely unhinged.
现在他整个人都精神错乱了
Y' all feel that?
你们感觉到了吗
What is going on?
怎么了
Not saying there is a ghost,
不是我危言耸听
but I felt the weird breeze go through my body,
但我感到有阵怪异的小风穿身而过
that's all I'm saying.
我就说说
There is no ghost.
这里没有鬼魂
Guys, I can't believe I'm saying this. But...
伙计们 我自己都不能相信 但是
I miss the old Schmidt.
我怀念原来的施密特
I want him to be happy again.
我希望他重新高兴起来
He's crumbling before our very eyes.
明眼人都看得出来 他整个人都要垮了
I'm having a party tonight,
今晚我要开派对
and I just can him lying on the couch
我实在没法让他倒在沙发上
wiping his tears with deli meat.
用熟肉来擦眼泪
I'll talk to him. Okay?
我来跟他谈 好吗
Thank you.
谢谢
People get wird with breakups.
人一分手就会错乱
Trust me, I got this.
相信我 我来搞定
You got this.
你可以的
That was Winston.
温斯顿故意的
Was that you or was that in here, dude?
刚才是你本人还是你被附身了
Don't do that!
不许这样
Oh, come on Obama.
行不行啊 奥巴马
Tanks pull in, tanks pull out.
把坦克开进开出的玩呢
Babies are born,
孩子出生
old people die.
老人死掉
And yet, the world keeps spinning, and spinning, and spinning,
不久前 地球还在不停地转啊转
and one day it stops.
突然有一天 它就不转了
And then what?
那又怎么样呢
You want... you want to talk about... health care?
结果你 你还在这儿给我谈医改吗
That's mayo, buddy.
那是蛋黄酱 伙计
Yeah, I don't got this.
行吧 我搞不定
Pumpkining. You're really good at that.
小南瓜 你做得真不错
Thanks, man.
谢谢夸奖伙计
Yeah. What are you carving there?
不谢 你雕的是什么
It's a pumpkin.
南瓜啊
Oh, look at that. That's beautiful.
快看 多漂亮啊
My pumpkin!
我的南瓜
Pumpkin doesn't matter.
南瓜算个鸟事
Hey. I just wanted to talk to you, um...
你好啊 我只是想跟你说
About my party tonight.
关于今晚我的派对
You don't want me to come to the party?
你不想让我参加派对吗
No, no, no, no, no, no.
不 不 不
Jess, do you not want me to come to your party?
杰茜 你不想让我去你的派对吗
No. I... No.
不 我不是这个意思
Doesn't matter. I wouldn't go
没关系 要不是因为我是发起人
if I weren't throwing it, you know?
连我自己都不会去的 懂吗
It's, like, more of a business-networking...
主要是为了建立工作社交网络
It's not a big deal at all. I just won't come.
真的不要紧 我不去就是了
I'll stay at home, and...
我就在家待着 然后
I'll just hang out in my costume.
穿着万圣节服装四处走走
Oh, wait a minute.
等等
Your home is my home.
你家就是我家
See you at the party.
派对上见
What the hell?
什么情况
He's a total maniac.
他整个一神经病
Well, you know what, Jess?
知道吗 杰茜
He doesn't get like this often.
他这种状态真的挺少见的
But when he does,
可一旦进入这种状态
oh, there is an option.
你还是有一个选择的
Nick,
尼克
I think it's time
我觉得是时候
for Schmidt to get a letter from an old friend.
轮到老朋友给施密特写信了
No, no, no, no, no, no. What old friend?
别别别 什么老朋友
Forget you heard anything. Nothing, J... What old friend?
你什么都没听见 什么老朋友
We need him, Nick. No, we don't.
我们需要他 尼克 不需要
We got to bring him back.
我们得把他找回来
Bring who back? Winston, don't do this!
把谁找回来 温斯顿 停
Guys, does nobody listen to me?!
你们谁能听我说啊
Who is he? ...without him!
他到底是谁 没他不行
Michael Keaton.
迈克尔·基顿
You stupid...
你个二货
Michael Keaton, the actor?
迈克尔·基顿 那个演员吗
The Batman?
演蝙蝠侠的
Nick, are you gonna tell her, or should I?
尼克 你说还是我说
I'm not telling her.
我才不会说呢
Fine. I'll do it.
好 那我说
You will? When Schmidt was seven years old...
真的吗 施密特七岁那年
You're a terrible storyteller.
你讲得太差劲了
I'll just do it myself, I guess.
还是我说吧
When Schmidt was seven years old,
施密特七岁那年
his daddy divorced his mommy...
他爸爸跟妈妈离婚了
And Schmidt was left without the love of a father.
于是施密特失去了父爱
He didn't take it well.
他很难接受
He began an endless cycle of crying and chocolate.
他整天就是哭 吃巧克力 无限循环
Mrs. Schmidt tried everything to cheer him up,
施密特太太尽她所能想让他振作起来
but nothing worked.
但是都不管用
Desperate, she looked to the stars.
绝望之下 她对明星们求助了
Movie stars.
电影明星们
Mrs. Schmidt wrote that little fat loser
施密特太太假装成他最喜欢的蝙蝠侠
a letter of support from the star
给那个没出息的小肥猪
of his favorite movie, Batman.
写了一封鼓励信
But not the confusing new one,
不是现在那部莫名其妙的
the good one, with Michael Keaton.
是由迈克尔·基顿主演的那部经典的
And when Schmidt got his disgusting chubby hands
而当施密特把他那脏兮兮的胖手
on Keaton's letter,
印在了基顿的信上时
his life changed forever.
他的人生永远地改变了
Yes!
太棒了
But the real trouble was just beginning.
但真正的麻烦才刚刚开始
You see, Schmidt wrote back.
施密特给他回信了
And he kept writing back about any problem he faced:
他不停地写信诉说一切他遇到的问题
bullies, schoolwork, public erections.
那些坏蛋 作业 在公共场合勃起
And for every letter he sent, Michael Keaton sent one back.
他每写一封 迈克尔·基顿就回他一封
Was Winston's version shorter?
温斯顿的版本是不是短一些
Then one day, that tubby goon went off to college.
后来 那个球一样的蠢货上大学了
So Mrs. Schmidt unloaded the secret
于是施密特夫人将这个秘密
on her son's only friend,
告诉了他儿子唯一的朋友
a man named me. It was me.
一个叫做我的人 就是我
杰茜驾到（2011）
New Girl
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