杰茜驾到（2011）

New Girl S02E01

Part 1 Nov. 20, 2020, 2:52 p.m.

Oh, late, late, late, late, late.
迟到了迟到了迟到了
Cold, cold, cold shower!
冷冷冷死爹了
You can't turn the sink on when someone's in the shower.
不要在有人洗澡的时候开水龙头
This is not some fancy hotel.
只有高级酒店的供水才不会受影响
Okay, I'm sorry, I overslept.
对不起嘛我睡过头了
I'm running late for a meeting with the vice principal.
我和副校长有个会要开快迟到了
Please get out of here
麻烦你赶紧出去
so I can save a little bit of my dignity.
让我保留一下最后的一丝尊严
One, two, three, four.
一二三四
I'm not gonna do it, Schmidt, so you can just stop asking me.
我不要施密特不用再问我了
Well, I'm gonna keep asking, so just do it.
我会一直问下去的所以赶紧做
Look, I'm not doing it until you tell me why you've had
我不干除非你告诉我为什么
time to shave your chest but not your face.
你有时间刮胸毛却没时间刮胡子
Ugh, Jess, would you please scratch an itch
杰茜你能不能往我的
I have on my undercarriage?
"小牢笼"里挠上一挠
I can't get the right angle and Winston refuses.
我找不准角度温斯顿又不肯帮忙
No, I don't have time, Schmidt.
不行我来不及了施密特
Jess, please, I-I-- this is awful.
杰茜求你了这太不舒服了
I feel like I dropped something in there.
感觉是有东西掉进去一样闹心
You hear that? Loose change.
听到了吗零钱的声音
I thought we talked about you
我以为是在讨论
not wearing your shower diaper in the kitchen.
你不许在厨房♥里穿你的防水尿不湿
Excuse me, do you think this has been easy for me--
不好意思你觉得我容易吗
to wash myself all summer long with a penis cast on?
整个夏天洗澡的时候都得用东西罩着鸡鸡
Thank God this thing comes off this afternoon.
谢天谢地今天下午就可以脱离"牢笼"了
And by the way, I know what you've been thinking,
还有我知道你在想什么
and the answer is yes,
而我的答案是没错
I have been able to reach completion
我靠着我得宜与澎湃的
with some very precise and vigorous nipple play.
玩乳♥头♥神技自我成功"满足"
Nipple play-- off-limits.
玩乳♥头♥神技这话太下流了
Wait, Jess, please, I-I'm begging you.
等等杰茜拜托求求你了
Okay, fine.
好吧
Just get it, just get it in there
只要只要把它放进去
in the back. Stop moving like that.
从后面放不许动
There you go.
就是这儿
Oh, thank God.
感谢上帝
What am I watching here?
这是什么戏码
What do you mean? This is friendship,
你什么意思这叫友谊万岁
pure unadulterated friendship.
纯洁的革命友谊
Oh, yeah.
爽
Hi, Tanya, um, sorry I'm late.
坦雅抱歉我迟到了
Take a seat.
请坐
Okay.
好的
Is everything all right?
没什么事吧
I'll give you the bad news first.
我先告诉你坏消息
Okay.
好的
The bad news is, is that cutbacks are forcing me
坏消息是裁员指标让我不得不
to lay off ten percent of our nontenured teachers.
裁掉百分之十的非长♥期♥任职老师
That's terrible.
这消息也太坏了
But the bad news is, is that it seems you are one of them.
坏消息其实是你貌似是其中一员
That's not how you deliver news.
就这么通知我也太残忍♥了
What are you doing?
你在干嘛
Trying to make this more fun.
尽量缓和一下气氛
No. You're right.
没用的说的对
Tanya, I'm a really good teacher.
坦雅我真的是个好老师
I care about my kids.
我关心我的学生
I spent two months
某个暑期班里
in summer school with an Indian student named Vaj Rejuv
我有个印度学生叫瓦基·瑞猪
and I did not laugh once, not once.
整整两个月我都没笑过他的名字一次
I'm sorry, Jess, but on the plus side...
我很遗憾杰茜但好的方面是
you can have anything you want
你可以从失物招领盒里
out of the lost-and-found box.
拿任何你想要的东西
Okay.
好吧
Good choice. Thank you for the opportunity.
挑的好多谢给我机会当老师
Um, it's been an honor working here.
能在这儿工作我很荣幸
The dictionary defines "Teacher" as...
字典里 "老师"代表了...
Okay, you can take another one.
好吧再挑一个吧
No, you can't share a bowl of cereal.
不你不能和别人分一碗麦片粥
Why not?
为什么不行
The cast is off, gentlemen.
牢笼解除了同志们
Great. Congratulations, man. Good news, man.
恭喜你哥们儿不错啊哥们儿
Yeah, take it in.
尽情享用吧
Goodness, the smell, man.
天啊难闻死了
We have done nothing but love you, Schmidt.
我们一直全身心地爱着你啊施密特
Soak it all in, in all its foul glory.
深深品味这污秽的荣耀吧
That is not just some
这并不是什么
disgusting, salty bundle of gauze.
恶心咸味纱布
That is a symbol of who I was for the past two months:
而是我过去两个月的象征
the broken-penis guy.
一个鸡鸡坏了的男人
But if there's anything that majoring in marketing
要说我从大学主修的市场营销
with a minor in theater studies
及辅修的戏剧艺术里
has taught me,
学到了什么
it's that everybody has a brand.
那就是人人都要有自己的品牌
Nick, your brand is gypsy alcoholic handyman.
尼克你的品牌就是吉普赛嗜酒勤杂工
Winston,
温斯顿
your brand is Winston.
你的品牌就是温斯顿
Nicholas, Winstoniel,
尼克拉斯温斯顿兄
I'm staging an event to relaunch the Schmidt brand.
我正在筹划重新上市施密特品牌大会
It's going to happen this Saturday night,
将于周六晚盛大开幕
and it is going to be epic.
绝对是史诗级的盛宴
You're having a party to tell girls
你准备办个聚会来昭告姑娘们
you're ready to have sex again?
你又能做♥爱♥了吗
Not a party; a rebranding event.
不是聚会是品牌重塑大会
Please tell me there's not a theme.
别告诉我还会有主题
There most certainly is a theme-- it is a secret
必须有主题啊但必须保密
that will be announced on the night. I bet it's danger.
直到那晚再公布主题肯定是危险
No, you're... you're wrong. It's not danger.
不不对不是危险
It'll be announced on the night. I really think
那晚才会公布我真心觉得
it's going to be danger. I'm going to go with danger.
就是危险我也觉得就是危险
Come on, man, it's not danger. Stop guessing danger.
拜托不是不要再猜危险了
Who'd you invite?
你会邀请谁
The ladies from Lululemon, my urologist,
露露柠檬的那个姑娘我的泌尿科医师
my badminton partner, my financial planner,
我的羽毛球球友我的理财顾问
Philip Seymour Hoffman and a guy who once wrote
菲利普·塞默·霍夫曼[男演员] 和那个
for a little show called Crank Yankers.
写过一出叫《人在囧途》短剧的人
And obviously Cece.
当然还有希希
She hasn't spoken to you all summer--
她整个夏天都没和你说过话
since you broke up with her.
自从你和她提出分手之后
Yeah, I'm over it.
对啊我走出来了
It's not about her. I hope she comes.
主角又不是她真希望她能来
Now, let's talk venue.
现在我们来讨论下大会地点
Jess, oh, my God.
杰茜我的天啊
Are you okay?
你还好吗
How long have you been sitting here?
你坐在这儿多久了
I panicked, and I grabbed the hat.
我吓坏了还拿了这帽子
I should have grabbed the yo-yo or the slap bracelet,
我应该拿溜溜球或者折叠手带
and now all I have is this stupid hat.
结果我偏偏拿的是这顶蠢帽子
I'm sorry. No, you're right.
我很抱歉不你是对的
I'm overthinking it. The hat's fine.
是我想多了这帽子也挺好的
You take me home?
你送我回家吗
Yeah, of course.
当然了
I-I can't go upstairs, though,
不过我没法送你上楼
'cause of the whole Schmidt thing.
就是因为施密特的事
It's gonna be okay, all right?
一切都会好的
I mean, this is the moment before something amazing
现在正是真正的好事
is going to happen for you. I promise.
发生之前的阶段我肯定
Put these on.
戴上这个
Is this making you feel better?
这样你会感觉好受点吗
I've decided to host my relaunch event at Nick's bar.
我决定把重出江湖大典设在尼克的酒吧
No. And you, my friend, are bartending.
不而尼克你呢来做酒保