极品老妈

Mom S08E16

Part 2 May 16, 2021, 7:25 p.m.

Enjoy the rest of your day off.
所有人趴下
Everyone, get on the floor!
趴下别起来
Get down and stay down!
趴下
Hit the dirt!
什么
What?
趴下
Get down. Oh!
这真的发生了吗
Is this really happening?
是的真的发生了趴下别动
Yes, it's really happening, just-just stay down.
你带枪了吗
Did you bring your gun?
没有我休假你带了吗
No, I'm off duty. Did you bring yours?
嗯安迪我总是带枪来银行
Yeah, Andy, I always bring my gun to the bank.Okay...
对不起我很紧张
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm nervous.
我很久没见你了
You know, I haven't seen you in a while.
我穿着短裤又遇到了这事
I'm wearing shorts and now this.
欢迎参加周二发言人会议
Hello and welcome to the Tuesday speaker meeting...
她们去哪了
Where are they?
亲爱的她们会来的她们不会错过
Honey, they'll be here. They're not gonna miss
给你的戒瘾生日送蛋糕的
giving you a cake for your sober birthday.
但会议已经开始了温蒂
But the meeting's starting-- Wendy,
拖时间你知道心脏病发是什么样
stall 'em-- you know what a heart attack looks like.
演一下
Fake one.
如果我演真实症状没人会注意到的
If I did it realistically, no one would notice.
这种病杀人悄无声息
They're silent killers.
我都不想收蛋糕
You know, I didn't even want to take a cake.
拜托在新人面前
Oh, come on, it's nice to acknowledge
展示你戒瘾了多久是好事
how much time you've got for the newcomers.
三年很不容易的
Three years is a big deal.
没人会在监狱里收蛋糕
Nobody takes a cake in prison.
蛋糕被认为很软弱就像书籍
They're considered weak, like books
或夫妻探访
or conjugal visits.
是邦妮劝我做的这个
Bonnie pushed me into this.
现在我得在没她的情况下完成吗
Now I have to do it without her?
玛乔丽和我还在啊
Well, Marjorie and I are still here.
中风怎么样那个动静大
What about a stroke? Those are messy.
不总是如此
Not always.
你总吹嘘自己是个护士
You know, you brag all the time about being a nurse,
但在危急关头你人呢
but when the chips are down, where are you?
瘦身特餐
Lean Cuisine!
天啊还没聊完吗
Oh, my God, we're not done?
我脑中有个声音说你不太对劲
A voice in my head said something wasn't right about you.
巫师回来了你在算卡路里
The wizard's back, you're counting calories,
玛塔明确地说了桑德拉贼心不死
and Marta explicitly said Sandra was sniffing around.
这些线索加起来我认为桑德拉贼心不死
You add those clues up, I think Sandra's sniffing around.
那是线索之一
That was one of the clues.
所以你的意思是我说对了
So you're saying I'm right.
不我的意思是这不关你事
No, I'm saying it's none of your business.
好了换座位我们得谈谈
Okay, switch seats, we need to talk.
-我不要... -坐
- I'm not... - Sit!
邦妮我是你的心理医生
Look, Bonnie, I am your therapist.
我不会和你谈我的私人生活
I'm not gonna talk to you about my personal life.
我才是心理医生我坐在心理医生的椅子上
I'm the therapist. I'm in the therapist chair.
心理医生跟椅子没关系
The chair really has nothing to do with it.
有关系重点是谁坐在椅子上
Yes, it does-- it's about who's in the chair
谁举动疯狂我坐在椅子上
and who's acting crazy, and I'm in the chair
你举动疯狂
and you're acting crazy.
我做了什么疯狂的事
What am I doing that's so crazy?
你让那个毁了你生活的女人重新回到了你的生活中
You're letting the woman who ruined your life back into it.
我们只是今晚一起吃个饭
We're just having dinner tonight.
六个月后你又会在那个角落哭泣
And six months from now, you'll be back in that corner crying,
我会帮你擤鼻涕
and I'll be the one helping you blow your nose.
你可能想再经历一次
Now, you may want to go through that again,
但我可不想
but I do not.
他们在那里做什么
What are they doing over there?
他们在清空现金抽屉
They're clearing out the cash drawers.
但愿某个出纳员按了无声警报
Hopefully one of the tellers triggered the silent alarm.
你觉得他们还要多久
Well, how much longer do you think they'll take?
你想要我去催他们快点吗
You want me to ask them to move it along?
只是你总在电影中看到这一幕
It's just, you see this in the movies all the time,
但在现实生活中速度要慢多了
but in real life it goes a lot slower.
我们在纳帕
Yeah, well, we're in Napa.
一切都更慢
Everything's slower.
如果他们决定从后门出去
You know, if they decide to go out the back exit,
他们会经过这里的
they're gonna come right through here.
我不想让你被劫为人♥质♥
I don't want you to end up being a hostage.
感谢你让我想到了这个
Well, thanks for putting that idea in my head.
你瞧我不是个好人♥质♥ 我爱说话
See? I won't make a good hostage, I'm mouthy.
-吉尔 -我是认真的
- Jill. - I'm serious.
我会总是抱怨食物不好的
I'll complain about the food too much.
不交给我了
No, I got this.
天啊你在做什么
Oh, God, what are you doing?
我在用身体掩护你
I'm shielding you with my body.
你很好心但是
That's very sweet, but...
你快压死我了
you're squishing me.
抱歉
Oh, sorry, sorry.
我说了别起来
Hey! I said stay down!
他刚在吼你吗
Was he just yelling at you?
他说得对我偷看了一眼
He's right, I peeked.
对不起我只是从没有经历过这种事
I'm sorry, I've just never been in this situation before.
你是专业人士
You're the professional.
没关系最重要的是保持冷静
It's okay, the important thing is to just stay calm.
你也知道我没法保持冷静
Okay, you know I don't do that well.
这样吧
Well, just, you know what?
专注深呼吸好吗看着我的眼睛
Focus on your breathing, okay? Look-look into my eyes.
对不起我出了好多汗
I'm sorry, I'm sweaty.
你锻炼了吗
Did you work out?
没有我们被持枪歹徒抢劫了
No, we're being robbed by men with guns.
该死我没法深呼吸了
Damn it, there goes my breathing!
你得做点什么让我不去想
Okay, you got to do something to help me keep my mind off
正在发生的事
what's really going on.
好吧我想想我最近有什么新鲜事
O-Okay, okay, uh, let's see, what's been going on with me?
一周前我参加了梦幻棒球选秀
Oh, I had my fantasy baseball draft about a week ago.
我等接球手等了太久结果成了
I waited too long on a catcher so I ended up
芝加哥白袜队的替补
with the White Sox backup.
没什么帮助
That's not gonna go well.
还有
Also, um...
我最近一直在想你
I've been thinking about you a lot lately.
真的吗
Really?
是啊
Yeah.
你具体想的是什么
What exactly were you thinking?
也许我犯了个错误
That-that maybe I made a mistake.
也许跟你分手是我疯了
That maybe I was crazy to let you go.
我也觉得
Well, I thought so.
我绝对犯了个错误
Yeah, I definitely made a mistake.
你现在还在说话这是另一个错误
You're making another one now by talking.
走吧
Let's get moving!
他们走了
Okay, they're gone.
我们可以起身了
We can get up now.
你为什么要让一个称呼你为有毒的自恋狂的女人
Why would you let a woman who called you a toxic narcissist
回到你的生活之中
back into your life?
我觉得你不懂她的幽默感
I don't think you get her sense of humor.
她骂过我很多话但她改变了
She's called me many things, but she's changed.
是吗或者是她觉得
Has she, or did she find life
没有受气包老公的生活更加艰难
without a doormat husband more challenging?
你真的不喜欢她
Wow, you really don't like her.
那是因为我是受气包这队的
That's because I'm Team Doormat.
要知道这话也很伤人
Okay, you know, that's hurtful stuff, too.
比得上她离婚后让你净身出户然后搬去俄勒冈州
Was it as hurtful as when she cleaned you out in the divorce
开创她的豆奶王国那么让你伤心吗
and moved to Oregon to start her soy milk empire?
她怎么可能知道会刮起一阵冷风
How could she have known there was a cold wind blowing
而且风的名字是燕麦奶呢
and its name was oat milk?
那非常好喝