极品老妈

Mom S08E06

Part 2 March 1, 2021, 11 a.m.

我了解她我经常在急诊室见到她
I know her. I see her all the time at the ER.
这就对了我相信她一定非常...
Well, there you go. I'm sure she's very...
等等玛乔丽我想听听温蒂怎么说
Hold on, Marjorie, I want to hear what Wendy has to say.
这是你一年仅有一次的机会好好利用
You get one a year. Make it count.
告诉我关于她的一切
Tell me everything about her.
她很好
She's nice.
这就完了吗
Is that it?
算是吧
Kinda.
谁给我拿个汤罐
Somebody get me a can of soup.
我来审她
I'll get it out of her.
我不知道你想听我说什么
I don't know what you want from me.
她有两只狗巴克利和斯雷顿
She has two dogs, Barkley and Slayton.
现在我后悔叫她贱♥货♥了
Aw, now I feel bad for calling her a skank.
但她依然是个贱♥货♥
But she still is.
她长什么样
What does she look like?
你的鼻孔吓到我了
Your nostrils are scaring me.
这有点失控了
This is getting out of hand.
冷静下来吉尔
Calm down, Jill.
你说得对
You're right.
温蒂亲爱的
Wendy, honey,
她长什么样
what does she look like?
我不知道她就是很好嘛
I don't know. She's just nice.
大概40岁
Around 40 years old.
大众脸
Kind of average-looking.
在喜欢我之前安迪喜欢大众脸
Before me, average was Andy's type.
好你没理由怀疑
Okay, okay, you have no reason to suspect
乔安娜和安迪
that Joanna and Andy have anything
拥有工作以外的关系
beyond a professional relationship.
吉尔你同意暂缓关系
And, Jill, you agreed to this break
给他时间思考
to give him time to think,
你必须遵守约定
and you have to honor that agreement.
好但我做这个约定时并不知道
Okay, but I made that agreement before I knew about
有大众脸乔安娜和她的两只臭狗
average Joanna and her two damn dogs.
她还收藏古董娃娃
Oh, and she also collects vintage dolls.
你是看了这个女人的纪录片吗
What, have you watched a documentary on this woman?
我愿意用任何东西换个汤罐
My kingdom for a can of soup.
牛排炸土豆泥啤酒和我
Steak, Tater Tots, beer and me.
你最喜欢的四合一套餐
Your four favorite food groups.
看起来都很棒
It all looks great.
我再次道歉
And again, my apologies.
我不知道我用枕头带拉链的那面
I did not know I was striking your handsome face
砸到了你帅气的脸
with the zipper side of the pillow.
我接受道歉但如果酒吧的人问起来
Apology accepted, but if anybody at the bar asks,
就说我♥干♥翻了一个拿刀的人
I took a guy with a knife down.
吉尔还好吗
How's Jill doing?
不太好
Not good.
乔安娜这一重磅新闻让她陷入了混乱
The Joanna bombshell sent her into a tailspin,
但她会没事的
but she'll be fine.
对但吉尔的没事跟正常的人没事
Yeah, but Jill's fine and normal fine
可不一样
are not the same fine.
说来听听
Go on.
你知道的她总是很戏剧化
Well, you know. She comes with a side of drama.
就像安迪说的她有点难搞
It's like Andy says, she's a bit of a handful.
告诉我炸土豆泥
Tell me the Tater Tot
难道不是土豆的最完美形态吗
is not the most perfect form of potato.
外面酥脆里面软糯...
You got the crispy outside, you got the fluffy inside...
你觉得我难搞吗
Do you think I'm a handful?
什么意思
What do you mean?
你是这样说我的吗
Is that what you say about me?
我没说过
I don't say that.
是安迪这样说吉尔的
Andy says that about Jill.
我说你的是...其他话
What I say about you is... other stuff.
这是褒义的感叹吗
Is that a good wow?
不是
It is not.
我要你给我解释一下
I want you to explain to me
我为什么因为安迪的话惹上了麻烦
how I got in trouble for something that Andy said.
-你知道为什么 -我真不知道
- You know how. - I-I really don't. I...
但既然你已经生气了那我就拿走你的炸土豆泥吧
But since you're already mad, I'll take your Tots.
我只是打电♥话♥问问你还好吗
Hey, I'm just calling to see how you're doing.
我现在好多了
I'm doing a lot better now.
你为什么低声说话
Why are you whispering?
因为安迪和乔安娜没关车窗
Because Andy and Joanna have their windows rolled down
他们就在我前面的停车标志处
and they're right in front of me at the stop sign.
你在跟踪他们吗
So you're following them?
是的
Yep.
他们知道你在那里吗
And do they know you're there?
我不这么认为
I don't think so.
我开了我管家的车作为伪装
I took my housekeeper's car as a disguise.
但我真希望我来之前小便过
But I really wish I would've peed before I came out here.
好我要你仔细听我说
Okay, I want you to listen to me.
这样做非常非常不对
This is very, very wrong.
我带了望远镜玉米饼和小便罐
I brought binoculars, tacos and a jar to pee in.
你没说过你管家的车
Hey, you didn't mention that your housekeeper's car
也是路虎
is also a Range Rover.
我把旧车送给了她
Yeah, I gave her my old one.
我让那个女人受尽了折磨
I put that woman through hell.
问个技术问题你能看见任何东西吗
Technical question: can you see anything?
看不太见他们转弯时提醒我一声
Not really. Just give me a heads-up if they turn.
我有个更好的主意
I got a better idea.
不然我引荐你上邦妮·普兰科特
How about I introduce you to the Bonnie Plunkett School
监视技术学院吧
of Surveillance Techniques.
那是我在机场教的大♥师♥班
Normally a masterclass I teach out by the airport.
我做得很好我们正紧紧跟着他们
I'm doing great. We're right behind 'em.
这是你犯的第一个错误
Yeah. That's your first mistake.
你永远不能紧紧跟着他们
You never want to be right behind them.
事实上最好的位置是开在他们前面
In fact, the best place to be is in front of them.
我怎么做到这点
Well, how do I do that?
第一课开始了
And lesson one begins.
好吧我靠边停车
All right, I'll pull over.
没那个必要
No, you don't have to stop.
把你的座位往后挪我过去
Scooch your seat back, here I come.
你想在上面还是在下面
You want to go over or under?
我肯定只能在上面
Well, pretty-pretty sure I got to go over.
好听我数数
Okay, on my mark.
一二三
One, two, three.
踩着刹车踩着刹车
Keep your foot on the pedals. Foot on the pedals.
弹出
And... eject!
天啊成功了
Aah! Oh, my God, that worked!
我只偏离了黄线四英尺
Yeah, I only swerved four feet over the yellow line.
你男友居然也不拦我
Nothing from your boyfriend up there.
他们是什么警♥察♥啊
What kind of cops are they?
深陷情欲的警♥察♥
The kind bonded by lust.
好看好了
All right, watch and learn.
我要开到他们前面去
I'm gonna pull out in front of them.
通常我只在头顶的投影仪脑补这一幕
Usually I just sketch this up on an overhead projector,
但是来看看是否能成功吧
but let's see if it actually works.
-看后视镜 -好
- Mirror! Mirror! - Right. Right.
天啊我只能看见她
Oh, God, I can only see her.
还有我自己看起来很绝望
And me, looking desperate.
玉米饼让我有点肿
And a little puffy from those tacos.
生活顺利的人
Nobody stalks their boyfriend
肯定不会跟踪男友
'cause their life is working out.
我坚持戒瘾这么久了
How is it possible I've been sober all this time,
怎么还在开车追男人
and I'm still driving around, chasing men?
我也以为戒瘾能让我摆脱疯狂
Yeah, I thought sobering up would get rid of my crazy, too,
但我还是个疯女人
but nope, still crazy.
只是看《幻想曲》时没那么懵了
Just a little less confused during Fantasia.
也许我们该停车回家
Mm. Maybe we should just stop and go home.
我真为你骄傲吉尔
I'm proud of you, Jill.
我就知道如果我过来陪你
I knew if I came out here and spent some time with you,