极品老妈

Mom S08E12

Part 1 April 11, 2021, 8:20 p.m.

天啊
Oh, my!
一位帅气的闯入者
A handsome interloper
碰巧加入了我随性的野餐
has happened upon my impromptu picnic.
请允许我用冰甜茶来给露肩装降温
Allow me to cool my décolletage with an icy glass of sweet tea.
你得跟我走一趟
You need to come with me.
你看不出来我在干什么吗
Are you not seeing what's happening here?
你是个行脚商人
You're a traveling salesman,
我父亲去城里买♥♥种子了
and my daddy has gone to town for seeds.
我们遭遇了蝗灾
We had a swarm of locusts.
你真得跟我走一趟
You really need to come with me.
但我这里还有很多甜茶
But... But, well, now I'm stuck with all this sweet tea
还有生奶油口音也变不过来了
and whipped cream and this accent.
荒凉的公路紧张的老公
Deserted highway, jittery husband.
如果我早知道你要杀我
If I knew you were gonna kill me,
我就穿运动服了
I would've worn sweats.
好吧看看广♥告♥牌
Okay. Look at the billboard.
"淘气先生"
"Mr. Naughty's."
脱衣舞俱乐部吗
A strip club?
裸体野餐周一已经满足不了你了吗
Naked picnic Monday isn't good enough for you anymore?
仔细看
Look again.
怎么了某个一脸困惑的可怜脱衣舞♥女♥...
What? It's some poor stripper looking confused and...
天啊那是我女儿
Oh, my God, that's my daughter!
极品老妈第八季第十二集
是克丽丝蒂
It's Christy!
嗯我们知道是克丽丝蒂
Yeah, we know it's Christy.
我知道她眼睛很大
I knew her eyes were big,
但现在足足有六英尺高
but now they're, like, six feet tall.
而且我去哪儿都盯着我
And I think they're following me.
她很多年前就金盆洗手了
She hung up her tassels ages ago.
这广♥告♥牌立了有二十年吗
Has that thing been up there for 20 years?
根据那么多鸟屎来看是的
Judging by all the bird poop, yes.
它们为什么不拉她脸上
Why couldn't they have pooped on her face?
拉她脸上
Poop on her face!
至少天快黑了
At least it'll be dark soon
人们就看不到了
and people won't be able to see it.
拉灯上
Poop on the lights!
那么
So,
一个巨大的半裸克丽丝蒂立了几十年
a giant, half-naked Christy has been up there for decades,
而我们一无所知
and we had no idea.
我一直以为她卫衣下
You know, I always pictured a boyish figure
是男孩身材实话说
under all those hoodies, and, to be honest,
我更希望是那样
I preferred it that way.
你觉得她知道吗
Do you think she knows?
当然不知道
Of course not.
我在她生日那天发了一张她的照片
I posted a picture of her on her birthday.
她逼我删掉了因为她不喜欢
She made me take it down 'cause she didn't like
她耳朵的样子
how her ears looked.
好消息是你不会关注她在广♥告♥牌上的耳朵
Upside, you don't notice her ears on the billboard.
我们都听说过她的脱衣舞过往
I mean, we've all heard about her stripper days,
但不知为什么看到她劈叉八十英尺
but somehow, seeing her 80 feet wide
让这一切都变得非常真实了
makes it very real.
对我知道玛乔丽曾住过纸箱
Yeah. I mean, I know Marjorie lived in a cardboard box,
但如果我在广♥告♥牌上看到了那就太糟了
but if I saw it on a billboard, that would be a bummer.
那能是个什么广♥告♥牌啊
What would that billboard be for?
戴夫纸箱商场吗
Dave's Cardboard Box Emporium?
住在纸箱里
Well, living in a box
算是我做过最不丢脸的事
was one of the least embarrassing things I did.
谢天谢地我酗酒时没有社交媒体
Thank God social media didn't exist when I was drinking.
我就没那么走运了
Oh, I'm not so lucky.
如果你搜"温布尔顿的发呆醉酒名媛"
If you google "Drunk socialite moons Wimbledon,"
那就是我
hello.
如果你们看过我那集《执法实录》我会很羞辱的
I'd be mortified if you guys ever saw my episode of Cops.
我被捕了保释了然后又被捕了
I get arrested, make bail, then get arrested again.
如果你想躲风头永远别带着山羊闯红灯
Never jaywalk with a goat if you're trying to lay low.
我女儿走到现在不容易
Well, my daughter has come too far
她的"呼啦啦"不该成为路边风景
for her hoo-ha to be a roadside attraction.
克丽丝蒂发现后会气死的
Christy's gonna lose it when she finds out.
她不会的因为谁都不准告诉她
No, she won't, 'cause none of us are telling her.
我来处理
I'm gonna handle it.
好只是...
Okay, just...
我来处理
I'm gonna handle it.
这是我吃过最棒的汉堡
This is the best burger I've ever had.
只要有蛋黄酱和奶酪我就如在天堂了
Just mayo and cheese. I'm in heaven!
但我更为克丽丝蒂难过
But mostly I feel bad about Christy.
接线员
Operator.
客户服务
Customer service.
活人
Live person!
怎么了
What's going on?
我想联♥系♥脱衣舞俱乐部
I'm trying to get through to the strip club,
但他们有一长串选项
but they have this whole long menu
有什么VIP包厢脱衣舞俱乐部遗失的婚戒
about VIP rooms, strip clubs, lost wedding rings.
我该按哪个号♥拯救我女儿的尊严呀
What number do I push to save my daughter's dignity?!
你试过按8吗
Did you try eight?
罗德来了别看
Oh, there's Rod. Don't look. Don't look.
你们刚看到了吗
Did you all just see that?
没有因为你不让我们看
No, 'cause you told us not to look.
他完全无视了我
He completely ignored me.
所以我才说跟同屋人约会可能会变麻烦
This is why I say dating people from the rooms can get messy.
玛乔丽我们是酒瘾者当你说"麻烦"时
Marjorie, we're alcoholics. When you say "Messy,"
我们听到的是"听起来真有趣怎么参加啊"
we hear, "Sounds like fun. Where do I sign up?"
天啊我为什么要和他搞在一起
God, why did I hook up with him?
他完全不是我的类型
He's so not my type.
他傲慢自负以自我为中心
He's arrogant and vain and self-centered,
他为什么还不给我打电♥话♥
and why hasn't he called me?
你为什么不给他打电♥话♥
Why don't you call him?
我不想和他扯上关系
Ugh, I don't want anything to do with him.
太尴尬了
It's just awkward.
我们见过彼此的裸体
I mean, we've seen each other naked.
我是裸体的他只穿着靴子
Well, I was naked. He kept his boots on.
为了站稳
You know, for traction.
所以罗德脱了靴子然后脱了裤子
So, Rod took his boots off, then took his pants off,
然后又穿上了靴子吗
then put his boots back on?
不靴子一直没脱
No. Boots stayed on the whole time.
就像某种奇怪的性♥爱♥魔术
It was like some weird, sexy magic trick.
好了女士们就坐吧
All right, ladies, let's take our seats.
-他看了吗 -没有
- Did he look? - Nope.
该死真幼稚
Damn it, what a child!
你还好吗
So, how you doing?
依然因为那个广♥告♥牌而心神不宁吗
You still freaked out about that billboard?
我告诉你
Let me tell you something.
当我刚开始看见时
When I first saw it,
我只是个普通男人在路上开车
I was just a guy driving down a road,
很高兴看到了一个不是人身伤害
happy to see some advertising that didn't involve
或湿疹的广♥告♥
personal injury attorneys or eczema.
我从脚开始看起一切正常
I started at the feet. All systems go.
顺着腿看上去生活真美好
Worked my way up the legs. Life is good.
躯干没让我失望
Torso did not disappoint.
然后哇是我继女
And wham! It's my stepdaughter.
我差点开车翻了出去
I mean, I nearly drove off the road.
这家脱衣舞俱乐部
So, this strip club--
具体在哪里
where exactly is it located?
我裤子上很久没沾过亮片了
I haven't had glitter on the old trousers in a while.
拜托哥们
Come on, man.
我们在酒吧里男人不该掏心窝子吗
We're in a bar. Isn't this where men can speak from our hearts?
我看你想掏的是别的地方
That's not where you're speaking from.
我感到非常羞耻
I am awash in shame.
对不起只是这件事
I'm sorry. It's just this whole thing
让我意识到了我打量过的每个女人
made me realize that every woman I've ever checked out
都是某人的女儿
is somebody's daughter.
对但如果我们都这么想
Yeah, but if we all thought that way,
就不会再有人做♥爱♥了