极品老妈

Mom S08E15

Part 2 May 16, 2021, 7:25 p.m.

我就是这样当上大楼管♥理♥员♥的
That's how I became a building manager.
我把资历美化了一点点
I embellished my credentials a skosh.
你告诉他们你是个空军飞行员
You told them you were an Air Force pilot.
嗯六年后我依然是管♥理♥员♥
Yeah, and six years later, I'm still the manager
而且干得极好
and I'm great at it.
一般好吧至少没死人
Well, I'm good at it. Nobody's died.
没因为我死人
By my hand.
人总会死我又不能改变自然规律
I mean, people die, I can't change the laws of nature.
暂时不能
Yet.
重点不是我能否完成工作我知道我能完成
The point isn't whether or not I can do the job. I know I can.
但在戒瘾项目中我们说过要保持十分诚实
But in the program we talk about being rigorously honest.
嗯我知道但我们也说过要"伪装"
Yeah, I hear that, but we also talk about "Acting as if."
"多伪装就可以成真"
You know, "Fake it till you make it."
他们是不会为某件错误的事
I mean, they wouldn't have that many clever phrases
编那么多机智短语的
about something if it was wrong.
嗯但我感觉一旦我们开始骗人
Yeah, but I just feel like once we start lying,
就永远停不下来了
we're never gonna stop.
听着得到资历的唯一途径是
Listen, the only way to get experience
得到真正工作
is to have a real job.
得到真正工作的唯一途径是
And the only way to get a real job
假装有资历
is to pretend to have experience.
世界就是这样一个死循环[《第二十二条军规》]
It's the catch-22 around which the world spins.
这倒是真的
Yeah, I guess that's kind of true.
我们没伤害任何人
And we're not hurting anyone.
对鉴于我们以前的为人这已经很了不起了
Yeah. Considering who we used to be, that's a big deal.
是啊
Yeah.
你读过那本书吗
Hey, did you ever read that book?
-什么书 -《第二十二条军规》
- What book? - Catch-22.
还有书吗嗯我读过
That's a book? Yeah, I read it.
这是我戒糖第二周
Well, I'm into week two of my sugar detox,
我的身体恨死我了
and my body hates me.
我感觉就像个易怒的老妇人抱歉玛乔丽
I feel like a brittle old lady. Sorry, Marjorie.
接受道歉
Apology accepted.
我最近太暴躁了
I've just been so irritable lately,
我一直在对自己说一切都会好的
and I keep telling myself everything's gonna be okay.
我有遮风避雨的房♥子
I mean, I have a roof over my head,
我有网球场我有恒温泳池
I have a tennis court, I have a heated pool,
-我有家庭影院 -说快点
- I have a home theater... - Wrap it up,
她们要反♥目♥成仇了
they're about to turn on you.
我只是想说我应有尽有
I'm just saying, I have what I need.
但现在我愿意为了一个水果卷
But right now I'd punch a third-grader
去揍三年级小学生
for a Fruit Roll-Up.
说完了
That's it.
谁还想分享
Who else would like to share?
-塔米 -塔米酒瘾者
- Tammy. - Tammy, alcoholic.
-塔米 -一切很顺利
- Hi, Tammy. - Things are going really well.
邦妮和我开了新公♥司♥
Bonnie and I are starting a new business,
我们正在将一个车♥库♥改造成祖母套间
and we're already converting a garage into a granny flat.
当你和难以相处的老妇人同居时
Which is a good solution when you're living
这是一个很好的解决方法
with a difficult elderly woman.
抱歉玛乔丽
Oh, sorry, Marjorie.
接受道歉
Apology accepted.
我非常感激邦妮
I'm just so grateful to Bonnie.
她教会了我工作的新方式
She showed me a whole new way of working.
所以我们才是这么好的搭档
That's what makes us such... such great partners,
因为她能做我做不到或不想做的事
because she does things I couldn't or wouldn't do.
总之
Anyway, uh...
一切很顺利
Things are going great.
非常顺利
Really great. Um...
我希望我有更多可说的但我没有
I wish I had more to say, but, um, I don't.
很顺利啦谢谢
So, it's just great. Thanks.
邦妮酒瘾者塔米已经说了我想说的
Bonnie, alcoholic. Tammy already shared my share.
我们的生意蒸蒸日上我很了不起
Our business is thriving and I am amazing.
终于找到了使命的感觉真好
Just feels so good to have finally found my calling.
我还担心我死前找不到呢
I was worried it wouldn't happen before I kicked the bucket.
抱歉玛乔丽
Sorry, Marjorie.
我下一个分享
I'll share next.
你有疹子吗
Do you have a rash?
-没有我很好 -看起来你有荨麻疹
- No, I'm great. - It looks like you have hives.
你压力很大吗
Are you stressed out about something?
我很好你看不出来别人很好吗
I'm great. Can't you tell when someone's great?
只是来看看
Hey, just checking in.
进展如何完成了吗
How's it going? You done yet?
开玩笑的没开玩笑
Kidding. Not kidding.
非常好我把浴室
It's awesome. I went six inches smaller
缩小了六英寸以给你岳母
on the bathroom to give your mother-in-law
更大的衣柜空间
a little more closet space.
太好了老巫婆有地方挂扫帚了
Oh, great, more room for the witch to hang her broomstick.
你说过她很难应付
You mentioned she's challenging.
我觉得应该开个天窗
I was thinking we should do a skylight.
这样她不用出门就能
She can keep track of her flying monkeys
看到她的飞天猴
without having to go outside.Ah.
我从没有开过天窗
I've never done a skylight before.
那你网站上那个呢
What about the one on your website?
对哦
Oh, yeah.
我们业内称之为...屋顶洞
In the biz we call those... roof peepers.Oh.
对所以我才说我没做过
Yeah, that's why I said I'd never done one before.
这是唯一的理由
That's the only reason.
所以你能做吗
So c-can you do that?
当然可以既然我以前做过
Oh, yeah, absolutely. I've done one before,
就能再做一次
I can do it again.
我还想让她在这里很舒适
Also, I want her to be cozy in here
这样她就永远不会进主屋了
so she never comes in the house.
你能做个壁炉吗
Is there any way you could do a fireplace,
就像你做的这个河石壁炉
like this river rock one you did?
你对我的网站为什么这么执着
Why are you so obsessed with my website?
你没事吧
Are you okay?
看看我我看起来像没事吗
Oh, look at me. Do I look okay?!
我在像卡♥通♥熊一样挠背
I'm scratching my back like a cartoon bear!
你长荨麻疹了你对什么东西过敏吗
Ew, you have hives. Are you allergic to something?
谎言亚瑟我对谎言过敏
Lies, Arthur. I'm allergic to lies.
邦妮骗了你我没纠正她
Bonnie lied to you and I didn't correct her,
这基本等于骗人了
which is almost like lying.
而在刚才我完全骗了你
And just now I totally lied to you.
我从来没有做过河石壁炉或天窗
I've never done a river rock fireplace or a skylight.
顺便说一句没人叫那玩意儿屋顶洞
By the way, no one calls them roof peepers.
那也是彻底的谎言
That was a total lie, too.
但这是真♥相♥ 我很擅长装♥修♥
But here's the truth: I'm very good at what I do,
我只是不像我们说的那样经验丰富
I just don't have as much experience as we said.
天啊我感觉好多了
God, I feel so much better.
诚信至上
Honesty really is the best policy.
对吧
Right?
不
No.
我开的价不会高于每平方英尺279美元
I won't go higher than $279 a square foot.
明智鲍勃
Smart move, Bob.
因为我们会很忙那就代表你也会很忙
'Cause we're gonna be busy and that means you're gonna be busy.
我帮我们买♥♥到了很划算的乙烯基地板
Hey, I'm getting us a great deal on vinyl flooring.
我告诉了亚瑟真♥相♥ 我们被炒了
I told Arthur the truth and we got fired.
鲍勃回头聊
Bob, I'm gonna call you back.
这根电♥话♥线救了你的命
This phone cord just saved your life.
难以置信你害我们被炒了
I can't believe you got us fired.
你为什么要说实话
Why the hell would you tell the truth?
我不像你那样习惯说谎
I'm just not as comfortable with lying as you are.
如果你不练习那就没法长进
Well, you're not gonna get any better if you don't practice.
你听见自己说的话了吗怎么回事
Do you hear yourself? What is happening?
天啊你真是自命清高
God, you're such a goody two-shoes.
从我们在寄养家庭开始你就从没变过
You haven't changed since we were in foster care.
你也是你当时就逼我做坏事
You haven't, either. You bullied me into doing bad stuff then,
你现在又在这样做
and you're doing it again now.
我不能这样做
I can't operate this way.